Now onto the part of
the story that everyone has been waiting for…slashy
goodness…J On a side note, you’ve noticed my changing point of views I
take it…well…I started this chapter with Jon, but only because he had a really
short paragraph in the last chapter.
Chapter: 4
I could tell Adam was having a hard
time keeping his eyes and even more so, his brain on the road. He ran two stop signs, luckily at empty
intersections. All I could think about
was being a decapitated corpse at the morgue instead of being an employee there,
so you can imagine my relief when we finally pulled into the Bowen’s driveway.
The house was completely dark and
foreboding looking, funny, that’s what my house’s atmosphere was. I followed Adam to the door which he unlocked
and opened to a dark hallway.
“My parents are asleep so we have to keep it down.” He said.
I did a mental double take.
“And just what exactly, are we doing?” I inquired with a raised
eyebrow.
“Watching a movie of course, what did you think we were doing?”
Adam replied slyly. I followed Adam’s
lead, took my shoes off and headed to the den with him where there was a
television and some comfortably worn looking furniture. I sat down at the opposite end of the couch
from Adam, finding no reason to sit close enough to sit on his lap.
“What movie do you want to watch?” Adam asked me as he flicked on
the television and images flashed by on it blindingly in the dark room.
“I dunno,
whatever you want to watch is fine.” I said dully. I watched as my date stood up, selected a
tape, and popped it into the VCR. When
he sat back down, it was purposely much closer to me, our legs touching. The movie trailers flickered by slowly and I
squirmed in my seat uncomfortably. I was
about ready to jump out of my seat at the slightest movement with my nerves
lately. About twenty minutes of the
movie passed by before Adam put his arms around my shoulder. I looked over at him, quite startled, and he
pulled me towards him, rapidly narrowing the space between us until our lips
touched. This time his tongue pushed
past my lips almost immediately and started battling mine. Faggot!!!!!!! My mind screamed at me. I didn’t care, in
fact, part of me ignored the fact that I was kissing a guy. This felt good, it
felt the same as kissing a girl…almost.
Adam moved his arms so that they wrapped around me, one hand resting on
the small of my back. The movie
continued to play as a kind of background music for our make out session, but I
don’t think either of us really noticed.
***
My breathing was coming in quick
pants, that is, when my lips weren’t pressed against Jonathan’s and my tongue
in his mouth. I was just faintly aware
that I was in fact, making out with another guy, but dismissed any doubts of my
sexuality as “it’s a dare” and my guilty conscience as “it feels good”- for
both of us.
I pulled Jonathan closer until he was straddling my lap, facing
me, my tongue forcefully playing with his, taking the lead that he seemed
reluctant to take. One of my hands
slipped under Jonathan’s shirt, like I normally would have done with a girl,
but this time there were no breasts for me to fondle. My fingers instead, encountered his prominent
ribcage. He flinched away and that’s
when I remembered his injury.
“Jonathan?” I whispered softly in his ear to make sure he was
okay. His eyes were watery from the
pain, and maybe the shame?
“I’m fine.” He insisted timidly.
I started to suck on his neck gently while one hand held him in my lap
and the other found his nipples, teasing the small buds until they were erect with
pleasure. My hand left Jonathan’s
nipples unattended for a moment so that I could strip off his t-shirt. What I saw when I removed his virtually
second skin, startled me. The bruise on
his pale skin was mottled a macabre purple yellow. There were faded scars littering his thin
torso. Jon’s entire body tensed and he
looked away from me, his long brown hair shielding his eyes. This time I didn’t speak, I just let my
fingers trace over the bruise and the longest of the scars. He looked at me for a moment, directly in the
eyes. For the second time that night I
couldn’t help but feel that there was something more to the highschool
queer that I had originally thought, but I couldn’t see it. My lips went straight to his ribcage, kissing
and sucking, surely leaving marks on him to match the one on his neck. A quiet moan escaped Jon’s lips when I took
one of his nipples into my mouth. My
hands, now with nothing to do, worked their way into the back of his pants
between the denim of his jeans and the cotton fabric of his boxers. Jon gasped when I use my hands to pull his
hips down into mine and suddenly I knew why.
It was the first time that I really became aware of exactly how aroused
I was- and Jon. Our erections brushed
clumsily against one another as we continued to heatedly make out. I was trying not to, but I let out a stifled
moan.
