Sometimes love is for a moment.
Sometimes love is for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.
- Pamela S. Adams
~~Ways we remember our angel~~
~~The hardest part of this after time would be to try and forget; the easiest is to remember. ~~
My love for Gabriel is what makes it possible for me to heal and find peace. By remembering him and �letting� him live in our lives, we are going with our heart and not fighting the feelings we have. Yes, some may think that he wasn�t a baby, or that we should just �forget� about him---but in order to do this, a part of us would die and forever be gone. Gabriel is not with us physically speaking, but he will ALWAYS be with us spiritually, in our hearts, our souls, and our thoughts. He did exist, he did live even if only in me, and because of this, his memory will forever live on within us.
Below is a list of things we have done to remember our precious son. I will add additional ideas after, that we have not done or may someday do. Some may read over and think these things absurd, but this will probably be those of you that have never lost a child, and I pray to God you will never have to fully understand the road that we are now on.
I wanted to have this page on Gabriel�s site for two reasons: first, I am so very proud of our son, I love him with all my heart and soul, and I wanted to share the memories we have of him. Second, I want to shed light on the strange things that I do I am sure other parents that have lost children may do. Before losing Gabriel, I never thought too much about pregnancy/infant loss or even the loss of a child no matter what age. It is just not something that normally crosses a person�s mind unless they have had dealings whether personally, or maybe a friend or relative has lost a child. Either way, the intense feelings that come with losing a child are phenomenal. Some of the things that a grieving mother will do, such as buying items for her child that no longer lives on Earth, may seem odd to her friends and families. But it is these �things� that she does get for her angel that may be the links to find a balance of life now and life then. Some people don�t feel comfortable �remembering� their Angels in this way----whether it be from within themselves or often is the case, society tends to not understand and therefore leaves the impression that the mother should �get over it.� As I have mentioned time and time again, it was Debbie---the nurse that was with us for much of our beginning on this journey, that emphatically encouraged us to treat our loss as a life, as our child. It was �ok� to do whatever we felt we wanted to do to remember him~~and that is my message to you��It is perfectly normal and maybe even pivotal to remember our Angels, because deep down we will NEVER forget them.
~~Special ways we have remembered Gabriel~~
~~Gabriel�s Website~~
This is a gift from a special person that I will forever be grateful to for making for us. It is this website that Gabriel lives on and we are able to share him with family and friends. Thank-you Judi from the bottom of my heart. And I am quite biased now----this is my FAVORITE place on the web!!
~~Memory Album~~
The memory album I made a week after we lost Gabriel was a labor of love. While doing it I felt an incredible feeling of peace and happiness during a time when I was overcome with sadness and grief. It is this album that has seen me through some rough days��.sometimes I cry as I thumb through or when I am working on pages, but my heart feels so much better after. For our album I used a 4X6 photo album that has a gold etched front with a spot on the cover to add things. I used items from Gabriel�s memory box, pictures, poems I found online, my kid�s construction paper as �matte�ing for everything, and other misc. things I found that remind me of Gabriel. It is quite simple in materials, but oh so precious as a final product. And it is portable, so easy to take and share!! :o)
~~Memory Box~~
Before I left L&D the morning I gave birth to Gabriel, Debbie and Bergen (another great nurse) brought in a memory box to Kevin and me. It is a soft violet color and it ties in the front with a satin purple bow. When we opened it, inside was a crocheted blanket, the blanket (with Precious moments animals on it) that they brought Gabriel to us in (it had a blue ribbon that tied it on the front), a precious moments shirt that he wore, a tiny pillow, gold rings, handprints on one flap, and his birth information on the other, a certificate of birth (YES he was BORN), a card, a tiny bracelet with �Gabriel� spelled out in the letters, and many �toys� for him. I thought I had cried all my tears, but when they gave this to us---my heart just sobbed. My baby was gone, but yet he was here and through this memory boy he would always live! The first weeks it was rough to look through, but time has made it easier and I LOVE holding his blankets close.
~~Ty Birthstone Bear~~
We have the �December� bear for Gabriel, it was blessed at his memorial service.
