So sorry people
for such a slow ass update…
Chapter: 9
I looked up at Jonathan from where I lay beneath him. He looked angry because I had just told him
to stop. His expression was very much
one of a “How dare you?” nature. Slowly
I sat up, keeping eye to eye with him.
“I don’t understand you…one minute you don’t want me to touch you
and the next minute…” I trailed. Jon
looked at me a moment and then seemed to snap back to reality.
“I’m messed up.” He said softly.
That’s when I flicker of realization crossed my mind. He just needed desperately, for someone to
show that they cared about him. That’s
why he dressed the way he did, that was the reason behind a lot of things,
including his somewhat erratic behavior.
He wanted genuine love on the one hand, people not judging him on his
appearance and loving him for what he was, yet he was so desperate for this
affection he would do anything. I sat up
fully with Jon almost sitting in my lap and I planted my lips on his.
“I know what you want.” I said quietly, “I know you want someone
to give a damn for even one second.” He
nodded and wrapped his thin arms possessively around my waist. I leaned in close.
“I’ll be around more than just one second.” I promised. I think at that point in time I was actually
intending on keeping it- I was falling into something resembling love. I could feel the cold clamminess of
Jonathan’s skin as my hands ran up and down the soft skin of his back
soothingly. I didn’t intend to go very
far, but we started kissing and things escalated until Jonathan was in bed
beside me in an equal state of undress.
We were kissing and touching so strongly and yet, gently, both of us
writhed with passion. All inhibitions
were completely thrown aside, I think for the first time. I didn’t think once about my precious
reputation. Everything being done right
now was purely for some sort of connection. Jon’s fingers were running through
my hair, sending small waves of pleasure down my spine in little ripples of
heat. Who would have known something so
small would be so enjoyable?
“Jon!” I gasped so softly that I think even he barely heard
me. My hands were all over him, my mind
in so many places at once. All happy,
all with no thought of my friends or what others would think. In a way things had never been more clear. Jon and I
finally paused enough in our kissing for Jonathan to speak a few very important
words.
“I want to do it.” He said quietly. His face was full of apprehension when he
said it. It almost made me doubt him for
a second. This was not hormone driven
episode. This was actually something
important. I actually wanted to do this,
and not because of the aching want between my legs. I sat back a moment and looked at Jon.
“Are you sure?” I asked more for my benefit than for his. He nodded slowly. My stomach all the sudden felt nervous as I
realized I really didn’t know what I was doing.
I wasn’t a complete idiot, I knew what belonged where, but actually doing it was a lot different. My hands fumbled with the nightstand drawer
as I pulled it open so hard that it almost fell right out of it’s
holding. Do I look to horny? Am I rushing
this? I reached into the drawer and
felt around until I found the generic tube of lube I kept in the handy
drawer. Jonathan leaned back until he
was laying down against my pillows, then turned and
propped himself up with one before closing his eyes and relaxing once
more. My hands shook as I opened the
tube and deposited, what I thought was a decent amount of the lube on my
fingers. Jon had heard all my movements
and spread his legs ever so slightly. I
nervously ran my fingers up and down his entrance, tracing around the sensitive
spot with two fingers, causing Jon to tremble, before finally pushing both
inside. Jon gasped and his eyes flew
open. I could feel his muscles clench
around me and immediately got the impression I was doing something wrong. Immediately I froze. Jonathan’s right hand searched blindly across
the sheets and found the tube of lube.
“I’ll need a lot more than that.” He said in a somewhat strained
voice, “Trust me.” I gently removed my
fingers and took the tube from Jon’s shaking hand. Shit I
must have really been hurting him. I
squirted a huge amount on my fingers before rubbing them at his entrance and
trying again. This time his muscles
clenched for a moment before he lay back and relaxed. This was different,
it wasn’t at all like being with a girl.
What I had to do was different.
Gently I scissored my fingers inside of Jon, I
must have been doing something right because he let out a soft moan. I leaned down to kiss him softly, which he
responded to hungrily. Finally both of
us were getting tired of simply fooling around- but that didn’t exactly help
the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing.
That’s when Jonathan sort of took the lead. He wrapped his legs around my waist and
pulled me on top of him gently, and I figured out where to go from there. I could feel my erection throbbing at his
entrance, Jon’s muscles tensing and relaxing once more before I pushed inside
of him slowly. I gasped at the warmth
and tightness of him and he pushed his hips involuntarily up towards mine. For a moment both of us stay almost perfectly
still. It’s clear that Jon is adjusting
to the feeling of having something inside of him for the first, consenting time
ever. I was about ready to collapse from
the simple pleasure of being inside of him.