“Let’s go upstairs.” I said hoarsely, “please, let’s go to my
room.” What we were going to do up there
was beyond reasonable thinking for me right now, but I knew we had better be in
private to do it. I left the movie
running and grabbed Jon’s arm, pulling him out into the hall with me, giving
him just barely enough time to pick his shirt up off the floor. I was aching with want and need and shoved
Jon almost roughly against the wall, grinding into him. He groaned and his head fell back, hitting
the wall behind him with a dull thud.
But he really didn’t seem to care much.
Finally I just decided to pick Jon, who was a lot smaller than I up, and
carry him to my room. I shoved the door
closed with my foot before setting Jon down on the bed and climbing in on top
of him. I leaned back on my knee’s
taking off my own shirt and then attacked Jon’s lips and neck once again. His skin was heated and sweaty, much like
mine, though his was smooth and just about hairless. The only thing that reminded me I was making
out with a guy, not a girl or a child, was his hard on pushing into my leg,
which I decided to do something about.
Slowly, I let my hand drift in between us until I could grope the boy
under me gently through the front of his jeans.
A small cry fell from his lips and he closed his eyes. Slowly, slightly unsure of myself, I started
to undo the button on Jon’s jeans. His
eyes flashed open, yet revealed nothing to me.
My fingers slowly slid down the zipper, exposing black boxers, shielding
his erection from clear view. I could
hear his breathing speed up as I carefully slid my hand under the band of
them. I could feel the warmth as I
pushed my hand between his thighs and found his erection, gently gripping the
shaft. I leaned down again and started
to nip and kiss Jon’s neck while my hand moved slowly. Jon’s breathing hitched and he whimpered out
something. I was so far off it seemed to
come from a distance;
“Oww- stop. I can’t do this right now.”
I had no choice but to reluctantly pull my hand from between Jon’s
legs. When I looked and saw his face it
was pasty white and there was this look is his eyes…terror? No not quite…
“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, not sure if that was going to do with
the amount of damage I had just done. I
slowly rolled off of him so that he could sit up.
“No I’m sorry.” Jon said quietly, “It’s just, this is way too fast
for me.” I had a feeling that this
wasn’t the complete truth, but being the issue was a little sensitive, I didn’t
pry.
“It’s alright.” I
comforted, “I guess we were going a little fast.” Jon nodded and did up his jeans.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked.
“Yeah- I’ll be okay, it’s not your
fault.” The words toppled out of Jon’s
mouth awkwardly.
“Well, okay, again, I’m really sorry.” I apologized, ignoring my
painfully hard erection. I leaned over
and gave Jon a small peck on the lips.
“When you’re ready okay?
That doesn’t have to be tonight, that can be later.” I said. Jon was putting his shirt on when I said this
and paused, finally pulling the shirt fully over his head he turned and looked
at me.
“What are you say?” he squinted at me, like he was scrutinizing
both me and my words.
“I’m attempting to subtly ask you out.” I said flatly.
“Oh.” There was
silence. I waited a moment before I
spoke.
“Will you go out with me?” I said outwardly. If I could have paused that moment, I would have
been able to pin point it as one of the most vulnerable and embarrassing
moments in my life. Jon looked at his
hands. Uh oh.
“Let me think about it okay?” he said, “I’ll call you.”
“Okay.” I heard myself reply, though I felt empty, brain separated
from body.
“I’d better go home.” Jon said, standing up. He was shaking slightly.
“Oh, I’ll get my keys.” I volunteered, dreading the ride home.
“No, it’s okay. I ‘ll walk.” He said. This was really turning bad quickly. I got up and walk Jon downstairs and to the
door. The relief came when he turned to
me before leaving.
“I had a good time.” He said before leaning in and giving my lips,
which surely hung open in surprise, a short kiss. When I shut the door after Jon left I still
felt empty, now mixed with severe confusion.
I was realizing that I was curious about Jon as a person, genuinely, not
because I was being forced to act like it.
There was also the fact that making out with him had really turned me on, to the point when I
had thrown all consequences and inhibitions right out the window. I was supposed to be in control and I wasn’t
anymore.
***
The walk home was much needed for me
to attempt at sorting out my thoughts.
As I took my time, feet shuffling along the pavement and through a few
parks, various thought swirled through my head uncontrollably. Does
this mean I’m gay? I made out with
another guy and got hard off of
it. We almost ended up going all the
way- until I freaked out and ended it.
