santa cuss
It was Christmas time in Cutsieville and Bobby and Sally, naturally perfectly behaved and simply adorable children, were going shopping with their mommy and daddy in the big city mall. When they got inside, Bobby and Sally became very excited and began to point and squeal with delight.
"Look, it's Santa Clause! May we please go and sit on his lap?"
"Of course you may," replied their mother with a smile. "We'll just be in the next store waiting for you."
So Bobby and Sally stood patiently in line as their parents walked out of sight. They knew this was a time to be on their best behaviour, so they didn't even push or shove. And they only stole one elf hat.
When they reached the front of the line they both went up together and plopped down on Santa's lap.
"I want-" Sally began.
"You want, you want," Santa shouted, engulfing them both in beer-drenched breath. "Well you know what?!? Every *?!# kid in this whole *&%$ line wants! 'I want, I want, I want!' That's all I hear the whole ?!@& DAY!!! Did it ever occur to your little pea-sized pink chunk of matter in your thick skull that I don't give a &%^$ing $#@! about what YOU want?!? Do you ever think about what I want? I DON'T THINK SO. You know what? I QUIT! The only reason I took this *!?#ing job in the first place was so I could buy beer, and I steal it now anyway! Get off my &^%*ing lap, you little %$@!?<^s, I'm on my way to Bermuda!"
Sally and Bobby sat in stunned silence as they watched Santa storm out of the mall. They had never heard half the words Santa had used in their entire sheltered lives, but they got the feeling that he was mad at them. Which meant less presents. Wailing and screaming, they ran into the store where their mommy said she would be waiting. She wasn't there. No one would help the kids who made Santa leave so they ended up sleeping under Santa's chair, taking turns snuggling up in the stolen elf hat.
The End
Children's Stories You'll Never See>>>
Created 8/3/03
Updated 8/8/03
© 2003 Kristin Lindgren