Divided Love Part 3 Dinner at Kinomotos' went over nicely - at least outwardly. A cheerful Sakura opened the door for Yuki and she took possession of him for the first quarter of an hour, shyly and excitedly presenting him with a spring roll she'd just made. Yuki was really relieved that the little girl's feelings hadn't been seriously hurt by what he had told her in the planetarium. And that she wasn't angry with him about it, but still welcomed him as her brother's friend. Touya kept back a little, letting Yuki fuss over Sakura, while he helped his father in the kitchen. But out of the corner of his eyes he observed Yuki, until Fujitaka-san calmly saved a rice ball which otherwise would have been fried black due to Touya's lack of attention Avoiding his fathers silent, questing gaze Touya concentrated again on the cooking. Thus dinner was soon served. The food tasted delicious and there was plenty of it in consideration to Yuki's healthy appetite. Yuki felt welcomed and as a part of the family, though he found himself paying more attention than usual to Sakura, doing his best to make her smile and laugh. It put him at ease and distracted him from the unsolved situation between him and Touya. During the evening there built up some tension between the two boys, even though they both did their best to act as always. But they both noticed with some surprise that they were strangely aware of every accidental touch between them. Their usual familiarity was lost. It seemed like every touch had turned into a question. Would they still be able to be lovers? Moreover Yuki noticed that Touya sometimes looked sharply at him and he realized that he was seeking for signs of Yue, that he waited for a possibility to get to talk with his other self. This growing tension made Yuki's heart constrict with fear again, what was fuelled even more by Touya's searching gazes. He seemed to have invited Yuki only because he hoped to get a chance to talk to Yue. Of course he needed to talk to Yue to sort this out, but Yuki felt left out, unable to control anything of what would be happening. As Yuki put a hand on Touya's arm to get his attention - and a refill for his bowl, Touya jumped involuntarily. It felt like Yuki's slender fingers were burning right trough his shirt to singe the skin beneath. And then again he was unnervingly aware of it as their hands touched as Touya handed back the full bowl, making him hesitate and stare at Yuki. //That's stupid! We've spent so much time together just as friends ...// Slightly confused he realized just now how natural it had grown for them to think of themselves as lovers. Touya couldn't really tell when exactly this had happened, when they'd slipped from friendship to love. They'd never talked about it for Yuki knew it embarrassed him, just sometimes he couldn't help to tease Touya by calling him a kind person. Perhaps it had been more than friendship from the beginning, but Touya had thought that was because he knew Yuki wasn't human. "Ano ... Touya-kun. Don't you want to give Yukito-san his noodles?" Fujitaka-san interrupted his son's thoughts gently. Touya blinked and realized that they both still kept holding onto the bowl and that Yuki gazed uncertainly at him. Embarrassed Touya let go of the bowl, but he still felt the warm, lingering touch of Yuki's fingertips against his own. Absently he rubbed his fingers, while he just stared down at his own plate. Sakura laughed nervously at the tense silence, not really understanding what was going on. "A-ano ... ano, will you too take part at the sport competition next week, Yukito-san? I'm going to participate at apparatus gymnastics for my class." She said, blushing slightly with joy. Yuki swallowed, grateful for the distraction and smiled at Sakura. "That's great, Sakura-chan. I'm sure you'll do fine. I won't take part in it cause I wasn't feeling so well lately. But I'll come to cheer you and take pictures." He promised. --------------- After dinner Sakura had to leave for bed, while the two boys did the washing up. Fujitaka-san stayed with them for some time, but then disappeared into his study, wishing Yuki and Touya a good night. Silence filled the kitchen being only interrupted by the soft clatter of plates as Touya put them away. Yuki wiped his hands at a piece of cloth, observing Touya from beneath his bangs. The stretching silence made him grow rather nervous and tense. "Ano ... Sakura-chan surely will be great at the coming sport competition. And she's so looking forward to it ..." he finally chattered in a light tone, unable to bear the silence any longer. Touya just answered with an unappreciative sound. Then he turned around, leaning back against the sink and watched Yuki closely. "You still