~~Figurines~~
Well, we won�t go into how MANY figurines I have picked up-haha! But to name a few I have �Gabriel� Cherished Teddy (from my best buddy), various �Gabriel� angels, porceline baby booties, etc. If I see something and it strikes me I have no problem adding to my �Gabriel shelf.� :o)
~~Dried Flowers~~
With the flowers we received I let them air dry and put them in a glass vase/jar. I also dried our �violet roses� and they are in the jar too. I tied a purple bow on the top and voila----gorgeous!!
~~Poetry~~
I have collected oodles of poetry from various sites and bulletin boards. I included authors when they were with the poem, however many I didn�t find with author, so if you see one on the site that is �unknown� or doesn�t have an author, please email me and I will add the author. Thanks!
~~Keep a Journal~~
I didn�t do it �at the time� but I did it a few weeks later, because the memories are very vivid and the first few weeks were really rough-I couldn�t do it then. I have found reading through to be therapeutic---after time passes, the memories become jumbled and by having things down on paper, you can go back to put things in order. One aspect of grief is that you have a hard time remembering things, and then the things you do remember sometimes are missing parts, and it is sometimes scary to not be able to remember some aspect---for me anyway. So, by having a journal I can go back and remember and then I am fine.
~~Make something-cross-stitch, quilt, etc.~~
Well, we all know I CANNOT sew, but I can cross-stitch. So I made a pattern, �Gabriel� cherished teddy, and put in Gabriel�s birth date along with �Born an angel�. I have made a birth record for all my kiddos, so he was not to be excluded. The only time I got sad was when I was done with it��..the finality of my project. But all the time I spent on it was comforting and peaceful. As I have mentioned, it is the things that I do FOR Gabriel that bring me the most peace.
~~Memorial Card~~
One option is to send out memorial cards, but we didn�t go that route. I found a card for us to personalize and I put one of my favorite verses in it �And angel in the book of life wrote down my baby�s birth, and whispered as she closed the book �to beautiful for earth.�� I tied a purple ribbon around the card, so we have a nice keepsake of Gabriel�s service.
~~Windchimes~~
I was able to find angel windchimes, Angel Gabriel ones, but even if I wouldn�t have gotten these I would have tried to find some sort of windchime. I always remember being told that when you hear the sound of a wind chime it is a soul laughing in Heaven.
~~Pictures~~
Whether they are ultrasound or 35mm, pictures truly are priceless. One word on ultrasound photos----MAKE COPIES!! I scanned ours in the computer, so they are on disc as well as the computer. Ultrasound pic tend to deteriorate with time (Joshua�s are super faded and he is only 3), so please make copies. Also, I suggest getting 35mm pictures scanned too. I keep a cd in a firesafe box of all pictures, and will put Gabriel�s in there too----pictures are just too valuable to not take extra precautions. I also scanned his handprints and cross-stitch and anything else I could get on the scanner.
~~Christmas Ornament, stocking~~
What can I say here-we went overboard. I think Gabriel has 3 ornaments. But, we lost him right before Christmas, so it was hard this year. These ornaments and reminders brought us some sort of comfort and helped us get through the season. I still have one on his shelf that I had bought in Nov. when we were still in bliss. I also keep out the starfish that Kevin got me from Gabriel---too precious to put away. Stocking---well this too was up before Christmas and remained up throughout as it will every year from here on out.
~~Jewelry~~
I have heard of people having bracelets engraved with their Angels name (I like this idea), wearing a charm for the Angel�s bday, having birthstone earrings or pendants for the Angel bday, or a ring with the Angel�s birthstone. I have the last one and I love it. I also continue to wear the gold ring the hospital gave us in the memory box. I have gotten many comments, and people are very receptive when I have told them what and whose it is. :o)
~~Tattoo~~
Okay, you are thinking I am nuts now----but yes I did this too. I guess you could say I am on the extreme end of �remembering�, but it works for me and it is what has made me feel part of this world again. So, my tattoo is my dedication to Gabriel. I searched and found the design and I absolutely love it. It has such meaning, but yet is so simple. Perfect!