I leaned down and kissed his soft lips gently when I thought the moment
was right, then slow backed off and slid into him again. I couldn’t get over how good this was. He was a lot tighter than anything I had ever
experienced- and warmer, and more importantly, this was something more
emotional than I had ever experienced as well.
We moved slowly together, both unsure of what we were doing, worrying
more about the other person, until finally blissful relaxation washed over us
both. I didn’t realize that both of us
were going at it pretty hard until I realized that the bed board was banging up
against the wall.
“Shit am I hurting you?” I panted, barely
able to get the words out. Jon shook his
head and clawed at my shoulders, fingers pressing into my sweaty skin. We were both gasping for breath. I could feel the familiar twinge in the pit
of my stomach and a tingle in the base of my spine. Wanting to prolong the amount of time I was
with Jon, I careful changed positions, pulling him up so he sat in my lap. He moaned quietly, adjusting to the new place
I had found within him. I pushed him up
against the bed board, pinning him there once more as we moved, yet again
together, this time, Jon sitting in my lap.
He moaned loudly when I thought I had pushed in a little too hard and
quickly and I quickly stopped.
“Do it again.” He breathed.
Whatever you say. I pushed in with the same amount of force as
before and he bit down on my neck, moaning.
“Jon I’m so close.” I murmured into his ear. He was breathing so heavily he could just
manage a nod. I adjusted yet again so we
were laying down.
Then pressed my lips upon his gently again, but he captured them roughly
and forced his tongue into my mouth, teasing mine. I tensed again and moaned. I couldn’t take it anymore. I could fell Jon’s muscles contracting around
me tightly.
“Shit.” He moaned softly. I
was so close now, any second…
***
I felt Adam’s muscles tense again
and knew this was it. I had been holding
on for the past couple of minutes- just barely.
After having my prostate hit numerous times though, it was getting
difficult to hang on. Clawing Adam’s
shoulders and back, biting into the tender flesh of his collarbone just wasn’t
enough anymore. I moaned at the same
time as Adam spilled into me and I came on his stomach and the sheets around
me. We collapsed in a sweaty heap on the
bed, panting heavily. Adam remained
inside me, my muscles spasmodically clenching and releasing around him, causing
him to release shuddering gasps even after his climax.
I lay back thinking about what I had just done. You’re
fucking sick. I bet you enjoyed that you
faggot. They all know you’re a fag. They’ve all known since you were a little
kid. This wasn’t your first time you
little whore. You know it. Why don’t you just go out into the street and
ask people to fuck you. You’re so
dirty. A dirty little
fag. You like the
be used…Adam’s words broke my thoughts.
“Jon?” He said softly. I
looked towards his face, “I love you.” He whispered. All my disillusioned thoughts fell apart like
a sandcastle when a wave crept up and swallowed it. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and
pulled him close in an iron grip.
“You have no idea how much that means right now.” I said almost on
the verge of tears. In my entire life, I
had never heard a single person say that to me after we had had sex. My neighbor always told me during, a lie of
course, but now, this meant something to me.
I hadn’t been just used for someone’s own curiosity or pleasure. I lifted my head off of the pillows just enough
to kiss Adam softly.
“Thank you.” I whispered.
Eventually Adam pulled out of me, when he was sure that he was no
longer overly sensitive to doing so. The
loss of contact was hard to deal with at first, but knowing he would be around
forever made it alright. I knew I would
be alright.
When I got home that night, at about
“Time to get up you lazy little ass.” She growled at me. I didn’t say anything at all back to her,
what was there to say?
“Fine.” I mumbled finally as she stared at me
expectantly. She remained in the
doorway, as if waiting for something, “Thank you for waking me up.” I
added. She sniffed and walked away. She was up to something.
I took a quick shower and went back to my room to get dressed when
I noticed something in the mirror hanging above my dresser. My neck and chest were bruised with bite
marks, my back, scratched. I smirked at
the memory, I didn’t know we had been playing so ruff. Quickly though, before the bruises lost their
magic, I pulled on a pair of boxers and some torn jeans and a bright purple t
shirt with Duran Duran written on it.
