Play Parts: There are six characters in this play (imagine that). There is a Lord who has recently returned from a hunt. Richard will assign this part to the Mummy. Next there is drunken tinker named Christopher Sly who he will insist that the skeletal warrior play. Third there is a page that will make Richard laugh a little as he gives it to the Wight. He will want the Revenant to play the part of the Lord's Servant. And the Ghost and the Death Knight will be given the part of Players.
Introduction:
Scene I-- Christopher Sly is sprawled out unconscious upon the floor of an Alehouse. In walks a Lord fresh from hunting and his servant. He does not yet notice that Sly is passed out drunk.
Lord: Servant, I charge thee, tender well my hounds. Sup them well and see that they drink their fill for tomorrow I intend to hunt again.
Servant: I will my lord. (turns to leave, but is interrupted from leaving the alehouse by his master's words)
Lord: What's here? One dead, or drunk? See, does he breathe?
Servant: (reaches down to check) He breathes, my lord. Were he not warmed with ale, this would be a bed but cold to sleep so soundly.
Lord: (animatedly) O monstrous beast! How like a swine he lies! I shall prank on this drunken man. What think you, if he were conveyed to bed, wrapped in sweet clothes, rings put upon his fingers, and brave attendants near him when he wakes. Would not the beggar then forget himself?
Servant: Aye, I think it would seem strange unto him when he waked.
Lord: Then take him up, and manage well the jest. Carry him gently to my fairest chamber. Dress him in my bed clothes, put various jewels of mine on his person, and burn sweet wood to make the lodging sweet. If he chance to speak, be ready straight, and with a low, submissive reverence, say, "What is it your honour will command?".
Servant: My lord, I warrant you, I'll play my part, as he shall think, by my true diligence, he is no less than what I say he is.
Lord: Take him gently and to bed with him.
Servant: (drags Sly off the stage)
A trumpet sounds and in walks some wandering troubadours.
Lord: Ah, fellows, you are a glorious sight.
Player 1: We thank your honour.
Lord: Please accept my gracious invitation for you to stay in my house tonight.
Player 2: You are gracious my lord. Would it please you to have us perform for you?
Lord: It would, but tonight will be a special night, for I am in the midst of a prank. I intend to fool a drunkard into believing he is a lord, and it is him who you will perform for.
Player 1: Fear not, my lord, we will contain your jest within ourselves and perform for the fool as we would for you.
The players exit, as the servant enters.
Servant: The task is done my lord. The man sleeps soundly within your sheets.
Lord: Well done. Now, sirrah, go you to Bartholamew my page, and see him dressed in all suits like a lady. That done, conduct him to the drunkard's chamber, and call him madam. Do him obeisance. Tell him from me, he bear himself with honourable action such as he hath observed in noble ladies unto their lords. Have him say, "What is it your hounour command, wherein your lady and your humble wife, may show her duty and make known her love?" And then with kind embracements, bid him to shed tears, as being overjoyed to see her noble lord restored to health, who for seven years hath esteemed him no better than a poor and loathsome beggar. And if the boy have not a woman's gift, to rain a shower of commanded tears, an onion will do well for such a shift.
Exit servant and Lord
Scene II-- A bedchamber in the lord's house. Sly is discovered in a rich nightgown with an attendant. Enter Lord dressed like a servant.
Sly: (as if he has a headache) For God's sake, a pot of small ale.
Servant: Will it please your lordship drink a cup of sack or a taste of these tasty conserves? (offers a plate of sweet meats) While'st I am thinking upon it, what raiment will you honour wear today?
Sly: I am Christopher Sly. Call not me honour nor lordship, and I never drank sack in my life. Don't ask me what raiment I'll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet. Nay, sometime more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the leather.
Lord: Heaven cease this idle humour in you honour! O, that a mighty man of such descent, of such possessions, and so high esteem, should be infused with so foul a spirit!
Sly: What! Would you make me mad? Am I not Christopher Sly? By birth a pedler, by education a cardmaker, by transmutation a horse trader, and now by present profession a tinker?
Servant: O, this it is that makes you lady mourn and your servants droop!
Lord: Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord. Thou hast a lady far more beautiful than any woman in this waning age.
Servant: And, till the tears that she hath shed for thee, she was the fairest creature in the world; and yet she is inferior to none.
Sly: Am I a lord? Have I such a lady? Or do I dream? Have I dreamed till now? I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak. I smell sweet savours, and I feel soft things. Upon my life! I am a lord indeed and not a tinker nor Christopher Sly. Well, bring our lady hither to our sight; and once again, a pot of the smallest ale.
Servant: O, how I joy to see your wit restored! O, that once more you know but what you are! These fifteen years you have been in a dream, or when you waked, so waked as if you slept.
Enter page dressed as a lady
Page: (fawns over her "husband") How fares my noble lord?
Sly: Merry, I fare well. For here is cheer enough. Where is my wife?
Page: (looks confused) Here my noble lord. What is thy will with me?
Sly: Are you my wife, and will not call me husband?
Page: My husband and my lord, my lord and my husband. I am your wife in all obediance.
Sly: I know it well. What must I call her?
Lord: Madam.
Sly: Alice Madam or Joan Madam or...
Lord: Madam and nothing else, so lords call ladies.
Sly: Madam wife, they say that I have dreamed and slept above some fifteen year or more.
Page: Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me, being all this time abandoned from your bed.
Sly: (with a lecherous grin) 'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone. Madam, undress yourself, and come now to bed.
Page: (now nervous) Thrice noble lord, let me entreat of you to pardon me yet for a night or two for the physicians have expressly charged in peril to incur your former malady, that I should yet absent me from your bed.
Sly: Ay, it stands so, that I may hardly tarry so long. But I would be loath to fall into my dreams again. I will therefore tarry, in despite of the flesh.
Lord: (clears throat) Your honour's players, hearing your amendment, have come to play some entertainment for you.
Sly: Merry, let them play. Is it music?
Lord: Nay, it is an act of juggling. I understand that they are the best in the land.
Enter Players
Player 1: Oh, my lord, it is such a wondrous event. Your recovery news has traveled quickly.
Player 2: Yes, my lord, we have devised an act of juggling for your amusement in hopes that merriment will keep you healthy and make it less likely for you to relapse.
Sly: I thank you my players. Now, I shall wish to see some entertainment.
The players begin a two person juggling act which continues for a few moments before the curtain is closed and the crowd applauses
THE END