by Sir Richard Daggereye
(The six enter the great caverns before the synagogue of doom, each bearing their weapons and ready for danger. Sir Aisakos is in the lead, and Thomas hangs back a bit from the others.)
Aisakos: I sense great danger herein, for I am a mighty paladin of Athena, goddess of wisdom. But boldly shall I lead my companions forward, as the terrible creation of the Lich Rosenthal must be destroyed!
Lerellyn: Fear not, bold leader, for I shall stand by you every step of the way. With my mighty spells to slay even the greatest of enemies we can not fail!
Michiko: And should the battle take us into wood or dale, I shall prove an invaluable ally, for I am the mighty druid, enemy of those who would wreak havoc against fair mother nature. I too wield spells and abilities beyond the kin of mortal beings, and with these I shall destroy the terrible golem.
Kenichi: Well said, beloved, and forget not that I shall be at your side always. For though you may worry the balance, I only wish to ensure that this horrible scourge troubles not anyone any longer, and would see that this threat is eradicated.
Thomas: Though I may be a simple country man, hired only to watch the horses, I have proven my worth against many enemies and earned the right to accompany my companions into the caverns. Here I shall finally prove that I am a worthy opponent by slaying the golem.
M'Tonga: Verily, we say unto thee, a mightier sword thou shalt never see in all the lands. It is with great honour and pride that we stand besides our brethren in combat against the most foul and bedeviled golem of clay and most foul magics. Together we shall not fail, my mighty and worthy brethren!
(Thus introduced, the party moves forward and are threatened by a mighty adversary, a huge ape with foam dribbling from it's jaws.)
Aisakos: Behold, it is a terrible jungle ape! How shall we prevail against it!
Thomas: (panicky) Well, golly, it's the gosh-darndest biggest critter I ever did see!
M'Tonga: Prithee, by the might of my blade I shall slay the terrible beast.
Michiko: Perhaps I can speak with the foul beast and calm it's anger.
Kenichi: Beloved, no! It is obviously ravenous!
M'Tonga: If thou dost wish to calm the beast, madam, be warned that if thou dost fail I will be forced to slay it.
Lerellyn: (thoughtfully) Perhaps I can cast a spell...
Aisakos: We cannot brook this delay! The golem grows ever more powerful as the seconds pass. We must act now!
Michiko: I will not allow the creature harm while I draw breath.
Thomas: Why don'cha just hold it a moment?
(Aisakos, Lerellyn, M'Tonga, and Kenichi laugh. Michiko glares.)
Michiko: (icily) I should think you would not find that so funny, "beloved."
Kenichi: She is, uh, correct, good friends. We must spare the innocent beast if possible.
Ape: Grrrr!!!
Aisakos: What shall we do? How can we stop it without harming it?
M'Tonga: It grows ever more angry, we fear. My friends, we needs act with all haste!
Thomas: Why don't we just run and come back later?
Lerellyn: What if I turn it to stone, and we turn it back later, after we're done?
Michiko: Hmmm, let me consider.
Kenichi: At the risk of angering you further, I must insist you make your mind up quickly, which is always difficult for a woman to do.
M'Tonga: Enough of this debating! We shall slay the heathen beast! It is no less than he deserves.
Michiko: All right, we shall change him back later.
Lerellyn: (gesturing) With all the power of the ancients, I condemn your flesh to stone, foul beast!
(All shield their eyes as the magic strikes, and the beast slows, then stops as it is turned into a statue.)
Kenichi: That shall make a very nice fountain.
Michiko: (hitting him in the arm) No, we will release the poor creature as we leave. It deserves no less.
M'Tonga: We do so hope that thou dost not have any moral objections to slaying the golem, madam.
Michiko: I do not.
Thomas: Gosh, that thing shore was big. How big is that there golem we'll be facing?
Aisakos: (shrugging) I do not know. When last I slew a golem, it was not far over ten feet tall. But that was not a mega-golem, forged by a lich after 500 years of study.
Thomas: Perhaps I should wait with the horses...
M'Tonga: Nay, thou shalt not! You shall face the beast and earn your manhood.
Kenichi: What shall our plan be?
Michiko: Yes, how do you plan to slay the beast, wise Aisakos?
Lerellyn: I have some thoughts on this matter, if I may speak them.
Aisakos: You may.
Lerellyn: We should sneak together into the chamber where he lays and therein prepare a trap for him.
M'Tonga: We shouldst beware, methinks, for the rumor is that the golem has strange and awesome powers.
Kenichi: He can turn men to stone with a mere glance of his eye.
Michiko: Warped shapes he forms also, out of men and animals, from the power of his other eye.
Aisakos: His terrible strength do not forget, for he can fell the mightiest oak with but one swing of his great fist.
Thomas: Why don't we just get everybody to move? Then we don't need to worry about him.
