I’m getting better and better at updating…prolly because that’s more free time I now have because I am off on Christmas break, and have a few days off of work and a lot more than a few days off school.

 

 

 

 

Chapter: 2

            That night in the morgue wasn’t so busy, compared to what we normally had.  However I was preoccupied, which isn’t a good thing when you have a scalpel in hand and are taking apart a human being.  Adam Bowen had asked me out on a date.  Adam Bowen, one of the jocks that teased me and beat me up and did anything possible to make my life miserable.  Still part of my brain made me want to say “yes” to going out with Adam, not because I was gay, but more because of my own curiosity.  What if I did go out with him, than I could figure out what I really was.  So many people, constantly calling me a fag had started to make me wonder, actually several years ago, if I was a fag, I had just never really acted on it.  I kissed a guy when I was fourteen, but to me, that had felt no different than kissing a girl- well the few girls I had kissed.  Maybe if I did go out with Adam for even a little while, some of the bullying would stop.  I would be less of a target, people either wouldn’t make fun at all because I was Adam’s boyfriend, and Adam was popular, or at the very least, the focus would be split in two, therefore meaning less times running home to nurse my black eye or some other injury, less taunts of “faggot”, “pussy” or “cocksucker” in the halls at school.

            I came back to reality when my hand slipped with the scalpel still gripped in my thin fingers with lacquered nails.

            “Fuck…” I cursed under my breath as the scalpel careened to the floor and I had to bend to pick it up.  I let out an involuntary groan of pain as my ribs protested to my body’s movements.  The thought of having Adam as my “boyfriend” became more and more enticing as I thought about the protection he could provide.  Don’t be an idiot Jon.  One of the biggest jocks in school, one of your biggest tormentors, could not actually like you. I bet it’s a trick.  But it couldn’t be a trick.  Why would a jock risk his own image to ask me out and humiliate me further.  That was just going too far, even for one of those jocks.

            I finished at the morgue at about 2:00 am and went to catch the bus home.  My stepmother Lily refused to get up and pick me up after work, and I didn’t blame her, but my father, who was always up wasn’t allowed to come and get me according to Lily, because she didn’t want to be in the house “alone”.  Even getting the crap beaten out of me again one night by some random gang wasn’t enough to draw my father out from under Lily’s spell.  It was one of those nights that I hated.  After being in the cool exam room of the morgue for six hours the air outside was too muggy and warm for my liking.  I couldn’t wait to get home to my room where it always stayed reasonably cool.  Then I could really think about what Adam had said, measure every facial twitch, every tiny gesture from our conversation earlier to figure out what to do.

 

***

 

            I parked my car in the lot at the back parking lot of Highland High and turned off the ignition, taking a deep breath.  The guys were going to have a field day with this one, especially Derek.  I was really beginning to hate his arrogance.  I started to give myself a mental pep talk as I went over today’s agenda.  Come on, you have to ask that fag out, what’s he going to do, make fun of you?  You can nail that little make up wearing into the ground if he try’s it.  It’s all his fucking fault when the guys make fun of you today.  I stopped when I realized that I was blaming this all on Jonathan Davis, and for no good reason.  I had accepted the dare.  I had to deal with the consequences.  I took a deep breath and opened up my care door.

            I was surprised when I stepped out of the vehicle to see Jonathan standing right there, looking just as unusual as he normally did.  He wore ripped jeans that showed that he was wearing fishnet stockings underneath, and a bright purple silk blouse type of thing.  He stood glaring at me almost through his mop of almost shoulder length dark brown hair.  His eyes, lined in black burned through me in a way I thought brown eyes were never capable of.  I looked around partly because making eye contact was intimidating, and partly because I didn’t want anyone to see him talking to me.

            “Do you still want to go out on a date with me or have you had time to regret your invitation?” Jon said almost coldly.  It took me a moment to recuperate from the tone he was using.  I had never heard him talk like this to anyone.  He had always seemed so quiet and shy to me.

