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July 4~~
Today I am 25 weeks!!!! It is a HUGE milestone in my neurotic mind---technically 24 weeks is viability, but now I am past that!!! Not that I am not going to worry over things, but at least now I know the baby has a chance if anything happens and she is born early. Of course I am not counting on that or anything---it's just a relief to pass the "viability mark."
I am finally letting it all sink in---all the excitement, anticipation, happiness, joy. There are dark moments that seep in, but I have found that I am "protecting myself" from the dark thoughts. It has been ages since I have been through Gabriel's box or album---actually I finally have put his memory box into my cedar chest. I know when I am ready or need to I will look through but right now I can't bear to focus on that. Sometimes I feel so guilty, but then I think that this is part of healing---I have reached a point where I haven't been obsessing over losing him---I *think* I have accepted that it "just was" and I can't change anything about it. I also find great solace in knowing that he is with us every day and will be with this baby forever---that through her, he will live on. There is not a day that I don't *wonder* what it would be like with him here---like now, he should be almost 2 months old....and in my mind I play those what ifs. I know why God chose the path that he did for us----to lose one child for the sake of another, but I do know that it has changed me as a person and I am trying to use that change to make myself a better wife,mom,friend,etc.
July 8~~
Today I woke up with the worst stomach cramps----I could hardly lay down or get comfortable. I had an appointment with Jordan this morning so I was going to see how I felt after that. Well, needless to say, my stomach still was cramping and I just "didn't feel right." So after I dropped him off at home I went up to Labor and Delivery (they don't want to see you in clinic if you are 25 weeks). Once I got there they did the usually U/A then monitoring(which the little one had the hiccups so it was quite funny)and various cultures. Turns out it was a UTI causing the trouble---lovely. But it is such a relief to have an "answer".....and the weird thing was I wasn't overly worried---in otherwords I wasn't freaking myself out with the "worst" thoughts I could muster.
July 12~~
Today is our first appointment with our new doctor, Dr. V. Kevin went with, because he had to "check things" out....he's funny that way. She is really nice---has many of the same mannerisms of Jen, so we know it's a good match. :o)She measures my belly---and everything is right on track. It was a quick, easy, and painless appointment.
The baby is an active little thing---and a hiccup monster. There isn't a day that goes by that she isn't hiccuping away in there. It is really amusing and so reassuring. I haven't been using my doppler hardly at all, but I can't bear to send it back. I know as soon as I would send it back I would have a parnoia episode and drive myself crazy. So for that reason it is worth the 25 bucks for a few more months. It is safe to say that the worries are not going to go away....no matter what week I am in.
July 23~~
Ohmygosh!!! I went NUTS at the Carter's store---I bought PINK,PINK,PINK!!! I am beyond ecstatic!!! Not only for the pink, but I have finally bought something for this little one. Yet another HUGE step----we ARE having a baby and I am tickled PINK!!! Of course I can exchange stuff if I need to get another color---like in case the baby comes with "spare parts." Haha!! I also got a bassinet last week---actually I bought two. I couldn't decide which I liked from looking at the box (they weren't assembled in the store), so I brought both home and Kevin put them together so we could decide. The one we got is so cute---it is portable so I can lug it up and down stairs and it even folds for travel---very cool. Life will be a little easier for me and quite comfy for the little one.
August 7~~~
We are 30 weeks!!!!!! Almost there......two more months to go---seems like forever, but yet it is just around the corner. I had another appointment today---I am on the two week schedule now. It was a breeze---everything is measuring right on, BP is great, baby sounds good, BUT weight gain---hahahahahaha!!! To date I have gained 35 pounds!! OMG!! With 10 more weeks to go--that is potentially another 10 pounds---wooo-hooo!!! I am a hippo!! Most of the times I think it is funny, but when I was asked if I had twins---now that wasn't too amusing to me. THEN when I have had to set aside maternity clothes that I can no longer FIT in....well that is an ego crusher!! THEN I am stretching out XL t-shirts----what in the heck is going on??? Kevin just thinks it is a riot---but I proved to him my butt is NOT bigger than his---I can get his jeans on and they have a bit of room in the back. Now I cannot get them buttoned---but that is a belly issue.....haha.
November 30~~~
Well, I have failed to keep up with my journal online, however I will update when I find the time---with birth story and the last few months. However, the exciting news is we welcomed Gabriella into the world on October 24, 2002. She is perfect in every way!! She weighed 9lbs 6oz. She arrived a week past her due date, which caused mommy some anxiety, but once we held her in our arms we knew that all our prayers had been answered. Our baby was here safe and sound. She is now five weeks old, I can't believe how fast the time has gone. She has brought so much joy to our lives I cannot even begin to express in words. And in my heart I know she is here with the blessing of Gabriel, her guardian angel above.
 27weeks 5 days
 29weeks 4 days
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