6 Archer, In the castle gardens during the coronation masquerade...
About the time the third dance of the second set (the one started by the Queen's Pavane) starts, Martin seeks out Paige. "Perhaps you'd care to dance, or for a walk outside in the fresh air?" he asks, but Paige is pretty sure he means he wants to talk to her alone.
He has taken something, she is certain, to dull the edges of the evening, but he's not seriously impaired.
The emerald dragon gives a passing glance to Lilly, to ensure she's enjoying herself or guarding the Queen, her only two options this evening in Paige's thinking. Assured that she has no duties, she offers her hand to the Crown Prince and says, "I think a stroll would be lovely."
Martin should be able to tell that she's not "all coked-up", in fact she seems scarily straight.
Martin offers her his arm and they make a stately promenade out one of the side doors into the gardens, past the people on the porches, around the bend of the inner keep, out of sight of anybody except the waxing moon.
Carefully, Martin unfastens and doffs his helm, and tucks it under one arm. He runs his fingers through his helm hair with his free hand, and it falls a little forward, so he pushes it back again.
He lets out a breath, then, and begins to speak.
"I know I'm--stupid--about a lot of very important things, but sometimes if you slap me hard enough with the proverbial mackerel, I can see something that I'm normally too dense to catch. I've taken several slaps in the face with the mackerel lately, and they've brought some things home to me that I seem to have stupidly missed in the past, and made me rethink some things I've done.
"What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is that I've been a grade-A asshole, and I'm sorry."
Paige's expression shifts from interest to confusion to amusement probably too quick for Martin's current perception to catch, unless whatever he took was perception enhancing, but Paige doubts that. She too doffs her mask, enjoying the night's calm around this convenient corner.
"Apology accepted, and offered in return," she says. "I did my share to draw those moments out of you."
Paige obviously wants to figure out where his sudden change of heart originated, but she's content to let him speak it seems.
A thought strikes her and she adds, "Unless you're apologizing for something I don't know about yet." Smiling to take the edge off she continues, "Or if you've been an asshole to Folly."
Martin shakes his head slightly, once.
There's a little desire in her eyes, a wish that she could share whatever he's using to take the edge off.
"So, which mackerel woke you up to your asshole-ness?" she asks.
"Oh, a little of this and a little of that," Martin says. "Things have been reasonably intense for the last however long it's been, three weeks maybe for you guys? But I've had a lot of sit-and-wait time to think between hellrides, which I don't normally get. And maybe some distance helps."
He adds, "I don't think you owe me any apologies, certainly none that you haven't already offered. For what it's worth, I accept them, though."
"Well, then we're square," she says with a smile. "I'd suggest we celebrate by seeing if you can mount a dragon as well as cousin Jovian can," she jokes spinning about and letting the tail of the dragon fly behind her.
"I imagine so," says Martin. "I don't need straps, either."
That solicits a chuckle from Paige, deep and throaty, as if she's considering the possibility for a moment, before answering, "But that would qualify as being an asshole to Folly, even if tonight's probably my only chance for a few millennia to screw during a coronation ball."
Her spin stops, her eyes locked on Martin. "She loves you, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. I'm trying not to f*ck it up with her the way I did with you. I may be stupid, but I'd like to think I can learn from my mistakes," Martin says.
"We're not going to get into who was wrong, because that's always how our arguments start," Paige says firmly. "And I kinda like *not* fighting with you if I'm not going to get the fun parts of making up."
"Of course with your current girlfriend, the hope of an evening for the three of us isn't out, I suppose. Think you could handle both of us Mr. Endurance?"
"I don't think Folly and I are ready to open up our relationship that way yet," says Martin.
"It wasn't an offer, love," she says. "Just a comment." She's careful to keep her tone light and joking. She doesn't know what or how much he's taken and she won't let her self be the one to bring him down.
Martin looks like he'd like to say something, but...
"For the record, I'm happy for both of you," she adds with a smile, happy that he can't tell that it's a bit forced.
"Thank you," he says. "It means a lot to Folly, and to me."
