The Hall of Shame

Parties:

1. There's always that one person at a big party that gets naked or nearly nude. Usually this person isn't very attractive, and in some instances, they aren't even really that drunk. These are the same people that you'll see on the nightly news in about 10 years or so for indecent exposure and/or molestation of some sort.
2. People who throw parties, and then charge 5 bucks for general admission and 6 bucks for drinkers and then claim that your five bucks is going towards "entertainment". You suddenly realize that this is pure low-grade B.S. when upon entry you see that the "DJ" is some guy who's hooked his computer up to the speaker system and is just playing his MP3's, and the "light show" is a seizure-inducing strobe light in the corner.
3. The chanting boys. These are the guys who stand in the corner of the room in a circle and make up their own cheers while steadily drinking beer in lieu of actually approaching women. They recite all lyrics to Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" at least 3 times per event.
4. Anyone who pukes at the party. I don't care who you are, or how many friends you have there. You shouldn't get so drunk off your ass that you toss your ramen noodles all over the dance floor. Especially if you're dancing next to me. This should help to explain a bit more.

1. Whenever Sportscenter will show clips of the NBA season for the next two years, all they will show is Michael Jordan. Now I know this is no different than how it was just a few short years ago, but this time they will just be waiting for him to screw up. Imagine it, all we'll see for two weeks after the game will be a clip of Allen Iverson schooling MJ, with the announcers all shaking their heads sadly yet their eyes say,"I told you so..."
2. The XFL is absolutely no more brutal than normal professional football. However, it is much less quality. Sure, these guys are only getting paid 35 grand to play in this league, but c'mon. The quarterbacks can't even throw a decent spiral. Sure, it may be tough to do this when you've got a bunch of heavyweights barreling towards you, but hey- it's your job pal. Step up or step down...
3. I know you've already heard enough ranting about the tepid SuperBowl "showdown" but lemme just put in one more jab. That halftime show was simply horrible. In horror I watched as Aerosmith completely commited suicide by singing and frolicking onstage with the likes of N'Sync and Britney Spears. Mary J. Blige's microphone did not appear to be turned on. Not that it mattered, because nothing could be heard over Brit's nasally moans and Nelly's incoherant screaming. Gee, I sure can't wait for next year. I would've rather seen two highschool marching bands each perform a "West Side Story" themed show, than have witnessed that trainwreck.
4. Racewalking. All I can ask is-Why? I really don't understand this. It really has to be the most embarrassing sport ever. You put on a shiny spandex unitard to WALK QUICKLY from once place to another. Why the hell don't you just run if you're trying get there so fast? It's got to be a pain to get corporate sponsorship for this "sport"
5. Anna Kournikova will undoubtedly not come close to winning any major tennis title this year. However, she will be featured on approximately 53 sports magazine covers, and every single one of her Court 5 matches will be packed with young male spectators. That is so,so wrong. I'm sorry, but I really don't even think she's that attractive. She's just blond and has an accent and an attitude.

1. I'm so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed for Michael Jackson. His latest two musical video "interpretations" have been terribly expensive bits of trite knockoffs of his former mastery. His "Ghost"(Halloween Special) was clearly just "Thriller meets House on Haunted Hill". The only thing even remotely mesmerizing about that sad attempt at a movie was Michael's unbelievably horrible chin cleft. When the hell did he get that thing anyway?
2. This actually isn't a rant so much as praise to Britney Spears for going ahead and just saying,"I'm a dirty skank" with her new video for "I'm a slave 4 U". Sure, she sings badly, and her lyrics are awful, but at least she isn't still trying to tell everyone that she's a sweet lil' southern girl. That makes her more tolerable in my eyes.
3. Isn't it amazing how much the bands from the "Making of the Band" type shows totally suck? I saw the video for O-Town the other day. I couldn't even laugh, it was too sad. I was just ashamed for them. They mooed and swiveled at the camera and I watched their pride ooze down the drain as they were sprayed with hoses on a soundstage.
4. Fine, I'll just go ahead and say it. Rock is dead. It really is. The only new rock that gets any airplay at all is that rap/rock hybrid stuff that's pretty much just "Nirvana, but from the streets". Look, we're all tired of the same old teen angst, get a new angle.
5. Puff Daddy P Diddy-Namechange? I personally think he should be calling himself lucky for being able to effectively pin the blame on an already shady and insignificant character like Shyne. So the purpose for the name change? "It connotates a bad feeling and rough lifestyle"...riiiight..When the hell was the last time you really feared anyone who called themselves "Puffy"?
6. Macy Gray. She's been singing the same damn song all over the place for the past two years until she finally won an award for it. Congrats. Her mannerisms,style of dress, and frantic shouting are much like the many bagwomen that populate the streets of downtown Atlanta. If I were approached by her in a public area, I would most likely pour the spare change from pockets into her gnarled hands and run screaming into the night. Just remember- "she's a good songwriter though"
7. Every British band is compared to the Beatles no matter if they're a group of young women, a rap group, an opera singer...you get the picture.
8. Master P and Juvenile have singlehandedly destroyed the entire hip hop music scene with their senseless lyrics,the continuous screaming,and I swear they use the same back beats for EVERY DAMN SONG. And every song is about the same thing. Cash...Money..."Cashmoney"...and the typical rap standards-hos,Bentleys,and name yelling. Man, the talent is just staggering. The covers to their cds are also incredibly uncreative and uniform. Big ugly gold crap. Sadness.
9. The never ending parade of boy bands- Good Lord...Shall we make a list of all of them: N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, LFO, C Note, Boyzone, Five, EYF (or something like that), MDO (formerly Latino 80's teen group Menudo),and the list winds on and on..when will it end? Age 30...
10. Ricky Martin- Que Lastima! This latin pop star was much less annoying when he sang in spanish. Now that we have his English album, we can see that his songs really don't have much of a point, which brings me to my next point-
11. Lyrics that don't make any sense- Why do we continue to applaud the so-called efforts of people who write lyrics like,"..there once was a guy named Paul Revere, you just can't know how I wish you were here.." What the HELL does that have to do with anything?? At all? I thought the song (Summertime Girls by LFO) was about girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, but I was clearly wrong. It's about a bunch of randomly inserted catch phrases moaned badly by a Gap ad reject...
12. Michael Bolton-If you don't know why he's annoying, then you should be in here...

