What Men Can Do
It is important that she goes to a hospital after being assaulted, especiall within the first 72 hours. Doing this will not only give her the opportunity to save evidence, but it will also include pregnancy and STI testing. At the hospital they will also tend to any injuries she may have incurred during the assault, this includes internal injuries that she may not be able to feel.
Remeber, it is her decision to go to the hospital. All you can do is suggest, in the end it is up to her.
Make sure that she has a safe place to stay, offer for her to stay at your place. She might still be in danger.
Many men, upon hearing their friend was raped, want to go out and pummel the guy who raped her. This isn't what the survivor needs. She has already tried to calm one man down, she doesn't need to try to control another man's anger. She most likely doesn't want to hear about any more violence.
Also, if you go and beat up the guy who assaulted her, then he may come back and rape or physically abuse her again. Instead it would be better if you invest that energy into helping her recover and doing anything that you can to help her.
It's usually better to talk less and listen more. Don't ask for details that suggest why it may have happened, or that allow her to place the blame on her self. Just listen to what she has to say and don't judge her statements. Never agree if she blames herself, no matter what happened this is not her fault. No one deserves to be raped.
Sometimes when you are talking she may want a hug, she may not. Before you reach out to touch or comfort her aske her whether she wants to be held or not, follow her lead.
The single most important factor in a woman's recovery from rape is whether or not she is believed.
Very few reports of rape are false. In fact according to the FBI, only 5% of reported rapes are false. That means that 95% of the time when a woman reports being raped she is telling the truth. That statistic falls right in line with all the other crime reports at the FBI. Since it is so important that a woman is believed and given the likelihood that she is telling the truth, we strongly suggest that you believe her, always.
Furthermore, don't blame her and don't agree with her if she blames herself. What happened to her was not her fault. No matter what happens no one ever deserves to be raped.
This may sound strange, but small decisions now will help her to make larger decisions later. This is especially important if she is coming to you just after being assaulted. Let her decide where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, where she wants to sit, etc. Accept her decisions even if you don't agree. Be patient, it may take a while for her to make her decision.
Survivors recover at different paces. We suggest that you refer the survivor to counseling. It is better that you do not share your feelings with her, especially if you are angry. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to call our office at (785) 864-3552.