"Merlin seemed pretty concerned last night over his Patternwalk," Paige changes the topic. "Best guess is that he was visualizing his two Pattern heritages fighting for pre-eminence."
"He was pretty sure it was for real," Martin says. "He was damned well near hysterical when he came in on my Trump. It took quite a bit of convincing to get him to come back here. I think he's safer having taken the Walk, but he's not sure it didn't make things worse."
"You think his father or Benedict would've said something to him about it by now if it were," Paige says.
"Hells, I had time to discuss it with *my* father."
Paige runs her thumb over her emerald lips, deep in thought for a moment, and decides to hear his piece before continuing.
"If events happened in the way Merle described them, and it really was Benedict, why would Benedict say anything? And my experience with Corwin is that we're all supposed to play like the family is happy and shiny, not like we're like--we are." Martin shrugs.
"Anyway, Merlin hasn't spent much time with Corwin since. He was with me all the way back to Amber, and he's spent most of the last two days in public, which isn't conducive to his father explaining why his uncle is trying to kill him."
"Well, either Ben's a great actor, or he had nothing to do with it," Paige says. "I kinda confronted him on it, and I'm in favor of his innocence."
Martin shrugs. "I don't think it was him either, if only because of the two hands thing. But *something* happened. Merlin's overcautious sometimes, but he doesn't make shit up, not when it's important."
Paige nods in agreement, "I never disbelieved him."
"And I know we've been warned against business tonight, but someone should talk to Corwin on it," she suggests. "I guess that's my job, so you don't have to dance with him, eh?"
"I'm not the right person to discuss Merlin with Corwin, no," says Martin, a little flatly.
"Dum-de-dum-dum," she sings. "Is there an issue there I should know about, since it seems to have fallen to me?"
"Put it down to my irrational father issues," Martin says. Whatever he took to take the edge off seems to be wearing off.
"Yours or his? Transference or just taking up a friend's cause?" Paige asks a little flippantly.
"Or Corwin's," says Martin, looking increasingly disgruntled.
Paige chuckles, "Or that Corwin's a wonderful suspect for Folly's father?"
Martin's lack of response is a response in and of itself.
"No matter," she says. "I'll bend his ear, before the night's out." A mischievous smile flits across her lips. //Nah, Father'd kill him.//
"So, has the Crown Prince gotten his post-coronation job assignment yet?" Paige asks. "Julian wants me to stay put. Seems to believe that the twin's grandmother might come looking for them."
Martin smiles sardonically. "So much for no rest for the wicked. Me, I ride out as soon as I can shed the monkey suit, which can't be soon enough. Folly rides with me."
"Lucky girl," Paige agrees. "Can I ask where to?"
"You can ask but I can't answer. Not Paris, though, if that's what you're thinking. After this job, though, I'm putting my foot down and taking her there. She needs to take the Walk, and the sooner the better."
She listens before asking shyly, "The King hasn't mentioned plans for me, has he?" but Martin hears _I'm stuck here, aren't I?_
Martin shrugs. "Not to me, but I don't know all his plans. I think if you haven't gotten a job by now, you probably won't. I think he's planning on shaking the dust of Amber from his feet even faster than I will after the masquerade."
"So, Queen Vialle, with the unwed-mother-of-a-niece as her only target? Wonderful." Paige sakes her head and the jewels in her costume catch the light.
"Would you rather he left Folly to share the love?" Martin asks. "No, don't answer that."
It's Paige's turn to sound flat, "Of course not. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm just tired of being what everyone wants of me instead of myself."
"All our Knight Commanders seem to have agendas, so I'll assume Brennan won't be able to escort me to Uxmal," she sighs. "Even if I did get out from beneath the twins' grandfather's scrutiny, I wouldn't have anyplace to go."
"Uxmal? Where's that?"
"Brennan's home," Paige says. "I've a Trump for it, well, actually, Brennan has it at the moment."
"Oh," says Martin.
"I can't even tutor Folly in Trump if she's gone with you," she grouses.
Noticing her own change in tone, she makes an effort to smile. "Guess I'll have to make due with fencing lessons from Lilly."