1. That show "Love Cruise" has absolutely nothing to do with love,sex, or even attraction. In fact, the people who actually seem to like eachother are the first ones voted off. It's an amazing trend in these "reality survival of the fittest" shows. It completely throws out any remaining notions that society has about altruism and shows that by bitching and backstabbing, you too can win 200,000 dollars and trip around the world.
2. That's another thing...the people on these shows do not get paid enough to sell their souls, give up all their senses of pride, and starve themselves in front of a vast television audience. $200,000 really isn't that much money. I'd much rather just go to school so I can get a sweet job all the while keeping my sense of self worth intact.
3. I'm horrified by the amount of new reality tv shows. They're really kind of sick in a way. And now the new Road Rules on MTV is exactly like Survivor. Are there any good, original shows left on tv?
4. Has anyone else noticed that the cast of Friends is now a lot tanner, and they all use more hair products? Perhaps the shows producers are trying to make the cast appear to be younger, so that the viewers won't realize how crappy it is for a bunch of late 30-somethings to still be working hourly wage jobs, living in the same apartment, and bumbling around with the same recurring characters. How many times is Janice going to come back?
5. Robert Downey Jr...he's cute. So lovable. But so on drugs...AGAIN. It disturbs me to see such a fine actor go down the tubes. Maybe he'll bounce back. AGAIN..Everytime he comes back, he's a better actor though, so cheers!
6. The Grammys-Now I'm just hurt. How could the Grammy music awards committee give Macy Gray a Grammy for "Best Female Pop Vocalist"??? By winning such an award, this signifies that the said person CAN SING. In her case, this is blatant false advertising. Yes, she can write good songs, but I'd rather have steel spikes pounded into my ears than listen to her gravelly screeching. I am even more enraged by the fact that the BAHA MEN recieved a nod from the Grammys. Yes, the men who brought you the horribly irritating and senseless "Who Let the Dogs Out"(the official themesong of football gameday at UGA) beat out Jennifer Lopez, Enrique Iglesias, and most appalingly, Moby- a dance/techno genius. What does this say about music in America today? I don't think I even have to tell you.
   
   
7. Those crap ass kids on TRL- Who are these people?? They actually keep calling and sending e-mails to see the same video that is played 890 times a day, ONE MORE TIME...oh, wait..but I guess it's different if Carson announces it..
8. The incredible amount of "Judge so-and-so" shows that come on at all times of the day. It's all so totally unnecessary. I'll admit, I enjoy seeing Judge Judy yell at some trashy deadbeat dad, but I'm so tired of watching her clones scream,"Do you think I'm stupid?!!" at some poor sap and making them cry.
9. MTV ..What's this? Since when have they stopped playing music videos?
10. Jerry Springer has fly girls that dance with him at the beginning of his shows. Have you seen this? I mean really..he's come a looong way since the days of his soft pink backdrop and emotional heart tugging stories and perpetual makeovers. He's gone from Oprah to the outhouse. And the people love it.
11. UPN...Fox News...The Game Show Channel...I don't really need to explain these choices.
12. "Action News" - A massive hurricane could sweep over the East coast and selectively destroy Harvard,Yale and Princeton but the newspeople will seek out and interview the one hick bumpkin that happened to be near the scene.
13. Inspirational music in commericals- why do they have incredibly moving classical music in a commercial for laxatives? I mean really

1. Can Jennifer Lopez actually do anything? She's not a particularly convincing actress, and her vocal skills are certainly lacking. She was much more exciting as an "In Living Color" fly girl, or even just as Puff Daddy's girlfriend.
2. I'm deeply upset by the amount of truly awful movies that have somehow infiltrated the box office lately. I am even more upset by the amount of intense television advertising for "The Animal". That movie had a weak plot, 2nd rate comedic actors, and generally it should've faded to relative anonymity by now. However, a month after it's initial release, I'm still seeing commercials for it. That means that whatever box office profits that this sad spectacle may have turned, they're using that money to further advertise on tv. Poor souls. Some people need to take that Economics class one more time...
3. A perfectly good "B+" movie can be easily ruined by the last five minutes. This is a trend that is happening quite often in the movie industry as they suddenly run out of script, and are forced to resort to cheesy or totally confusing or senseless endings.
4. Why do they make sequels to already horrible movies?? Home Alone 3, Urban Legends,ect.

1. Freaky 13 year olds looking to hook up with "an older woman". Sorry, I'm 19, not desperate.
2. People who have screen names that are pathetically suggestive(ie.sexigurl69,theREALcowboy1212,Nastina26,daddyfatsacks)
3. The fact that the internet is mostly known for porn. On more than one occasion I've been searching for something like "penguins" and I got about 50 million pop up sites describing nasty German sex. It's just WRONG.
4. Online shopping. It's more expensive than just getting up off your ass and going to store half a mile down the street. No wonder we're a nation of lazy bums.
5. The internet is the least effective way to speedily find information. It takes at least ten minutes to weed out the "fan sites", porn, and corporate promotional crap. I just wanted to know the capital of Peru. That's all.