Part 1
Touya opened his eyes, slowly shaking of the tendrils of sleep that bound his mind to the feathery softness of his dreams. Silvery, milky light filled his view, blurring all outlines, making it hard to see his surroundings clearly. Tired, he'd been very tired and still he felt like he could so easily drift back into sleep's warm embrace, which lingered temptingly around him. But, no, he didn't want to. There was someone he wanted to talk to.
Determined he blinked the lulling veil of sleepiness from his eyes and turned his head, looking for something to orientate himself about. A face swam into view. A pair of pale, sharp eyes became the focus of his attention and anchored him in the waking world. Yue stood beside the bed, being bathed in the light of the full moon, which poured in through the window. He looked cool and distanced. //But he had been guarding my sleep.//
Silently Touya answered the moon-born creature's gaze, taking his time to really study his face for the first time. So this was Yuki's other form. But no, Yuki was Yue's other form. He caught himself searching for signs of Yuki's features in the pale beauty in front of him. At first sight they didn't look much alike, except for the pale hair and skin, but to his surprise he didn't find it very hard to think of Yuki and Yue as the same person. Perhaps because he'd always known that Yuki was not human, had always been able to sense Yue. So he'd already seen parts of him in Yuki and lately he had noticed his presence coming from Sakura's room a few times. Once he even had glimpsed a lock of pale, moonlight-hair, as Yue and that yellow stuffed toy had flattened themselves against the wall on his sister's bed.
But he wanted to find out more about Yue. Touya realized that their gazes had gotten locked almost like in a staring contest, both of them searching the other one's eyes. Briefly he wondered what Yue was looking for...and what he was finding. The cold beauty's face didn't give away any thoughts or emotions, but Touya thought he detected some scepticism and even uncertainty. //Seems he is not quite convinced by his other form's choice.// Touya mused. He propped himself up on one arm. "Yue..." he said softly, trying out the sound of it.
Yue remained silent, arm's crossed in front of his chest, waiting for Touya to go on. The dark-haired boy looked around the room he was in, finding it to be at Yuki's place, though he didn't quite remember how he'd gotten there. "You flew me here?" he asked.
"Yes. Yuki didn't want to leave you sleeping in the school's garden. Nor did he want to wake you." Yue hesitated then added. "He phoned your father, to tell him that you will stay here over night."
That spared Touya the trouble to worry about his father getting concerned. And it meant he got the time to sort out this new situation and to get to know more about Yue. In the past few days since he'd given up his magic to stop Yuki and Yue from vanishing there had been no real opportunity to talk about it. He wasn't a person of many words, especially when it came to feelings, but there were some things he wanted to know. "So you remember all that Yuki does and thinks? You're aware of it when he does it?" Touya asked.
Yue gave him a queer look. "Yes, I am." He said somewhat pointedly, deliberately not gazing at the bed on which the tall, dark boy was lying.
//Ah, yes, he does know it all.// Touya suddenly had to fight a wicked grin. //Now, let's see, if he can be teased. Otherwise it's Yuki, who always gets the better on me, perhaps in this form I can reverse the game.//
"I hope you don't have such an appetite as Yuki." He remarked dryly "Or I'll have to work myself to death to sate two such hungry boyfriends." Touya got the satisfaction to see Yue's eyes widen slightly, before his gaze turned piercingly cold. "I don't need to eat." He told Touya.
Touya grinned. "That's cause Yuki eats for you, ne?" A nasty sparkle came to the boy's dark eyes as he sat up and propped his chin on his hand, bracing his elbow on one drawn up knee. "Perhaps this explains his appetite in other things as well." He mused softly, observing Yue from the corner of his eye. //Could this cold, beautiful creature blush?//
Yue opened his mouth then snapped it shut again, struggling to cope with Touya's unexpected, direct approach. And with his lack of respect. "I am very grateful that you gave up your magic for saving Yuki and me from disappearing." Yue finally told the tall, dark-eyed youth, who watched him with his gaze gone intense. It was still that same gaze, the gaze when he had sensed something odd and suspicious with his magic, a sharp and powerful gaze. Yue got his mind back to what he had decided to point out clearly. "But my heart is not the same as Yuki's. So I'd prefer you wouldn't refer to me as your lover."
