Oct. 8, 2003
I think I've finally surrendered to the fact that my body is no longer 20.... I still sleep, eat and party like it is though... but it is breaking down... The back hurts, the face is long, and pot bellies are no longer cute....
Take me through this process of getting old and tell me what is so great. I worry more. Paranoia is all around me. Sleep just never seems long enough... and the worse part is just when I think I am satisfied with the world..... something else come up to put me back down... recently, I've been reading up on Psychology, a field I never though I would venture into... now more than ever, things that I did not think would fascinate me do.. but they scare me to death... literally.. disease and mental break downs. Mental conditions and physical abnormalities.... The one thing that has changed is that as a logical person, I never contemplated religion even when I studied up on it.... But knowing more and more about the physiological and physical nature of people and how complex we are, I am being more drawn to the supernatural... hmm
It has brought me to think about my mortality... about the duration of the ticking clock with a battery with a shelf life that someday might just need to be taken back for a warranty repair... So great to learn things.. and then to worry about the things you do know... I wonder is I knew less if I'd be any happier or just an ignorant fool...
Worry worry...
With all the physical breakdown, I do know my mind does feel more seasoned and developed.... What of this though... I get smarter but my body just withers away....
Well, time to try the "clear my mind"
theory again, and release.... relax..... live for the day right..... but I
think I have finally surrendered....