want to stay over night, do you?" he asked bluntly. Yuki blinked uncertainly. "I ... I yes! Unless you don't want me to stay." "I've invited you to stay, so why shouldn't I want you to stay?" Touya's sharp gaze held Yuki's as he tried to read in the other boy's eyes. Half-heartedly Yuki shrugged. "I just thought that we were a little awkward around each other ... not like usual." He suggested softly. After a moment of uncomfortable silence Touya suddenly pushed away from the sink and wrapped his arms around Yuki in a simple, companionable embrace. "I know. I'm sorry this makes you feel so insecure." At first Yuki tensed a little, but then eased into the warm circle of Touya's arms, leaning his head against the taller boy's shoulder. Touya had sensed the short tensing and it made him feel angry. He didn't want Yuki to tense like that when he touched him. His arm's tightened possessively around the other boy and he put a rough kiss onto his forehead. "Come Yuki. Let's get up to my room." With a spark of exited hope in his eyes Yuki looked up at Touya, but then cursed himself. //What's wrong with me? Suddenly it seems all I can think off and all I want to do is to make love with Touya. I enjoy just being around him, to talk to him ... But I long for sleeping with him so much. I need him ...// Touya noticed the hopeful, hungry expression on Yuki's face, but then it slipped away again and Yuki just nodded, lowering his gaze. //Damn it Yuki. You make it so hard to suppress my hunger for you. But I just can't. It would be like raping Yue. Kind of.// Wanting to explain this to Yuki Touya opened his mouth, but then shut it again. Yuki had already said he understood. He just didn't know how to feel about it. But Touya didn't find any words to help Yuki sort out his feelings, so he just let go of the smaller boy and led him upstairs into his room. There both of them settled down and for some time they gazed silently at each other, thinking about what to say or do. Nervously Yuki bit his lower lip and then smiled lopsided. "We could do our homework." He suggested, though not very enthusiastic. //But at least that would be something familiar and distracting.// Touya just watched the other boy sharply, waiting for some moments and then suppressed a sigh. It didn't seem like Yue intended to turn up for a talk and he didn't know how he could make him appear. Anyway, what should he tell him? It seemed like Yuki and he had no choice but to wait and endure. Thus they really ended up doing their homework, bending over their books together like so many times before. But still the tension hang in the room making Touya's shoulders ache. Finally they decided to go to bed and Yuki started to strip and change into his pyjamas avoiding Touya's gaze. Suddenly Touya got up. "I'll just take a shower." He told Yuki shortly and grabbed his pyjama from the bed. As he left he felt Yuki's longing gaze rest heavily on his back. --------------- Touya got back from the shower, feeling more relaxed again, his hair still wet, soaking the collar and shoulders of his grey-blue pyjama shirt. The light was turned off and he supposed Yuki had already curled up beneath the blanket. //Don't be crying Yuki ... onegai ... We'll find a solution.// By memory he made his way to the bed as he suddenly felt a light, tentative touch at his shoulders. At first Touya's heart jumped startled, but then he half closed his eyes as the hands trailed down over his back. A shudder ran through the tall boy's body. "Yuki." He whispered roughly. Even though the slender fingers at his back were cool they felt like they'd burn through the fabric of his shirt to leave red marks on his naked skin. He longed for Yuki. So much. His hunger for the other boy had just grown and intensified since it hadn't been possible any longer to be with him like that. The wet hair at the back of his neck was brushed away lightly and he felt warm breath spill against the soft skin there. The delightful shock running through his body made him gasp. //Damn, I feel so sensitive ... but we can't. Just ... just perhaps one kiss ... Just one kiss shouldn't be a problem for Yue ...// Touya didn't realize that he was already turning around, searching out lips in the darkness, his arms coming up around the other boy. His hungrily seeking mouth met a pair of soft, slowly parting lips. He suckled at the tender skin, then lapped over the warm, velvety lips, before he slipped his tongue between them into the hot, moist cave behind. A soft, muffled gasp answered his action and he encountered a tongue that shyly and somehow clumsily answered his hungry, seeking kiss. Touya's hands caressed down his lover's back, his fingers getting entangled with the long strands of hair. Dazed he combed through the silken, smooth softness, down and down ... Suddenly Touya frowned, slowing his kiss, while he puzzled at the feeling at his hands. //Long ... The hair's so long ... Yuki?