Touya observed the pale, elegant creature, which looked very haughty just then. "That could turn out to be quite difficult." He told Yue. "For you and Yuki belong together. And as you said, you are aware of everything that happens to Yuki. That means you're there as well when Yuki and I make love."
Yue looked slightly affronted. Yuki and Touya had done ... things, which he'd never dared to think of doing with Clow! "I can ignore it." He told Touya calmly, but the boy thought there was a slight blush on Yue's cheeks. Touya kept his own expression all controlled though inwardly he had to grin. In this area Yuki clearly was the more experienced of the two ... and the more sensual and seductive. His sweet, charming Yuki, who was such a flirt and tease. That friendly and innocent boy breathed seduction even around his little sister and the Hong-Kong-brat. And how Yuki enjoyed to be seductive, but at the same time he really was a friendly and innocent boy. He wouldn't want to harm or hurt anyone.
Touya felt how thinking of Yuki this way made him grow hot and bothered. It had been quite some time since they'd last been together in an intimate situation ... with Yuki being so sleepy and all. He observed untouchable Yue. "Well, then you ought to start ignoring, for I want my lover now."
Yue glared coldly at Touya, noting the boy's slightly flushed cheeks and that curious sparkle in his dark eyes, which was gentle and hungry at the same time. Yue knew that expression quite well from his other form. And he knew that Yuki couldn't resist that hidden, gentle hunger of his silent, grim lover. //Oh, damn. There was no doubt the two would end up doing ... stuff again.// Yue considered his options, though there weren't any really. How could he deny Touya to see Yuki? That boy had given up all his strong magic for them without hesitation, making it the only condition that they'd protect Sakura in his stead. //All this wouldn't have happened if Clow-sama hadn't left us.// Yue thought woefully.
Expectantly Touya observed Yue's cool, composed expression, waiting if he'd change. He sensed the moon-bathed creature's reluctance, but suddenly it spread its wings and folded them around its slender body like a protective shell. Just before Yue's face disappeared behind the glowing white feathers, Touya thought the sharp, cold eyes had been softened by sadness.
As the wings unfolded again and vanished Yuki's wide, gentle eyes blinked at him from behind his glasses with that confused, helpless look of his. Even though Touya needn't be worried anymore about Yuki's fits of disorientation and his loss of the track of time, that look still kindled Touya's protective urges. He got up and took Yuki's arm, directing him to his bed and making him sit down with him.
Yuki's face lit up with a smile as he saw Touya. "Touya, you're awake again." He said relieved. The taller boy nodded, then suddenly took Yuki's pointy chin in a gentle grip and observed his lover's face closely. Confused by the intense inspection Yuki gazed up at Touya. "Is something wrong?" he asked worried, but then relaxed as a small smile came to Touya's mouth. He noticed Touya's slightly flushed cheeks and the look in his eyes with a lift of his heart. "You feel better now?"
"I have been just a little tired. You don't need to worry." Touya reassured Yuki. "And I don't feel tired now." Slowly Touya bent down and brushed his lips against Yuki's soft, warm mouth.
With a husky, trembling sigh Yuki exhaled, his lips parting in answer to the gentle kiss. "Touya..." Yuki's slender, pale hands slid up over Touya's chest to his shoulders, causing the soft whispering sound of cloth against skin as he slightly ruffled the other boy's shirt. Enthralled he drank in the feel of Touya's chest rising and falling, with his quickening breath. He slipped his tongue between the taller boy's lips, caressing them and tasting their sweetness.
The soft touch of Yuki's tongue sent an electrifying sensation down Touya's spine. He slid one of his arms around the other boy's waist to pull the warm, slender body closer, which moulded itself smoothly against his own. Touya's other hand buried itself in Yuki's soft, fair hair. Slowly he ran his fingers through it to feel the fluffy strands slip through between them. After some moments he drew back a little to observe Yuki's face again, the half closed eyes, behind the glasses that had slid down his nose a bit and the lips parted in a hazy smile. //So sweet and seductive.//
"Touya." Yuki's voice was hushed and slightly husky. "I thought you'd perhaps wouldn't want to be with me like that anymore." He confessed softly.
