| Chapter 7 |
| The Book of Je |
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| Copyright 2003 KPUT Komedy Ink. All rights reserved |
| The ringing of his cellular phone tipped Joe from his cocoon of work. He turned away from the computer, rubbed his eyes, and retrieved the communication device. "Hello?" "Hi, Honey," Enid said. The slight muffle to her voice indicated she was on her cellular phone as well. "How's it coming along?" "I'm getting things done," Joe managed to say before a long yawn. "What kinds of things?" his wife asked, then moved the phone away from her mouth and said, "It goes in that corner." "Carl agreed to help with the school problem," Joe said as he noticed with some alarm that night pressed against the windows. "And he recommended a lawyer to defend the neighbors. She wanted-" "She?" "Yeah, her name's Shannon Biasiolli. She wanted the names and addresses of all the neighbors, so I started typing up a list. But then I couldn't remember everybody so I stood on the porch and looked at each house, writing down names and numbers. But then I couldn't remember some of the last names, like Trish and Steve." "Wertrog." "Yeah, well, I ended up going into their mailboxes to read the last name on the mail. So I got Wertrog, and Ypzillanti and Flores and Eudint." "Smart thinking," Enid acknowledged, before saying to someone else, "Second room on the left." "What second room on the left? Where are you?" After a short pause, Enid hastily redirected, "In a minute. Finish your story first." "Okay," Joe said, aware that this delay indicated that she was up to something he might find unpleasant. "So two hours later, I faxed- Holy cow! Is it really 8:10?" "That's what my watch says. So you faxed the list to Biasiolli?" "I've been staring at a computer screen for the last three hours." Joe rubbed his eyes again. "Anyway, I faxed the list, and then I went to work deciding how to divide the money among the different school districts. At five, Carl called me to say that he'd created a boilerplate contract for the school districts, and all that needed to be done was me to determine the dollar amounts to be inserted in each contract. He faxed the contract over to me- it's eighteen pages long- and I read it, called him back, and told him it's fine." "Is it fine or did your eyes glaze over at all the legalese?" "Well, it's definitely thick with legalese but I was able to find what I wanted at the bottom of page eleven. Basically, the districts can only spend the money on teachers and staff salaries, security, etc. You know, anything necessary to keep the schools open. They can't start new projects or put up new buildings or buy new books, unfortunately." Enid queried, "So how are you dividing the money?" Joe yawned again. "I just sent Carl an e-mail about that. Per student. It's the only fair way. Let me get the numbers." The tired man gazed at the adhesive notes lining the computer monitor. "Okay. There's� there's� it's here somewhere� There. There's 6,244,403 public school students in California. When you divide 177 million by that number, you get $28.34 per kid. Doesn't sound like much, right?" "Not much at all," Enid replied. "But consider that Reseda High has 2,454 students. $28.34 times 2,454 equals $69,546.36. LAUSD oversees 746,852 kids. That's $21,165,785.68." Again, Enid's lips were directed away from the phone. "About six inches that way. Two inches back. Perfect. Right there. Thank you." Returning to their conversation, Enid joked, "The schools should stay open for a least a week on that much." "Yeah, uh, they sure don't have any excuse not to. I'm getting very intrigued. Where are you right now?" "Before I tell you that, let me explain what happened." "But-" "After I dropped you off," Enid continued, ignoring Joe's interruption, "I was on my way to the Northridge Mall when I came upon a furniture store with some beautiful pieces in the display window. I went inside and discovered that everything was first class. Just incredible fabrics, wood, designs, everything. I didn't have any reason to hold back, so I bought everything I wanted." "Everything? How much did that come to?" "About 20,000 dollars. But keep in mind that this is an independent furniture store, not one of those heartless chains." Joe's lower jaw was too stunned to fight gravity. "20,000? Sweetheart, we've never spent 20,000 on a car, much less furniture!" "That's because we've never had 20,000 dollars to spend before. Now we do. So Clara asked me- "Clara?" "The owner. Sweet lady. Wasn't pushy at all. Cl-" "She didn't have to be!" Joe interjected. "You're her dream customer!" "Yes. So Clara asked where the furniture should be delivered to, and I was about to give her our address but then I realized that there was too much furniture to fit into our home and the garage. So I asked her to hold the furniture- "Until we build an addition onto the house?" "No," Enid admonished. "Let me finish. I drove around Tarzana and I found a house that was still for sale that I saw earlier." "You didn't," Joe moaned. "Hear me out. 4500 square feet. Five bedrooms, four bathrooms, a pool, a hot tub, a four-car garage-" "4500? That's