Maybe I’m not gay. Maybe it was
just too invading…like before…But in the back of your mind you wanted to…you really really
wanted to. Adam had just thrown me a
complete and total curve ball in all of this.
I had expected this to all be a sick joke, for his friends to show up at
one point during our “date”, or even for him to make a move and see if I
responded, then humiliate me. But none
of that had happened. Adam had actually
asked me out, and seemed vulnerable about it, not staged. This made me truly wonder is he knew what he
was getting into, what he was doing, how humiliated he would be at school
everyday.
Finally I arrived at the door to my
darkened house. It was just about
“Come in!” I heard her call softly. I opened the door to see Alyssa sitting on
her bed, papers and a binder surrounding her.
My hypothesis had been right.
“Hey,” She greeted, “How’d it- woah-”
“What?” I asked cluelessly.
“Make out much?” Alyssa asked nosily.
“What?!” I cried, caught off guard, “No!”
“Than what are those on your neck?” Alyssa asked, gesturing with her
pen. Oh
no. My breath hitched in my throat
and I leaned over to look in Alyssa’s mirror above her dresser.
“Oh shit!” I cursed out loud.
If I didn’t know better I would have to say my date Adam, was a
vampire. There were redish
purpleish “Love bites” in a ring around my neck. I pulled the collar of my shirt to the side,
revealing another hickie. Alyssa giggled from where she sat.
“Well that must have been a good date,
did you get ‘laid’?” Alyssa asked, using the term I had used earlier in the
day.
“No,” I said indignantly, “though he probably would have fucked me
if I hadn’t stopped him.”
“Ph my god!”
“’Lis stop, it’s not necessarily a good
thing. Remember how skeptical you were
of him in the first place?” I said. I
was still hung up on the possibility that this was just all one mean dare.
“I do- be he made out with you, and he’s a guy. Nobody who wasn’t at least bisexual would
make out with you if they were a guy, on just a dare. They would have to at least have some interest
in you.” Alyssa explained in an effort to make me feel better.
“He asked me out.” I chose to blurt at that point in time. Alyssa had opened her mouth to speak again,
but closed it. “He took a risk and asked
out the town fag.” I spat indifferently.
“Hmm, I wonder, could he possibly have an interest in my big
brother?” Alyssa joked sarcastically.
“’Lis I don’t know what to do.” I
whined, “I can’t help but think, at least in the back of my head, that this is
just a sick joke. But I want to go out with him. But I know I can’t.”
“There’s nothing stopping you from going out with him. If he’s an asshole, and there is a re, think
about it, no damage is done by going out with him.” Alyssa began to explain, “If
you go out with him, you confirm that you are at least bisexual, and therefore
confirm what everyone is making fun of you for.
The moron’s at school only make fun of you because they think it bothers
you. Going out with Adam would be like a
big ‘Fuck you I am a fag. What are you
going to do about it?’ then people really couldn’t make fun, and wouldn’t. It would be a waste of time because you would
be flaunting who you are and being proud about it. They honestly can’t treat you any worse just
because you date someone.”
“Wanna bet?” I grumbled
“Honestly Jon, you’ve never been afraid to take risks before, look
at how you dress, and your part time job is working in a morgue.” My little
sister tried to say as encouragement, “why are you so
afraid this time?” I took a deep breath
in an attempt to try and explain, but decided against doing so. I was too tired to even think. Plus, with the amount of things going on it
my brain at the moment, I didn’t want to think anymore.
“I can’t explain it.” I
just need to think.
“Okay well, think about it then.
Until then I have to study for this damn quiz, see you tomorrow.” Alyssa
said with a sigh.
“’night.” I said over my shoulder as I went to my
own room. I collapsed into my bed after
pulling down the blind so that there was complete darkness and complete
solitude for me to think about just what was going on in my head and in my
life.
Okay, well I was going to continue here but what I had I thought
was crap so I am doing a little rewriting..I
refuse to succumb to writers block again…the last time that happened it was
devastating to my creativity. Thanks to
anyone who is reading this and liking it, and a special thank you to anyone who
is reviewing it.
On another note, sorry the
slash scene may be a little rough as because of my writers block I haven’t
written one in awhile…anyway tell me what you think...