This Is The Story of How We Adopted Our Two Sons From Ukraine

Andre, Cheryl,
and Stefan a week after our return from Ukraine
Andre, Cheryl, and Stefan a week after our return from Ukraine

A few words of Introduction


Cheryl and I first started talking seriously about adoption in the spring of 2000. We were pretty sure that we wanted to go with a foreign adoption, possibly from Ukraine (since that is my heritage). Cheryl had her heart set on an infant. We realized that the process could be very long and drawn out, so we were eager to get the process started, but were at a complete loss when it came to finding and choosing an agency. We had checked the internet, and read many horror stories of inept agencies, enless delays, hardship, downright crooked lawyers, etc.. For this reason, we really didn't want to just pick any agency out of the phone book. But on the other hand, we didn't know anybody with experience in overseas adoption who could provide a personal recommendation either. So progress on our adoption plans languished on the back burner until Memorial Day weekend.

On Memorial day, we were in Minneapolis for our annual Midwest Morris Ale (convention of morris dancers), when we happened to discover that one of our morris acquaintances who lives in Minneapolis had just completed an adoption from Ukraine. We met with him and his wife briefly and met his new children. He spoke highly of the agency which had coordinated their adoption. So we got a phone number and email address from him.

When we got back to Omaha, I put in a call to Zina, the owner and director of the adoption agency. I left a message on her answering machine briefly stating the reason for my call and leaving my contact information. About a week passed, and I had all but forgotten about having left a message when a phone call came as Cheryl and I were leaving the house to go to a rehearsal. Cheryl answered the phone and from her end of the conversation, I could tell she was confused. Finally she handed the phone over to me saying, "I don't know who it is, but she has a strong accent, so she must be somebody you know." Well, within a few seconds of taking the phone, I knew that it was Zina returning my call. I sat down with my jacket still on, for what turned out to be at least a 45 minute conversation. Right then and there, we started discussing the intricacies of the adoption process, laying plans, discussing possibilities, setting out a timeline. Zina wasted no time, asked plenty of questions and pumped so much information my way that when I finally got off the phone with her, my head was spinning. Information overload! I looked at my feeble attempts to take notes and realized they were next to useless. Meanwhile Cheryl had caught on to who I was talking to, and of course, wanted to know everything. I didn't know how to begin to explain it all to her, especially since I only vaguely understood it myself. I'm afraid I didn't have very satisfactory answers to any of her questions. I felt totally unprepared, but somehow sensed that for better or worse, we had started the ball rolling and it was picking up speed quickly.

One of the tangible results of the conversation with Zina was that she sent us out an information packet, which we were to get started on. We were also to locate an agency for the home study. When the packet came, we took our time reading over it. I still felt like we had a hundred unanswered questions. The packet shed some light, but also brought out at least a hundred new questions. Zina's questioning had also given us cause to reevaluate what we really wanted, as far as age, gender, and number of children. So we discussed that a little bit each day. For example, Cheryl had said that she wanted an infant, but Zina had brought up some good reasons why a toddler would be a better choice. Also, because of the cost information that she sent, it became apparent that if we were intending to eventually adopt more than one child, it would be far less expensive and easier to adopt two at once, rather than one at a time. As I said we were discussing these things in a leisurely fashion, trying to figure things out, really had no intention of finding a home study agency yet. We figured that the process would take at least a year, and there was no reason to get in a rush just yet.

One of the things Zina included in her information packet was a reference list of people who had adopted through her agency. We decided that the prudent thing to do would be to call some of the people on the list and ask them about their experiences with Zina and Ukrainian adoption. It seemed like Zina was calling on us to put our faith in her and just let her take care of everything. We were both a little uncomfortable with that idea, since we really knew nothing about her or her agency. The people we contacted were all satisfied with the service they got from Zina, some complained about the process or the travel, but nobody had anything negative to say about her. That eased our minds a little bit, and I think that as the process went on and we ran up against the inevitable difficulties, we both comforted ourselves with the knowledge that these other couples had been through this successfully with this agency, and were now happy families.