// Touya blinked, then his eye's widened in disbelieve. //Yue?!// The warm lips stubbed against Touya's, who had completely stopped the kiss and just stared at the indistinct image of the long silvery hair that framed the pale glowing face so close to his own. Tentatively the lips closed around his lower lip and it got suckled hesitantly, like testing something very weird. A jolt of tingly sensations shot through Touya's body, waking him out of his stunned state. His hands flexed in Yue's long hair. "A-ano ... Yue?" The suckling stopped and Touya watched how the narrow amber-eyes slowly opened to stare at him. Confused Touya licked his lips, puzzling at the taste Yue's kiss had left. It reminded him of Yuki's kisses ... only that Yuki's quite often were flavoured by some kind of delicious food. "Familiar somehow, but not quite like Yuki ..."he murmured and then blushed slightly as he noticed that he'd voiced his thoughts out loud. With a feeling of uncertainty he became aware of his arms that still were wrapped around Yue, fingers playing absently with the strands of moonlight hair. Touya tried not to let his confusion get the better of him and hoped that his blush didn't show in the dark. "So - what's that supposed to mean?" he asked calmly, all in control of the situation. Yue gazed silently at him, feeling the tall boy's heart race against his chest, quite in contrast to his controlled composure. To Yue's surprise this made a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. The smile confused him, but as he gave in to it, it strangely made him relax ... even with the weird thing he'd just done in mind. Puzzled and enthralled Touya watched the slight change on Yue's face. Despite the smile Yue still possessed his cold, moonlight beauty, which caused such a fluttery sensation in Touya's belly. He swallowed, considering what to do. In a situation like this it turned out to be a little awkward if both guy's tended to the taciturn side. "Ano ..."Touya finally continued as Yue remained silent "Does that mean you've changed your mind, or has Yuki managed to take over control?" Yue hesitated. "I just wanted to see what Yuki finds so good about this. And ..." the beautiful creature frowned slightly confused. "And I thought that Yuki's heart maybe could choose without prejudice because it is free of the past ..." Suddenly Touya thought he understood some of Yue's distanced manner. And, too, the sad look, which had haunted him since last night, when all this trouble had started. "You're in love with someone else? Someone you've known a long time ago?" After a short reluctant pause Yue nodded, though he still looked somewhat puzzled, like he tried to remember something. "I ... I've started to think that what you and Yuki feel for each other is different from that. Somehow. Therefore ... therefore ..." Yue shifted uncomfortably, becoming very aware of the warm circle of Touya's arms around him. "Ano ..." Touya searched the moonlight beauty's face. "So, what do you think? About the kiss, I mean." he inquired. Yue didn't answer, but suddenly stepped back, freeing himself from Touya's embrace and distancing himself. There was a defiant, stubborn look on his face. "I don't see why I shouldn't have liked this with Clow." He said softly, while he observed Touya with cold reservation. The tall boy's dark, wet hair was slightly spiky and ruffled. It fell into his face, shadowing it, so the black, slanting eyes sparkled out of the dark, catching some errand glimmer of moonlight from the window. His gaze could still hold that piercing sharpness, like it had done when his magic senses had been at work. //But he gave up his magic for Yuki. No, for us both, though there hadn't really been a possibility to get one without the other. And without his magic he'll die after a normal human's lifespan.// Suddenly Yue's eyes widened in shock and he stared at Touya with fear and pain mingling in his intense gaze. "No!" Yue gasped out, almost chocking on the word. Confused Touya watched Yue's strange behaviour then suddenly he stepped forward and gripped his chin roughly, to observe the amber eyes closely. Yue's hands came up to Touya's shoulders, disorientedly clenching into the soaked cloth of the other boy's pyjama shirt. "Turn back to Yuki!" Touya ordered in a harsh voice. Yue blinked, then without another word the wings sprouted from his back and wrapped around the slender, slightly trembling youth as Touya let go of him. The feathery shell opened up again to have Yuki stumble out blindly, dissolving into