three times the size of this house!" "Good math skills," Enid complimented. "Please," Joe sighed. "I've been doing math all afternoon." "I called the real estate agent, we met in her office, I offered the asking price plus a little extra to close escrow by six o'clock, I went back to the credit union for a cashier's check, and at six o'clock she handed me the keys. I then called Clara and told her to send the furniture over. The delivery men are just about finished." Now it was Joe's turn to give a long pause. "You bought another house." "I bought a better house. It's in great condition-" "What are the neighbors like?" "I haven't met the neighbors. Come to think of it, I haven't seen any neighbors. But it's still just a bicycle ride to Reseda High, except you'll be coming from a different direction." "Well, that's a blessing," Joe said dryly. "How much did it cost, this house?" "It was only 870,000 dollars. For this neighborhood that's really good, Joe." "Enid, when you said you were going shopping, I thought you just meant� stuff! Stuff that would fit into this house!" "Joe, we're rich! We can have whatever the hell we want!" "But I want my regular life!" "What regular life?" Enid's tone bordered on acidic. "Even if we hadn't won the lottery, our children and grandchildren are gone! All of our neighbors are gone! You don't have a job!" "That's only temporary," Joe shot back. "But who knows? Maybe not. You were right, honey." "I know." Pause. "About what?" "Everything changes." Joe's voice sounded defeated. "And that causes you pain." "Yes. Sweetheart, I'm sure the house is beautiful. I wanna come over-" "What? Okay. Just a moment. Joe, the delivery men are done and I need to give them their tip. I'll call you right back." "Why don't I just-" The phone was silent. Joe shut off the cell phone and his computer. He quickly felt so exhausted that he paid no attention to the time as he brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas, two of the few activities remaining from his 'regular life'. Yet these activities didn't feel regular. Every action required intense labor to complete while fighting drowsiness. His anvil of a head thudded on the bedspread, just missing his pillow, and Joe realized he had left his cell phone back in the living room. When it rang, he would have to somehow find the strength to rise and retrieve it. 'Dear God,' he thought, 'Thank you for� sleep�' Ding. Joe's eyes opened. Ding. The doorbell? "I'll get it." But first, one gentle kiss on Enid's sublime cheek. Enid? He instantly raised his upper body. No Enid! For the first time in over a decade, he awoke alone in their bed. Where was she? Did she� did she spend the night in the new house? Joe caught sight of the clock. 8:07 a.m. 8:07!? He forgot to set his alarm! For the first time in over a decade, Joe experienced over eleven continuous hours of sleep, yet he remained familiar with the consequences. 'Nuts!' he thought. 'Now I'll be tired all morning.' For Joe, too much sleep was as debilitating as not enough sleep. Ding. Joe clumsily wrapped his robe around his torso as he trudged to the front door. He looked through the peephole to see a thin, lengthy woman dressed in a dark suit and skirt, her back facing him. He opened the door. The woman turned. The first aspect that struck Joe was her incredible beauty. Her mane of shoulder length, light auburn hair framed a pale porcelain face displaying enormous brown eyes, a finely chiseled nose, an exquisite chin, and lips thicker than #2 pencils coated in a stunning shade of scarlet. Her flawless neck was unusually long, matching the proportions of the rest of her impressive body. The hemline of her skirt brushed over her knees, revealing muscular, curving legs enhanced by black stockings and glistening black high heels. She couldn't have been more than forty. A maroon nylon tote bag hung on one shoulder. She held a clipboard with writing pad in both hands. The visitor smiled, revealing a set of teeth more perfect than piano keys. "Joe?" "Yeah?" "Nonnie Biasiolli. Could I speak to you for a moment?" "Hi, Nonnie! Yeah. Come on in." After fumbling with the lock, he held the screen door open. She glided into the house and stood only a few inches away. Her lavender smell, even her vibe, was just as outstanding as her appearance. Any remnants of slumber within Joe's brain vanished. "I received your fax yesterday and came over this morning to see the area." Her smile continued, as if Joe had a quality that intrigued her. "I took pictures of each home and I would like to get statements from you and your wife about what happened yesterday morning." "Right. Right. My wife�" His eyes had a difficult time breaking away from the gaze of the attractive lawyer. It was with reluctance that he searched for his cell phone. Wasn't Enid supposed to call him last night? Did he sleep through her attempts to reach him? "My wife isn't here." He found his phone and looked at the digital display. Instead of "1 phone call missed", the cartoonish A+ and checkmark screensaver greeted him, indicating that Enid never called back. "Did I wake you?" Nonnie asked. "Yeah, but that's a good thing. Who knows