Act One Part Two
Disclaimer: Not suitable for young children. The actors are professionals, don't try this at home. Beware powdered sugar donuts.
Author's Note: The slightly screwy sequel continues. The story finally picks up, people sing some more, and you finally learn what the heck is up with that title. And I still have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote this. Well, R/R an' all that jazz.
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(Meanwhile, just down the hall from the royal living room, Archnemon and Mummymon are skulking through the palace, cleverly disguised as a donkey.)
Mummymon: Why am I always in the hind end?
Archnemon: I think that one�s a little too obvious, don�t you?
Mummymon: I don�t mind. As long as I�m close to you.... (Kissing noises are heard from inside the costume, followed, of course, by the sound of someone being slapped.)
Archnemon: If you touch me one more time....
Mummymon: But Archnemon, sweetie pie....
Archnemon: That�s it, I�m out of this thing! Now! (She tears open the costume by turning into her Digimon form. Mummymon sighs and follows her out of the ripped costume.)
Mummymon: And I liked that costume, too.
Archnemon: Shh! We�re kidnappers, remember?
Mummymon: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Archnemon: How did you.....never mind. Idiot.
Moving quietly and quickly
Through the halls we go
Mummymon: It�s really quite a thrill you see
Quite a treat, you know
Soon the prince will be in our grasp.
Archnemon: Only if you�re quiet though!
They say we shouldn�t be here
We�re evil and dark through and through
I don�t mind because it�s fun
If only I weren�t with you.
Mummymon: You�re simply a genius, my dear
I love it when you talk that way
I�d follow you to the ends of the earth
And I�ll never ever go away.
Archnemon: (Dryly) Great.
Now quietly, skulk with me
Down the hall and to the right
If all goes well we�ll soon have
The prince by the end of the night.
Then the reward shall be ours
The Boss will be quite pleased, you see
Don�t be worried, don�t be scared
And for heaven�s sake, don�t touch me!
Mummymon: A reward for us? How grand!
I know the perfect thing
Once money and respect are ours
I�m going to buy a ring!
Archnemon: For who?
Mummymon: For you!
Archnemon: Not in this lifetime. (Archnemon and Mummymon find themselves right in front of the door to the living room.)
Now here we are, he�s inside
Never worry, never fear
For I have another genius plan--
(A moment later, Archnemon and Mummymon stand in front of the door dressed in identical red and white outfits, holding an empty box. Mummymon knocks on the door.)
Mummymon: Anyone order a pizza here?
(From inside the room, two voices are heard.)
Daisuke: Chibimon, did you--
Chibimon: Not me! Though I could use a bite.
Can we have it anyway?
Daisuke: (Sighs) All right.
(The door swings open and Daisuke appears, with Chibimon on his shoulder.)
Daisuke: Huh? You don�t look like--
Archnemon: Get �im!
(Archnemon and Mummymon pounce on Daisuke. There is a moment�s dustcloud fight, then the two evil Digimon emerge with Daisuke and Chibimon tied up and gagged.)
Mummymon: We�ve done it! Success!
Archnemon: No witnesses anywhere!
Hurry and we�ll escape undetected--
(No sooner has she spoken then King Jyou rounds the corner with a group of royal guards.)
Jyou: Hold it! You there!
Archnemon: Crud. Run for it!
(The two Digimon run with their captive through the halls. Ken comes out of his room, blinking sleepily with Minomon floating along behind him.)
Ken: Huh? (Rubs his eyes) What the heck---
Mummymon: Out of our way!
(Mummymon and Archnemon push Ken to the side. As he falls, his eyes meet those of the captive prince.)
Ken: Wha---Daisuke! (He gets up and races after Archnemon and Mummymon)
Mummymon: That brat�s gaining on us!
Ken: Get back here! Nobody ties up my boyfriend except me!
Archnemon: Quick! Out the window!
(The evil Digimon, Daisuke in tow, dive out the nearest window and shimmy down the castle wall using Archnemon�s spider thread. Ken leans helplessly out the window, staring after them.)
Ken: Hey! You bring my ready-for-bondage boyfriend back! Daisuke! Daisuke!!!
(Jyou rushes up, followed by the guards, as well as Hikari, Miyako, Yamato, and Taichi. Needless to say, it�s one crowded hall.)
Hikari: What�s going on? We heard screaming. I mean, more screaming than usual.
Yamato: It interrupted my beauty sleep. Taichi, darling, I don�t have circles under my eyes, do I? Be brutal, I can take it.
Taichi: (Somewhat annoyedly) You look beautiful Yamato.
Yamato: Well, tell me something I don�t already know.
Ken: They....they took Daisuke....they took my Daisuke...
Miyako: They? Who�s they?
Ken: Those two evil Digimon. I�ve seen them before. (His face darkens.) They work for King Oikawa.
