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| PLEASE, don't ask me if I'm over it yet. I'll never be over it. PLEASE, don't tell me he's in a better place. He isn't here with me. PLEASE, don't say at least he isn't suffering. I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all. PLEASE, don't tell me you know how I feel, Unless you have lost a child. PLEASE, don~'t ask me if I feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up. PLEASE, don't tell me at least you had him for so many years. What year would you choose for your child to die? PLEASE, don't tell me God never gives us more than we can bear. PLEASE, just say you are sorry. PLEASE, just say you remember my child, if you do. PLEASE, just let me talk about my child. PLEASE, mention my child's name. PLEASE, just let me cry. --By Rita Moran |
| WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT SAY...to a parent of a dead child Resolution: I will not SHOULD on myself today, and I won't let others SHOULD on me either! Some people are just full of SHOULD and are standing in line to tell us how we SHOULD grieve and what we SHOULD do. And usually, all this SHOULD comes from people whohave never lost a child . In 'Much Ado About Nothing," William Shakespeare wrote "Every man can handle grief but he who has it." The French novelist Albert Camus, expressed how the bereaved person probably feels: "Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me, and be my friend." We've all had our share of the buck up, hurry up, feel guilty, religious SHOULD dumped on us at one time or another: Here's what you SHOULD NOT SAY: * You SHOULD be strong * You SHOULD get hold of yourself * You SHOULD not dwell on the past * You SHOULD remember that time heals all wounds * You SHOULD keep busy * You SHOULD go back to work * You SHOULD get on with your life * You SHOULD be over this by now * You SHOULD count your blessings * You SHOULD clean out their rooms/ get rid of their things (You SHOULD not say such things - you SHOULD not even think of them!) * You SHOULD be grateful for the time you had * You SHOULD learn to forgive * You SHOULD accept it as God's will * You SHOULD remember that God never gives us more than we can bear. ... |
| I have often been asked what is it that you could/should say to a mother (or a father) that has lost her child. That's a difficult issue. I think it would be easier to tell, what you should NOT say. Here are some thoughts about the most common mistakes: Also read about the issue from these fantastic sites by Sonya Marvel (www.myparentsaresurvivors.com) Do's and dont's in grieving Gentle wisdom |
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