I ate a quick breakfast with Alyssa and then started off to
school. The day was unusually dreary for
When I got to the school I got my usual glares but nothing more- a
relief. I felt like I was a glass
paperweight and that everyone could see though me and see what exactly I had
done. But when I realized they couldn’t
I took a certain amount of glee in knowing that one of
their star football players was a fag just like me. It made me laugh inside. I wound my way through the mass of halls to
my locker to get the necessary books for class, ignoring people when they
intentionally smashed into my shoulder, or gave me a small shove. I was invincible because of the little secret
I harbored. I was at my locker unlocking
it when I felt someone behind me. I knew
better by now, than to turn around and face them for many reasons. It was better to just close my locker without
looking at them, turn, and proceed to a public area- like right in front of the
office or teachers staff room. I
started into my usual routine, when the person behind me turned me around abruptly. Before I could protest in any way their lips
were on mine and I realized it was Adam using what I recognized as a favorite
tactic of his- a sneak attack. He
wrapped his arms around my waist and then leaned his forehead against mine when
he pulled his lips away from me. I
looked around the hall nervously to see if anyone saw us. Luckily except for a group of niners it was- and they were just a group of girls caught
up in their own circle.
“I just wanted to say. I
had a really good time last night.”
Adam said quietly, placing emphasis on his words.
“So did I.” I confessed and looked down
at the floor. Just then the first bell
rang. Adam leaned in and gave me a small
peck on the cheek before pulling away.
“I’ll see you at lunch.” He said with a wink. I nodded and then turned and started down the
hall in the opposite direction as Adam towards my first class of the day. And boy what a long day it was going to be.
***
My stomach was in knots. I felt so confused right now. I sat numbly at the kitchen table as my
mother dished out the bacon and eggs she made almost every morning. I mumbled a thank you as she plopped two of
them on my plate, as well as a pile of bacon and some homefries. I didn’t feel like eating. Last night had left me feeling more mixed up
that ever before. This had all started
as a dare and had evolved into something so much more. Weather I liked it or not I had some sort of
feelings for this kid that I had formerly made fun of- and now, had just slept
with. This made me gay, or did it, was I
bi? Was Jonathan just an
“exception”? My mind went back to the
intense feelings I had felt the night before.
The realization hit me hard. I
was in love. Every time Jon wasn’t
around I was thinking of him, wanting to be with him, and every time he was
with me- the world just stopped. I
couldn’t give a damn what people thought of me when I was with him. Yet I was so afraid of my own image being
tarnished that I knew this had to end the way it started- a dare. It didn’t matter how I personally felt. For my own good it had to end the way it was
started….But at least I could enjoy things the way they were for next little
while.
As usual I was greeted by Derek and
his buddies- the guys that used to be my friends, with news that reminded me of
what this was truly about.
“Okay man, so she decided to go out
with you, Rachel, she thinks you’re decent looking.” Derek announced.
“What?” I asked cluelessly
momentarily before I remembered, “Oh, good.”
“She’s heard rumors you swing both
ways though and was a little freaked out,” Derek continued with his victorious
smirk, “But she said she’ll handle one date and see how it goes.” There was that knotting in my stomach again.
“It’s arranged for Saturday- so you
have until then for the grand breakup.” He finished. My stomach knotted again.
“Alright.”
I finally said, “Um, I have to go- I missed a lab in Bio and need to get there
early.” I lied to excuse myself from the situation. I didn’t wait for a reply as I hurried off to
find Jonathan. Pretty soon I was going
to be in for one hell of a ride. At
least I had a few days to prolong the pain as much as possible. But I didn’t necessarily know if that was a
good thing or not. Maybe I could get it
over with now…or maybe not. When I came
around the hall and saw Jonathan standing at his locker my heart and willpower
melted and I couldn’t do it. His
shoulders were hunched defensively, as if waiting for someone to attack him
behind. He moved quickly at his locker,
often looking from side to side for his predators and I couldn’t help feeling
so sorry for him. The voice in the back
of my mind started to yell at me again. You are a disgusting and despicable person
to be so mean to him. You are disgusting
for wanting to be with him and then hurt him…what is he? Your toy? A temporary game? Yes.
That’s exactly what he was. A temporary game. A toy. And he was
none the wiser. Knowing that myself made me sick- but I was too cowardly to do a thing
about it.
To be
continued…this is a lot longer than I thought it would be…