After a couple of weeks, we had assembled a list of questions to ask Zina, and so we gave her a call. As before, I got the answering machine. Again, she called back at a time when we least expected it (through no fault of her own). As I started on my list of questions, I again started to feel myself loose control of the conversation. Each question opened a floodgate of information, counter-questions, possible scenarios, etc. Fortunately, this time I had the presence of mind to signal Cheryl to listen in on the conversation on the phone in the bedroom and try to take notes (she's a much better note taker than I). Now at least we had 2 people trying to absorb the information. The one problem was that Cheryl found it very difficult to understand her through the Russian accent. I think this conversation lasted at least an hour to an hour and a half. I remember getting off the phone and just sitting there dazed, waiting for the information to soak into my already oversaturated brain like rainwater soaking into an overwatered garden. Again, Zina had urged us to find a home study agency soon. Her plan was to have us traveling in about a year, maybe slightly less. To us that meant either late winter or spring of 2001. We couldn't figure out what her hurry was. All we had to do was fill out some papers, go through the home study, and be ready to travel in Ukraine for about 1 month. We figured we had plenty of time.

One thing that we began to realize as a result of this conversation was that few questions had a neat, pat answer. Most of the answers spawned new questions...also without neat, pat answers. It became clear that nothing could be taken for granted, nothing was for sure, and we had better be prepared for every contingency.....no, not just prepared, doubly prepared. It also became clear that adoption laws and policies were in a constant state of flux in Ukraine and Russia, and that Zina was constantly having to rethink her strategies, and react to new procedures as they came up. Not only that, but it appeared that enforcement of the laws varied by region and locality and even orphanage, some laws were ignored, others enforced, but most were quite bendable if lubrication were applied in the proper places. We began to get the strong feeling that Zina maintained a network of reliable contacts throughout Russia and Ukraine. Insiders who kept her informed and help smooth the way for her clients. From my previous experiences traveling in Ukraine, I knew that this was the way things got done in Ukraine. Its not what you know, its who you know, that makes the difference between success and failure in any Ukrainian venture.

After this conversation, things were looking more definite, and we were getting more comfortable with Zina. We decided that we had better start looking over the paperwork and making some calls to local agencies who were certified to do home studies. The more we got into the paperwork the more we realized that just completing all the necessary information was going to be a monumental task. There were forms that were needed from banks, from the INS, from the home study agency, from the Secretary of State, from the Ukrainian Consulate, the travel agency, our places of work, the mortgage holder, personal references, certified copies of birth certificates and marriage licenses, background checks from the Police, the Sherriff, the Department of Social Services, State Patrol. Most things had to be notarized in duplicate, triplicate, even quintuplicate and authenticated by the government. Not to mention shopping for the items we would need to have with us when we traveled. Now we were beginning to understand why Zina wanted us to get started.

It was shortly after we began to realize the extent of the work that lay ahead of us, sometime in early to mid July, that I got a phone call at work from Zina. She explained that there was another couple that was ready to travel with us, and she had located children for us, but could we be ready to travel in November of this year? I was floored! November of this year?! When in November? Well, early to mid November, probably the second week of November....she figured that we needed to be there by the 13th, and we needed a day for travel. I thought we could make it, but knew it would be difficult. Less than 4 months to finish everything. About half the time we had originally planned on. "Hurry, hurry" Zina urged me as we ended the conversation, time is short and everything must be done without fail.

When I told Cheryl later that day that we were traveling in early November, she stared at me in stunned silence for about 30 seconds before she sprang into action. From that time until early November, we spent just about every spare waking hour planning, preparing, making phone calls, filling out paperwork, and shopping. It was stressful, confusing and time consuming, but we got it all done with just enough time left to take a short vacation to Vermont before travelling to Ukraine. We figured it would be our last vacation as DINKs.

Throughout it all we were very carefull that everything was done according to the letter. Why even acquiring the proper amount of cash, in the proper denominations, crisp new bills every one, was a task. We went from bank to bank, and assigned relatives to go to their banks, just to get enough new cash. The tellers probably thought we were criminals of some sort..."new, unmarked bills only please". Every i was dotted, every t was crossed. I probably lost a couple night's sleep toward the end, just worrying that we hadn't forgotten anything, and making sure we would have everything organized and packed.

Finally the big day arrived. Sunday, the 12th of November. Cheryl and I each had a convertible rucksack/suitcase for our personal items. We also had two pull behind "flight bag" style suitcases for the "gifts" and for the toys, clothes, medications, and other childrens items. A total of 4 decent sized bags. Our dog had been sent on a vacation to a friend's house, where she enjoyed a full month of harassing the live poultry and playing with the other dogs (thanks Kathleen). Our house was under watchful eyes (thanks family and neighbors). My coworker Scott had copies of our dossier and all important papers just in case we lost our luggage and needed an emergency fax. Everything was set.

I will now begin with the day-by-day entries we made in the journal we kept while in Ukraine. Entries in plain font are Cheryl's take on the events of the day, entries in italics are my take on the events.



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