Touya stared down at Yuki, taking some moments to work through what he'd just said. "What?"
The smaller boy smiled embarrassed, but his worries showed through the smile. "Well, I just thought with me being two persons. This must be rather strange for you. I mean I can't really remember when I'm not myself, but in that other form, so it's rather the same for me, but for you it must be different now. And you've given up your magic ..."
Yuki was cut short by Touya's hands that gripped his shoulders. "Yuki!" Uncertainly Yuki watched Touya's grave expression. "I told you, I knew from the beginning that you aren't human and that there is some other ... part of you. That doesn't change anything. And I don't regret giving up my magic for you." Touya told him simply and calmly.
For a few heartbeats Yuki gazed silently at Touya, into his dark eyes, which left no doubt that he meant what he had said. Yuki suddenly smiled. "You're a very kind person, Touya." He told him teasingly, knowing it would embarrass the other boy, but Yuki, too, meant what he had said. As expected Touya looked slightly uncomfortable and suddenly bent down, shutting Yuki up with another kiss. Closing his eyes Yuki delighted in it, letting Touya's gentle warmth flood his body.
"It's been quite some time ..." Touya whispered roughly, echoing Yuki's thoughts. "I hope none of us will fall asleep on the other now." His hands caressed down over Yuki's back, tracing the curve of his spine through his shirt. "And that no annoying person will interfere." He added in an afterthought.
Yuki chuckled huskily and spread soft kisses along Touya's jaw and down his neck. "Noone should come to interfere us here." He soothed Touya's worries.
Touya murmured a soft agreement into Yuki's hair. "It's good you phoned that I'd stay at your place tonight."
"Ah yes, I forgot to tell you ..." Yuki started to explain, but then faltered and smiled embarrassed. "But Yue told you already, ne?" With a slight nod Touya reached out and carefully picked Yuki's glasses from his nose, putting them safely away. While Yuki blinked and rubbed his eyes to adjust them, Touya caught himself watching the other boy's hands for signs of vanishing. //But that wouldn't happen anymore//, he reassured himself relieved. Touya took Yuki's hand and bent over it, kissing the pale fingertips softly.
The smaller boy's eyes widened and he stared down at the dark head bent over his hand. His fingers flexed and closed gently around Touya's. He'd missed being with him like that, missed taking his time with touching him, being close to Touya. It was such a relieve that it didn't change anything that he wasn't human ... and not only himself, Yukito. But he didn't want to think about this now. It still confused him somewhat. For now he just wanted to renew his bond with Touya, to reassure himself that they still were lovers.
Yuki let himself fall into another long kiss with Touya, which was all soft and almost chaste in the beginning, only slowly deepening to something more demanding and hungry. Their breathing became harsher, turning into soft moans that mingled in their searching mouths. Yuki found that his hands had opened Touya's shirt and pushed it back to reveal the taller boy's chest, wanting to touch his warm, naked skin.
With a small sigh Touya closed his eyes, just feeling Yuki's subtle fingers trace along his collarbones, run lightly down his chest and trail over his ribs, sending a shudder through his body. Suddenly he felt warm wetness close lightly over one of his nipples. The sweet, intense sensation made the boy gasp, his eyes flying open again, to find Yuki smile up at him from beneath fluffy hair falling into his face. As Yuki moved his head to rub his cheek with innocent sensuality against the other boy's chest, the fine hair brushed against sensitive skin, causing another jolt of tingly sensations.
"Yuki ..." Touya's voice sounded rough, but in a way that almost hypnotised Yuki. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, sinking down on the bed with him. Smoothly Yuki slid one leg over Touya's to mould even closer against the other boy. Thus Touya felt the hot hardness between Yuki's legs rub through the fabric of their trousers against his own erection. He pressed Yuki against himself, just lying like this for a moment, his face buried in Yuki's hair, inhaling his scent. //You won't disappear.// The thought flashed through his mind, rising out of the growing feeling of need that filled Touya.