how long I would've slept if you hadn't come along," Joe answered while punching in Enid's cell phone number. "Just give me a minute here, please." He held the phone up to his ear. Enid's voice mail message was already playing. "-id Fillner. Please leave a message and I'll call you back as soon as I remember to turn my cell phone on or charge it back up." Enid's phone had to be dead. There was no reason for her to turn it off, and it would explain why she didn't call him back last night. Joe switched off his unit, realizing that he had no idea where the new house was. "My wife isn't, uh, isn't available right now. Can she talk to you later?" "Absolutely," Nonnie said cheerfully. "Here's how I'm thinking the morning could proceed: You'll get yourself ready, we'll sit down and you tell me what happened yesterday, then I'll follow you to your bank to pick up the cashier's check for my retainer." "Yeah," Joe acknowledged. "Um, unfortunately my wife has the car. I, uh, I can take a cab to the credit union." "Oh no, no, no. I can drive you to your credit union and return you to your home. My first appointment isn't until one o'clock." "Great. Then I'm gonna take a quick shower. Um, will you be� okay� here� by yourself?" "Certainly. I have a ton of phone calls to make." The lawyer immediately sat down on the sofa. Even the way she lowered her shapely butt to the cushions was enchanting. Joe found himself wanting to watch her make those calls, to study her and take in more of her magnificent visage. But he already told her he would be bathing, and there was some other reason to rush things along� that's right, his neighbors. Nonnie had come to help rescue his neighbors. The sooner she took the retainer check in her flawless hand, the sooner Gladys and Roland and Wilma would be back in their dwellings. But Joe realized with mild shock that, if Enid ever got in touch with him, he might not be in this one when that day came. After showering and dressing in clothes usually reserved for union meetings and somewhat fancy parties, Joe took a seat across from Nonnie and recounted everything that happened the previous morning regarding the removal of his neighbors. The lawyer's hand moved so rapidly that there was no doubt of every word being captured on her pages. "So do you think we can get them out?" Joe asked hopefully. "I'll be honest with you, Joe- I don't know." A concerned expression arose on Nonnie's face, yet this did nothing to lessen her beauty. "With the anti-terrorist climate as intense as it is now, the burden of proof is on your neighbors, not on the government. We'll have to work incredibly hard to prove that they are not criminals. Also, we're working on behalf of 167 people from 51 homes, a far greater number than usual." "What's usual?" Joe wondered. "One or two. Four at the most. So you can see how daunting this first appears. But it certainly isn't impossible. It's simply a matter of organization and persistence." Strangely, Joe felt calm, completely enveloped in Nonnie's positive attitude, confident that she was the right lawyer for this monumental job. 'Dear God,' he thought as he held the front door open for his guest, 'thank you for bringing this exceptional person into my life. Help her as she tries to help my neighbors from their nightmarish plight. And please help Enid to reach me somehow. Please get her to a phone so that she can call me and tell me where she is and that she's okay.' Joe locked up the house as he continued his prayer. 'And thank you also for all the sleep I got last night. This morning didn't start off the way I would have wanted, but I realize that yesterday was much more stressful than normal, and I needed all that sleep. Thank you also for blocking out that groggy feeling I usually get when I sleep over eight hours. Being alert has helped me to help Nonnie help the neighbors.' Joe entered the passenger seat of Nonnie's sky blue Toyota Prius. After taking a moment to enjoy the fragrance of the car's interior, Joe noticed something a tad alarming- the way Nonnie sat in her seat caused her skirt to bunch up, exposing more of those near-perfect legs. He immediately turned away, but the image of those shimmering black limbs refused to leave his mind. Nonnie drove precisely 25 miles per hour down Hesperia Avenue. "I don't know why I'm driving at the speed limit," she said. "With all of your neighbors detained, there's almost no possibility of an accident." "Enid said the same thing, and then she went charging down the street at 60." The driver smiled. "We're not in that big a hurry, are we?" "Nope," Joe chuckled. "You know, Nonnie, you really impress me." The smile disappeared. "I do?" "Yeah. You don't wear any clothing made from animals, your bag is synthetic, not leather, and you drive a car that gets great gas mileage and pollutes a lot less." Her smile returned. "I respect animals and the environment. And I do not view my car as a measure of my success." "I bet your make-up isn't tested on animals, either. Hmm?" The sound of Nonnie's laughter was a musical delight. "Joe, It's like you've known me all my life." |
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