"As long as you don't overstrain yourself. She'll kick your ass without thinking about it; so don't try to keep up with her. Of course, if Merle saw true, you won't, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't make the effort anyway. His methods of seeing are not immune to paradox," says Martin.
"So, I've still got a chance to throw myself down the tower stair and maybe not have to deal with Julian watching my every move?" she chuckles darkly.
"As to Lilly, and everyone else for that matter, thanks for the concern Martin, but I know where I fall in this family. I don't need to be reminded."
The moonlight has painted Martin in shades of pale, but he seems to have found an even whiter shade of it in her words. "Don't even joke about that."
"Martin, I wouldn't be the first woman to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy," she says. He can hear in her voice that she lacks the conviction to take such measures.
The forced smile returns, "Why don't you head back? Folly will be missing you."
"Yes," Martin says quietly, his own voice sounding a little forced.
"Probably for the best if I do that." He offers to help her put her mask back on before donning his helm again and strapping it into place.
As he helps her, Paige kisses him on the cheek. "I'm sorry, truly, Martin. Today's just a bit trying on us all, and I'm just venting to someone who knows to ignore me." She smiles, a genuine grin that fills her eyes, for him.
"Thanks, for the apology and the ear," she says.
Martin finishes adjusting her mask, and draws his finger along his cheek, very gently. "Paige," he says, and stops, as if he can't quite continue.
Paige's breast stops its casual motion, as her breath catches in her throat.
"Yes?" she whispers, straining against her impulses.
"Does it matter?" he asks, soft and low. "I'd be an asshole if I said it now, and an asshole if I didn't."
"No," she gently tilts her head into his caress. "Whatever you would be, it's not that."
Closing her eyes, she asks hesitantly, "Would it change anything?" She bars the barest hint of hope from her tone by a sheer act of will.
"How could it? If it were just the twins ... I didn't do so badly by Merlin. But it's them and Folly and--my father. What he is now, and what that means for me. And how long would it be until you and I fought again? I knew if I said it then, all you would hear was the promises I couldn't make, much less hope to live up to. So what good does it do, to tell you now, when all I can do is salve my aching conscience? Isn't it better to keep my mouth shut and bear up under my sins in silence?"
When he suggests he could be a father to the twins Paige's eyes well with tears, her lip quivering. She nods gently at mention of his father, and her heart breaks when he predicts them fighting again. She wrestles a smile onto her face when he talks about the word she'll never hear from his lips and nods.
His fingers slide under her chin and, together with his thumb on her cheek, gently guide her face downwards, as if to meet her gaze when her eyes open.
They open, the tears betraying the compressed emerald smile. "It's enough to know," she whispers. "It has to be."
Martin releases Paige's chin and brushes the tears away with his fingers, without looking away. "I'm sorry," he says, and presses his lips together.
Then, "I should go, and let you be. I've done enough damage."
"No, you've never done anything I didn't ask," she says. "But, you're right, you'll be missed and I'm..."
Paige leans ever so far forward, her lips meeting his, her soul bared for him, so scared and yet so alive at his touch. Time seems to stand still for her. If it lasts minutes or days or until Order flees from the Universe, she can't tell. A cool voice in her head calls her back from the Abyss and she pulls away from him.
Martin stands unmoving through her kiss; when she pulls away, she sees that his eyes are closed.
"I'm sorry, too."
He says, "I know," but there are layers and layers and layers in the words.
"I have to go now," he adds, and starts to put on his helm again.
A wry smile quirks her lips as he straps it into place. Producing a handkerchief from her sleeve she wipes a bit of green from the corner of his mouth before he goes. "Wouldn't do..."
As he leaves she calls softly after him, "Martin, promise me you won't wait like this to tell her?"
Martin pauses in mid-step and the swan-bill snaps back around for a second. "Oh," he says, sounding almost startled, "even I'm not that stupid twice. I already did."
Paige sees his mouth make a silent O, as if he realizes what he just said, and then he turns back towards the hall and is gone.
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last updated 05/14/2003 - Well, better than the last fiasco...