He pulled Yuki's shirt out of his trousers and pushed it up, with his hands running up along the other boy's sides, urging him to lift his arms to strip it off completely. Yuki's slender body slid smoothly through his hands, squirming slightly as Yuki struggled free of the shirt's cuffs. In the moonlight that still fell through the window above the bed his skin looked even paler, almost glowing softly, translucent, and the little colour it possessed was bled out of Yuki's fair hair so it looked silvery-white. //Like Yue's.// Touya caressed over Yuki's arms, cupping his shoulders to pull him gently down for another kiss.
Without really being aware of it Yuki moved his hips sensually, hungry for the stirring friction it caused, while his tongue danced around Touya's. He felt the warm weight of one of Touya's hands at the small of his back, pressing him closer. At the same time Touya tried to open Yuki's trousers with his other hand, which wasn't easy this way. Yuki laughed softly about the other boy's uncoordinated approach, the husky, sensual sound sending a shudder through Touya's body.
"Wait, Touya. Let me go a bit." He urged breathy.
With a low moan Touya let go and watched how Yuki sat up and opened his trousers, pulling them off together with his pants. Touya was happy his face lied in the shadows, for he felt how he blushed slightly. It was stupid he still was so excited and a little shy about this. He hesitated then deliberately reached out and caressed over Yuki's naked, soft thigh, his fingertips just lightly brushing the other boy's erection.
Enthralled Yuki gazed down at Touya, the soft, stirring touch making him all dizzy. With Touya's slight reluctance and shyness every touch became a very special one, feeling more intense, like something to be treasured. He sank down beside the taller boy, running his hand over his belly, while he spread feathery kisses at Touya's shoulder and chest, sometimes slightly dipping his tongue out to taste his skin. His hand moved down to Touya's trousers, slowly opening them, then getting them off with Touya's help so they both were wearing nothing but the moonlight.
Trembling a little with apprehension and desire Touya pulled Yuki into his arms again, feeling the hot, slender body mould against his own. Yuki's soft, wet lips brushed over his nipple, while his hand moved lightly down over his belly. Heat spread through Touya, his breathing turning into soft gasps. Slowly his hands slid down Yuki's naked back. //So good. It feels so good to touch him. You're so warm, Yuki. Can't believe your other form should be so much colder.//
The feeling of being observed nagged at Touya's attention. Not Yuki's dazed, heated gaze, but a colder one. It kindled Touya's suspicion even through the muffling layers of bliss that clouded his mind. Touya blinked and tried to focus, meeting Yuki's upturned face. Perhaps it was just his imagination and the deceptive light of the moon, but for a moment the look in the green eyes seemed slightly different. It was Yue's look. That sad, uncertain and reluctant expression he had worn the moment before his wings had enfolded him. //No, it's just my imagination.// Touya tried to hold on to his blissful state of arousal, the heat and hunger burning in his body. //He said he could ignore it, but ... No, I want to be with Yuki. I don't want to think!// But Touya's mind had started to work, dispersing the delightful clouds that had enwrapped it, illuminating some uncomfortable conclusions to his thoughts. //Even if he ignores it he still will be aware of it while I'm making love with Yuki. And he doesn't want to be my lover. He doesn't want to do all this ...//
Yuki sensed Touya's growing tension, as his hand moved down lower on his belly. He smiled. "It's been so long that you've gotten that very shy again?" he teased lovingly, his fingertips detouring over Touya's hip and running down the inside of his thigh. Thoughtfully he bit his lower lip, his eyes shiny with sensual hunger, while his gaze caressed over Touya's tall, naked and aroused body. Then he bend down slowly and breathed a soft kiss against the top of the other boy's cock.
Touya's eyes widened at the intimate, stirring touch, a wave of heat surging through his body, making his breath catch. Dazed he stared at Yuki's fair head bend over his groin. //Yue's head.// Suddenly Touya sat up and gripped Yuki's shoulders, pushing him back. "No, don't!" he whispered with his voice sounding rough, almost edgy.
