And its suddenly an attack of the DVDs. Whilst I agree that everybody should dump their crappy VHS video players in exchange for a top 'o the range DVD player, this seems to be a process thats going very slowly. So whilst having most of the items for rental on DVD might be 'cool' and 'future friendly' those who are scraping the pennies together to buy a DVD are left out in the cold. Its going to be a good while before VHS is completely eradicated, but it looks like the video rental shop is taking the step before everyone else. Cunts.
THINGS THAT ARE WRONG ABOUT 24 HOUR VIDEO SHOP
This place is crazy, you dont know what to expect. In the day, they'll have up to 3 people working. Just sitting around, looking at the beautiful day outside. One member of staff may be talking to a customer but the other two are bored shit less. Then you visit at night - no buggers there! It is supposed to be computer operated at night. What if you had a query at night and nobody is around to help you? Why not, simply, take one of the 3 day workers to work night shifts? That way, people can still become a member 24 hours a day. Or just sack two of the 3 people in the day - lazy people piss me off.
You cannot deny that they have like 20 movies for rental. Sure, on the big hit movies they'll have 2 or perhaps 3 copies for rental, but who cares? They are always taken out anyway. You must have to come at the right time to nab your movie, but when is that? People can take their movies back 24 hours a day! Arrgh!! So, if your movie you want isn't in, then you're basically screwed unless you come back a few hours later in hope that its in. Atleast the video shop opposite kings has around 10 copies of the big movies. 24 video struggles at three. And the other movies for rental are crap anyway. No pirate movies (no not copies, actual pirate movies with beards and parrots), no decent comedys and all the porn looks soft-core anyway. Not that would interest me anyway - porn is for low-lifes. Its all the latest releases and some crappy ones that didn't make it to the silver screen. Bullshit.
During the day, it looks like your average 24 hour video shop rental bullshit place. But at night it becomes really freaky. When the last person leaves, they turn on this big purple neon light. Not only that, it has this creepy metal floors and walls. When you walk past, it'll be sure to give you the shivers. They're doing themselves no favours by making it look so pant-browning. Old people will be scared away ("none of this in my day") and youngsters, well, you have to be 18 to use the place anyway.
Everyday it seems more likely that the machines are going to have their wicked way with us. No, not like that you sick bastard, i'm talking terminator 3 style. Kill all humans and such. Well, this the next step. Humans have entrusted a computer to run the 24hour shop at night. Not only that, it has its very own database for storing all your names on and has a camera so it can watch what you're doing. Next, the computer will amass its own nuclear weapons and fire them at all the addresses it has stored... that'll teach you to sign up to such bullcrap.
Although they do offer a film called 'how high' for rental, its still a black dudes stoner flick. I don't see a movie entitled 'stoner movie for white people'. Its all about the 'niggers' as they put it, and the herb. Not only do they reject you with their piss-poor line up of movies, but the cheeky arsed bandits haven't even put a vending machine in there. So you're in town, 3am, and got some serious munchies, get your skates on! Its a long trek to the 24 food shop.
When they were advertising for the place before anybody knew what it was, the simply had a picture of this fit bird holding a playstation control pad and the words "Soon, she'll be getting it 24 hours a day". Ooh, how dirty you think. She'll be getting it from me 24 hours a day... So you expect this sexy business (this is before they told anyone it would be a video shop, so everybody had high hopes) and perhaps some sexy ladies getting their babs out. Tradgic. Have you seen the mole woman who works there during the day? Not only does she manage to fit the criteria 'Female version of mottram' perfectly, but shes about 4ft.. She only smiles when you walk into the shop and I'm sure she smells a bit like butter. Fucking scrubber. Wheres the fit bird who'll be getting it 24 hours a day? Actually, she won't be getting anything, there is no decent movies to take out!!!
Perhaps the lack of any decent movies could be due to the shop size. I imagine the whole shop to be the length of my living room. So say on half is taken on the actual bit where people can walk in. The other half must be storage for the movies, a staff room and a toilet. So how are they supposed to fit all the latest releases in such a tiny storage area. Its not like they can use upstairs.... believe it or not, its acutally somebody's house up there!
Somehow, gypises have found their foul way into becoming a part of this. To sign up, you need something like 3 forms of identification. Fair enough, well actually that isn't, its too much hassel. But where the hell are gypos getting 3 forms of I.D. from? And one of the the I.D.s have to be proof of address. Bastards gypos getting their sticky mitts all over things. Scratching the DVD that you're going to take out next, perhaps?
This it like the 6th 24hour video shop to have opened since it started, across the UK. A bit confident aren't we? Been open only just over a year and already we have franchises in altringham and um, middlewich. Way to go jackass. They'll realise that it'll fall flat on it face soon enough. Don't be suprised if its not here next year. It may be the future of home entertainment, but like the future is going to be, its going to be crappy.
Indeed, I've only just thought of this off the top of my head, but be wise and leave an open mind. You think that 99p per movie rental is der cheap so you're constantly getting movies out and actually ending up spending MORE. Okay, you do get to see alot of movies, but then the thrill of watching a movie isn't as good so you have to watch more movies in order to get the same buzz. Oh fuck you. I still have 9 good points there.