            “Yeah, of course I do,” I said calmly, then added for effect, “you’re working Saturday, so is Sunday night alright?” I asked.

            “Sure.” Jon said, “you know where I live, you and your buddies have beat me up practically on my doorstep before.”  Owch.

            “I said I’m sorry.” I murmured, “I promise, I’ll make it up to you.  Pick you up at 7:00?”

            “Sure.” Jon said, not acknowledging my apology at all.  Then he did something I did not at all expect.  He leaned in and kissed my cheek, then walked away.  I stood there for a moment.  Jonathan Davis had just kissed me, and if it hadn’t been this damn dare, I usually would have made some comment about being given AIDS.  Hell, if the guys had been here they would have had a field day with this one.  I stopped again at that thought.  Jon had just saved my ass from humiliation.  Now I could go brag to the guys about my “conquest”.

 

***

 

            At some point, floating in that space between my dreams and reality, I devised a plan to test out Adam Bowen and see how genuine he really was.  When I got up in the morning I made sure that it was very obvious that I was wearing eyeliner and make up.  I made sure to look as feminine as possible, coming just short of wearing a dress to school.  The plan was simple, yet effective.  I would be the one to ask Adam, I would be the one in the power position.  I wanted to see if he had the guts to actually say “yes”.  I sat on the back steps of the school, waiting for Adam to get to the school and park his car.  There wasn’t a whole lot of people around and so I wouldn’t have as many stares as usual, despite my heavier make up and so on.  I watched as the little red Toyota pulled into a space near the middle of the lot and stood up from my spot on the school steps.  Adam was just getting out of his car when I got into his plain of vision.  Time to put my theatre class at school that I took in tenth grade to work. 

            “So do you still want to go out on a date with me, or did you have time to regret your invitation.” I said in as icy a tone as I could manage.  For a moment Adam looked kind of startled, confusion apparent in his steel blue eyes, a furrow in his brow. Who would have thought that Mr. Confident would suddenly be so intimidated by the little school queer. 

            “Yeah- sure- of course I still want to go out with you.” Adam said, recovering from his shock.  Now it was my turn, “you’re working Saturday, Sunday night alright?.” He added.  Gosh, he had been paying attention.  Cool it Jon, you don’t know if it’s safe yet.

            “Sure,” I said, “you know where I live, being as, you and your buddies have practically beat me up on my doorstep before.”  I watched Adam flinch at my comment and something crossed his eyes.  Hurt?  Regret?

            “I said I’m sorry.” He mumbled, looking at the ground for a moment, before looking back up at me, “So I’ll pick you up at 7:00?”  I was surprised.  So he was actually going to go through with this?  No, he couldn’t.  Now a sudden realization crossed my mind.  I knew their little plot, or I had a good idea of it.  The idea was to ask me out and stand me up.  Personally I didn’t care.  I was going to make this as uncomfortable for Adam as possible, starting right now.

            “Sure.” I agreed, still, somewhat coldly.  Then I leaned in and purposely gave Adam a kiss on the cheek.  It wouldn’t do my reputation any harm- just his.  Then I walked away without looking back, absolutely positive that I had left a look of shock on Adam’s face.  My little “test” had started.

 

            When I walked into the cafeteria, Adam was sitting with his friends.  They were talking in amongst their own little group and made no more comments aimed in my direction than any other time.  Odd.  Very, very odd.  I found my spot in the corner and kept my eye on the table, but nothing ever happened.  They looked at me a few times, but that was all.  Most of the period was spent with me alternating between chipping my now purple nail polish off, doodling, or chipping the orange coating on the table off while keeping a watch on that table full of jocks.

 

***

            Relief had actually washed over me when Jon came up and asked me out.  I no longer had to face they guys and say he rejected me.  Jon had unknowingly saved my ass and helped himself burn his own.  He sure began to seem the glutton for punishment.  When I walked into the cafeteria I was sure to keep a big, victorious smile on my face to show off to the guys as a trophy.