Aisakos: The beast is possessed by a demon of the deepest pit of Hades. He must be destroyed e'er he raises an army and destroys all before him.
Thomas: (nodding) Oh. Okay.
Lerellyn: Are we agreed, then? We shall strike at him from surprise?
(All nod. They move forward, past the statue into the hall which holds many braziers and a great gold throne. There are none within the room, yet.)
Aisakos: Spread throughout the room, my companions, and when I do spring forth rain furious death upon the defiler of our world. When next we speak it shall be over the dead golem's form!
(They begin moving throughout the chamber.)
M'Tonga: We shall secret ourselves behind this tapestry, where a view of the room is easily seen. When the golem doth walk through yonder doors, we shall be well-positioned to strike at him from our location.
Thomas: That's a good hiding place. Is there room for two?
M'Tonga: Verily, we say that there is not! Go deposit yourself elsewhere!
Michiko: Here, behind this oversized chair, is where I shall stay. When the golem comes forth he shall be in full view for my spells to be rained down upon him.
Kenichi: Fear not, for I am near to thee, beloved, hidden away behind the mighty ottoman that the golem rests his earthen feet upon. From here I shall fire arrows upon it's hide and pierce it's gem-encrusted eyes.
Thomas: How about if I sit in the throne and tell you when I see him?
Kenichi: Fool! Find another place to lay. We seek the element of surprise.
Michiko: Yes, find another place to be, simpleton.
Lerellyn: Behind this brazier is where I shall stand. I am slight of form and will not be easily noticed here. When the battle begins I will stoke the flames in here to a hellish heat and burn our foes into ashes.
Thomas: I can stand behind this other thingamajig, too!
Lerellyn: Your girth and height do give you away, young fool! Seek another hiding place!
Aisakos: Behind this chest of gold and jewels shall I crouch, and when I spot the head of the golem I shall leap forth and rain death upon it, signaling the end of his terrible threat.
Thomas: Hey, I can sit back here too! Move over!
Aisakos: Nay, thou canst no. Go over and stand behind that armor, ready to leap forth on my signal. Make no sound or move, for that would ruin the trap.
(Thomas moves behind the armor, and all grow still and wait. After a few moments the golem lumbers in through the door nearest M'Tonga. All are still and silent, waiting for the signal from Aisakos.)
Thomas: (Moving from behind the armor as the golem draws next to the brazier) Gollee, would you look at the size of that thing? It's gotta be huge! (He staggers and knocks over the armor, which clatters to the ground and draws the golems attention)
Golem: Grrrr!!!
Thomas: Uh oh.
(The golem picks up the brazier, revealing Lerellyn, and hurls it at Thomas. It hits him and he falls beneath it)
Thomas: I am slain, and undone by my own foolishness. Alas! I have doomed the kingdoms.
(Thomas dies)
Lerellyn: I am revealed, but where has been the signal?
Golem: Grrr!!!
(The golem smashes Lerellyn in the head, knocking her to the ground. It raises a great foot above her and prepares to step on her.)
Lerellyn: And nary a spell did I throw! Avenge me, companions!
(Golem steps on Lerellyn and kills her)
M'Tonga: Forsooth, the battle doth go poorly. Where doth Aisakos be? We shall charge the beast alone, though it may mean our death.
(M'Tonga rushes the golem, which snatches him up and devours him.)
M'Tonga: (from within golem) Consumed in the belly of the beast. Surely we are doomed!
(M'Tonga dies)
Kenichi: My wife, the beast has slain half of our companions, and there be no sign of Aisakos. What shall we do?
Michiko: We shall die together, my love!
(Michiko and Kenichi rise up and fire arrows and spells at the Golem. It looks at them and they begin to writhe in pain.)
Golem: Grrr!!!!
Michiko: My body doth melt, beloved! I have loved thee with all my heart!
Kenichi: And thy with mine, beloved. I regret that we shall see each other never again, for I go unto the heaven of elves, and thou art condemned to pits of feeble human women.
Michiko: You are ever the jokester, even in the face of death, my love.
(They die)
Aisakos: (Jumping from behind the chest) What deviltry is this? I must have fallen asleep for moments, and now I find my companions slain before my eyes! I shall fight alone against the golem, even though without my comrades there may be no hope.
(Golem and Aisakos fight for a long moment.)
Golem: Grrr!!!!
(Golem picks up Aisakos and smashes him to the ground, all action freezes and Aisakos faces the crowd, prone from the floor.)
Aisakos: Though I may die, and doom the seven kingdoms to doom and destruction from the horrible golems, I swear by all the might of Athena that I shall rise again and fight this terrible beast. And when I do, I swear that I shall have more stalwart companions, who will stand with me and fight the beast instead of running and dying. This is my vow!
(Curtain closes)