Confused and shocked by the unexpected rejection Yuki blinked, trying to make out the other boy's expression. "T ... Touya...?" he asked softly, a blush rising into his cheeks. "You don't want that?"
Touya swallowed. "I ... Yuki... I'm sorry. It's ... I think ... damn!" Touya put an arm over his eyes, struggling to sort out his thoughts. His other hand clenched around Yuki's shoulder. He felt the smaller boy's skin growing colder beneath his touch and that he drew slightly back from him. "I'm sorry if I did something you didn't like, Touya." Yuki said, his voice sounding unsteady. Then he added with a hint of sadness. "Or is it something else?"
Touya waited till the arousal had left his body so he could think more clearly again, before he lowered his arm and gazed at the other boy. How could he explain this without hurting or scaring Yuki? //I guess in this situation any explanation is better than saying nothing.// "Yuki, you ... Yue ..." Touya exhaled and started over again. "I've been talking with Yue and he said that he's aware of everything you do. And he told me he didn't feel the same for me like you ... but still he's aware of what we're doing." He hoped Yuki could understand what he meant, that he couldn't just make love with him, while he knew things were like that. For now Touya tried to push away what this meant for their relationship, not knowing what to do about it. Instead he watched Yuki's face for his reaction, growing tense at the sad, confused look that met him.
"I ... I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of this." Yuki said finally, not knowing what to think about all this and how to feel about it. Involuntarily his hand reached up for his lips, blushing and then growing pale. He clenched his hand, but then felt how Touya took it in a warm grasp. The half-hearted smile Yuki gave him as he looked up didn't fool Touya - it wouldn't, even if it hadn't been so quivery. "It's all right, Touya." Yuki said, struggling to keep the smile up beneath the piercing gaze from Touya's dark, slanting eyes. "I really can understand why you don't want to go on. I ... I don't know ... what ... will you still stay here?" he asked softly, looking ruffled and confused.
Touya hesitated, but then nodded, reaching out to put a hand on Yuki's head. Then he blinked, noticing annoyed that he started to feel very sleepy again. //Damn, we ought to think about this. I can't give Yuki up as my lover. And Yue ...// Touya searched Yuki's face for a hint of his other form. //Yue seems to rather stay away just now. I need to talk to him about this.//
As Yuki noticed that Touya swayed slightly with sleepiness he was almost relieved. He just didn't know what to do or say, but he could make Touya lay down and cover him up. It reassured and calmed him somewhat to do so. Touya protested softly, but he was too drowsy to withstand Yuki's gentle, coaxing hands and the soft pillow and blanket. His eyes drifted shut with the image of his lover's caring, sweet, sad smile hovering above him. He just sensed how the other boy slid beneath the cover beside him.
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Yuki stared into the darkness, feeling the warm form of Touya at his back, close, but not touching. Somehow this seemed like he was quite far away. Yuki traced his own hand, gazing at the translucent, pale fingers that were kissed by a slanting ray of moonlight. It was his hand, it felt real ... now again it felt real, not like during the last weeks. Then he had sometimes thought that all sensations were fading, when his body continually had been submerged in soft sleepiness. Was Yue's hand just the same? He didn't even know what Yue looked like. They were the same person just in different forms. Or were they not? How could he in one form not love Touya? Yuki swallowed, feeling so confused, longing for Touya's steady, reassuring touch. His warm, gentle touch. A sob rose in his throat and he covered his mouth with his hands to muffle it. What could he do? How could he reach Yue? He didn't know Yue's thoughts and feelings, he couldn't sense him at all. He couldn't even control it when they changed from one form to the other. But even if he was aware of Yue and could talk to him, he wouldn't be able to do anything to change his feelings for Touya. Yuki cried softly, his tearstained fingers silencing his sobs, but his shoulders shook slightly.
After some time Touya reached out and gently pulled Yuki into his arms holding him tight, just holding him. He wanted to tell him that it wouldn't be a problem, that it didn't matter that he was two persons, that he had no problem at thinking of him and Yue as the same, just two forms of his lover. But actually it was a problem. Yuki and Yue's hearts weren't the same.
End Part 1
| Part 2 | |