            “No way- you didn’t actually..” Lewis trailed off.  Today Greg was actually at the table to, and I’m sure had been filled in by Derek.  I nodded victoriously.

            “You actually asked the fag out?” Derek scoffed.

            “Oh yeah.  It’s all arranged.” I said with a smirk.

            “No way!” Derek objected, “that was way too easy.”

            “Done and done.” I said, “Now all I have to do is go on the date and Rachel is mine.”

            “Not so fast Bowen.” Derek spat, “you’re right, that was a little too easy.  So I propose a change for the dare.”  Oh fuck…I got a little too cocky.

            “I think you should string the little cocksucker on a little longer…”

            “What are you saying?” I asked dully as possible, trying to stay calm.

            “You have to actually be his boyfriend for – what do you say guys- two weeks?” Derek said, looking at the rest of the guys at the table.  They all nodded.  I gulped.

            “And, you have to actually get him to do something for you.” Derek said with a grin, making the appropriate motion with his hand…and mouth.

            “Eww- man no way.” I objected immediately, though, and I hate to say it, my first thought was actually of curiosity.

            “Yeah man, that’s going a little too far.” Greg said in support, “I can understand making the little queer suck dick- but Adam is straight- that would totally gross him out.”

            “Yeah- there is no way I am doing that.” I said quickly, “even if it mean’s having Rachel’s lips on my dick, I will not let a fag do it first.  I’ll be contaminated.”

            “Fine.” Greg spat bitterly, “but you still have to go out with him for two weeks.”

            “Fine.” I responded just as Jonathan walked into the cafeteria.  Please don’t come over, please.  Jon looked at us for only a brief moment, then Brian made some comment and he looked away and headed to his table in the corner.  He sat there for most of the period, at one point in time looking up and actually catching me looking at him.  He only faintly smiled- like it was a mask- a little flutter across his facial features- and then it was gone.  Come to think of it- I had never actually seen the guy smile.  He always looked either like he was going to cry, he was angry, or he just didn’t care.

 

***

 

            I didn’t tell my family at all about my “date”.  Lily would use it against me for years if I did- and Dad- he would just be disappointed in me- as usual.  The only person I did tell was Alyssa.

            “Jon- be careful.” She said right away, “It probably is a prank that those assholes are playing on you.”

“That’s what I thought.” I said, “but things were a little different on Thursday, and have been, and now I’m confused.”

“Well if he does anything to you, anything at all, just call me and I’ll come get you.  I’m in for the um, day, and night.” Alyssa volunteered.

It was now actually Sunday morning, at about three am, Alyssa had been out partying with her friends and had picked me up after my shift at the morgue.  I smirked.

“Okay okay.” I said to Alyssa to calm her nerves, before I yawned.  “Well I had better go get my beauty sleep.” I said as I stood stretching.

“Okay, goodnight Jon.” Alyssa said.

“Night.” I called half in a whisper because I was halfway down the hall, and if I woke Lily up, she would have my head on a fucking stick.

I lay in bed that night wondering what was going to happen.  Alyssa had unintentionally made even more paranoid thoughts sneak into my subconscious.  What if this is all a sick joke?  What will Adam do to me?  What if all his friends are there waiting to beat the crap out of me, or worse, humiliate me, in public?  Then a question much worse fluttered across the back of my mind like the dark clouds that pass over the sun sometimes- What if he rapes you…just like him?  I shivered and pulled the blankets over me, curling against the pillow, wishing the thought away.  But my personality knew better.  I sat there and dwelled on it, played out every possible scenario in my head- so that this time- I would be prepared and I could get away.  Finally, my paranoid thoughts started to drive me crazy and I reluctantly got out of bed and grabbed my walkman with whatever tape was inside and pulled the headphones over my ears, the music of “Skinny Puppy”, pounding against my ear drums, making my brain feel numb- which was better than feeling paranoid.  Eventually- I think I feel asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

Hahahahaha…more updates.  I’m so proud of myself….now review darn it!

 

 

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