confused sobs. Swiftly Touya caught the smaller boy in his arms, steadying him. "Yuki? Yuki!" he implored roughly, trying to get his lover's attention. Yuki blinked, completely disoriented and startled by his own tears. "T-Touya?" Suddenly he buried his face at the other boy's shoulder, wrapping his arms tightly around him, as if he feared Touya could just disappear. Touya held Yuki close, cradling his head with one hand, his fingers entangled in the fine hair, while he rested his cheek against the soft, fluffy locks. They remained like that for some long moments till Yuki's frantically beating heart had calmed down again ... and some moments longer still. Finally Yuki stirred, gazing up at his dark-haired lover. Touya brushed his hand over Yuki's slightly damp cheeks and then coaxed him to sit down on the bed with him. "What happened, Yuki?" he asked softly. Yuki hesitated to answer him, looking worried and embarrassed. "I must have fallen asleep while you took your shower and I ... I dreamed that you were dead. I didn't really see it. It was such a weird dream. I only felt that you were going to die and leave me, that you weren't there anymore ..." Yuki swallowed, looking rather paler than usual. "And that it was my fault. It was my fault that you were dying ..." he whispered as if only just then remembering this aspect of his dream. Aghast Touya stared at his shaken lover. He had seen Yuki's panic in Yue's eyes. Was Yuki having dreams while he was in Yue's form or was he picking up Yue's thoughts? But what was that about him being dead? And it being Yuki's fault? Hell, what was Yue thinking ... if it were his thoughts. Touya turned his attention back to Yuki, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "It'll never be your fault that I'm dying." Touya said gruffly. "You hear that Yuki?" He waited for the other boy to acknowledge his words, which Yuki finally did with a nod and an embarrassed, still shaky smile. What now? There were quite a few things spinning around in Touya's head of which he supposed he should tell Yuki about. //Yue and I have kissed ... Yuki seems able to pick up Yue's thoughts ... and Yue once was in love with someone who didn't feel the same about him ...// "Ano ... Yuki ...When you were dreaming just now you were in Yue's form." Touya finally said calmly and without much preamble. It took Yuki a moment to make sense of the words and another to realize the implications. "You ... you mean you were talking about your death? Or Yue thought about it and I was somehow aware of it?" A spark of confused hope lit up in Yuki's wide, green eyes. "We didn't talk about anyone dying, but I can't say what he thought." Touya hesitated. //Perhaps Yue had remembered how this person he'd loved, Clow, had been dying? And Yuki transformed Clow into me somehow?// Yuki's hand clenched around Touya's. "He can't want you dead, can he? You saved us." For a moment Touya remembered Yue fighting with Sakura all cold and relentless. But that had been to test her. //No, he wouldn't just want me dead. Not after he'd kissed me like that.// "No, I don't think so. He'd just been kissing me ..." Touya spoke his thoughts out loud. Yuki stared at the taller boy, then swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. "Ah, yes." He should be happy about this, for it meant Touya and he could be lovers again, if Yue felt drawn to his lover in this way, too ... //They've been kissing and I haven't been aware of it at all. I've just felt that I'm loosing Touya ...// Yuki forced himself to stay calm and even managed a small, confused smile. "That sounds as If the situation is improving ..." A sharp, searching gaze from Touya met his smile and words. //Is Yuki angry about this? But if we want to stay together as lovers he'll have to share me with Yue ... or isn't that the only way? Am I betraying Yuki? But Yue is part of Yuki! Even his kiss felt familiar ...// Touya tried to see behind Yuki's unsteady smile, which had been put up like a protective shield. He didn't know how Yuki really felt about this. And Yuki didn't seem to want to tell him. Perhaps Yuki himself wasn't sure how he felt about it. He had said so in the schoolyard, that he didn't know how to feel about Yue, but then it was because Yue didn't want to be his lover too ... Touya blinked and rubbed over his eyes, his head spinning with unspoken, half-thought assumptions making him feel all dizzy. //Damn, no! He couldn't fall asleep now! That was ridiculous.// But he felt so tired. //Yue ...//, a thought tumbled through his sleep clouded mind, //Yue should be aware of how Yuki feels, ne?// Yue ...he had to ask ... "Yue ..." -------------- Continue with Part 3 here! 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