~~Pregnancy box~~
Now this one I haven�t done YET, but I am going to get a box to put all the �paperwork� in from when I was in the hospital, my labs, and my pregnancy journal. I have still not been able to confront the pregnancy journal, this brings me a great deal of pain, so for now I have it tucked away. But someday I would like to get a box to put all the �other� stuff in that we got ---such as grief booklets, coloring book, and all the things too big for the memory box.
~~Special Candle~~
On Christmas we lit a special candle for Gabriel. I have done it since then on days when I need a little help getting through. I plan on doing it on holidays, the expected due date, and other special days. If I only keep it lit for a few minutes or I keep it lit for hours, it is still in tribute to our Angel looking down upon us.
~~Lei on Due date~~
Even though I am most focused on Gabriel�s Angel Birthdate, I plan on doing something special on his due date, May 6. We plan on going to the edge of the island and releasing a lei in honor of our beloved son. This is a local tradition and I find it fitting for us.
~~Let yourself LOVE your baby and REMEMBER your baby in your heart and thoughts~~
Perhaps if you do nothing else, this is the most important. Let your feelings flow-they are normal and you will feel much better if you don�t try and forget or pretend you don�t love your baby because he/she is not here on Earth with you.
~~Name your baby~~
We named Gabriel the first time we saw him---it came to be out of the blue and it fit him perfectly. Many people choose not to name their child at birth (or their pregnancy lost) but do so at a later time. I have read countless accounts of days, months even years later parents naming their Angel. There is not right or wrong here. You do what you feel and that is what matters.
~~Other ideas I have read on various sites~~
~~Buy fresh flowers for your home to remember your baby and they will brighten your spirits too.
~~ Create or buy a special frame for your baby's picture(s) or birth certificate (or other certificate).
~~ Create a photo album or collage.
~~Wear a baby feet pin, angel pin, or the blue and pink ribbon in memory of the babies lost.
~~ Plan a special meal with family/friends to celebrate a special date (ie. birthday, anniversary date, etc)
~~ Contribute to your local church, school, library, or favorite charity in your baby's name. (I really love the library idea---inscribe a children�s book with your Angel�s name)
~~Donate a children's or pregnancy loss book to your local library. (I recommend the �Trying Again, by Ann Douglass�. I have this book and when I am �done� with it I plan on giving it to L&D so they can pass it on to another family. )
~~Visit the cemetery and take some flowers or plant a small toy to leave there
~~Plant a tree or plant in honor of your baby.
~~ Write a message to your baby on a balloon and release it. (I LOVE this idea)
~~ Reach out to others who have lost a baby to share experiences.
~~ Volunteer to help someone in need.
~~ Write a letter to your baby or a poem. (I�ve not gotten to this yet)
~~If you are a friend or family member of someone who has lost a baby----DO SOMETHING!!! Remember your loved one, your friend, the parents of this precious child. Send a card, and ecard, a letter, flowers, a small trinket, anything no matter how small is monumental to a grieving parent. Trust me on this one, even kind words, an �I remember� is huge!! You may think you don�t know what you can do, but trust me doing nothing is the gravest of mistakes. If you are still unsure after all these suggestions, just open up your heart and ask. I am sure they will tell you what they need or feel a huge sense of love if you just show the initiative and ask. If they tell you they need time, then that is fine, but don�t go away forever. Many times grieving parents are avoided or treated like they are foreign. This hurts. We are still alive and although our hearts are broken, we still need you. We need to know you are there and that you care. Please don�t be scared of us, because we are hurting. Someday we will be �better�, not the same, but somewhere closer than we are now. Give us time and give us love. That is what we need the most. :o)
If you have any other ideas to improve this page, please let me know. I know there are possible ideas I haven�t included or thought of, so if you have some, please email me!! I am always looking for new ideas.
I sincerely hope this helps at least one person. If it does, then my goal was attained! :o)
Thank-you and God bless our little angels, and each and every one of you!
~~~You are always a part of me, Gabriel~~~
Midi Selection: I Will Remember You