Jyou: Oikawa! He must be trying to disrupt the coronation!
Yamato: Hmmph. I saw King Oikawa once. He needed a good facial cleanser. And some hair gel. Maybe a nice conditioner, to give that limp hair some body. With the right amount of gel and conditioning, I bet he could hope to look perhaps one-tenth as good as I do. Maybe even one-eighth! I�m being generous.
Taichi: Yamato, now is really not the time to be planning Oikawa�s makeover.
Yamato: Well excuse me for trying to impart some of my knowledge to the rest of you.
(The curtain closes and Takeru and Iori step out again.)
Takeru: Well, that just sucks, doesn�t it?
Iori: The kingdom of Whatsisname is shrouded in darkness and nearly impossible to enter. In order to save the prince, Queen Mimi calls upon the royal seer, an old man named Gennai of wise clan Plotdevice, to impart to them the necessary information to enter Whatsisname and save the prince.
(The curtain opens once more on the throne room. Mimi and Jyou sit on their thrones, with Taichi and Yamato standing to one side of them and Hikari and Miyako on the other. Ken is sitting on the floor, distraught, with Minomon trying desperately to comfort him. Gennai stands in the center of the room.)
Gennai: Queen Mimi, King Jyou. You called for me?
Mimi: (In annoyance) No, we called your twin brother Bennai. Of course I called for you! My son has been kidnapped by King Oikawa of Whatsisname. You must tell us how to enter the kingdom so we can save him.
Gennai: I guess I could do that...for a price...
(In a flash Ken is on his feet. He grabs Gennai by the collar and slams him into the wall.)
Ken: Tell me how to save Daisuke and I let you live. How�s that?
Gennai: Ah, uh....say, is that a whip on your belt?
Ken: Do not touch the whip! The whip is for Daisuke only, understand?
Gennai: Y-yes, sir.
Ken: Very good. Now, are you going to tell me how to save Daisuke?
Gennai: I--I--
Ken: Minomon! Bring me.....the chainsaw.
Gennai: Okay, okay! According to my sources--
Miyako: Sources? I thought you were a psychic!
Gennai: I can�t have psychic sources?
Ken: Skip the humorous banter and tell me where my Daisuke is!
Gennai: All right already! As I was saying, Whatsisname lies in the west. The castle is perched high atop a hill. In order to enter Whatsisname, you must enter through that known as Drokken Pass, a dangerous place full of drokkens.
Hikari: What�s a drokken?
Gennai: No idea. But in order to defeat King Oikawa, you must capture one. You see, Oikawa is not what he appears. He is extraordinarily powerful. The drokken can help you defeat him.
Ken: Then it�s settled. I�m going to go catch a drokken.
Miyako: I�m going too! Daisuke is my brother, after all. Anyway, I�ve got nothing better to do.
Hikari: I go where Miyako goes.
Taichi: I�m going too!
Yamato: (In surprise) Taichi?
Taichi: I�m sorry, Yamato, but this is something I have to do. As Royal Advisor, I feel that it is my duty to protect my goggles--I mean, the prince.
Yamato: But what will I do without you? I couldn�t possibly come along, all that dirt will just ruin my skin tone!
Ken: (Dryly) My heart bleeds for you. (He turns away from Yamato and stares out the window.) I�m coming for you, Daisuke!
(The curtain closes, only to open again on a new scene. Mimi, Jyou, and Yamato stand in front of the castle, wishing the adventurers good luck on their quest.)
Mimi: Try to bring him back in one piece.
Ken: Don�t worry, Queen. Come on, everyone, we�re off!
Miyako: For adventure!
Hikari: For love!
Taichi: For my goggles!
Ken: For Daisuke!
(The group heads off down the road. Yamato stares after Taichi, his resolve crumbling.)
Yamato: T-Taichi....
Jyou: Don�t worry, Yamato. I�m sure they�ll be fine. Unless they step on rusty nails and get tetanus. Or catch a wilderness disease. Or get attacked by a wild animal with rabies...
Mimi: (Elbowing him in the stomach) You�re not helping.
Yamato: I miss him already....but I won�t cry!
Mimi: Good for you.
Yamato: Then my beautiful blue eyes would be unsightly and red. It would be a crime against humanity.
Jyou: Why don�t you go after them already? Just bring lotion with you.
Yamato: Hmm....perhaps that�s an idea.
(Before he can do anything, however, a female voice is heard.)
Voice: Yamato dear!
Yamato: (Jumping two feet in the air and whirling around) Who said that?!
Jyou: What�s wrong?
Yamato: (Trembling) N-no....it couldn�t be her....I-I was just imagining it, that�s all...
(He turns to go back inside the castle and winds up face to face with a scowling Jun.)
Jun: There you are, darling!
Yamato: AAAAAAAAH!!!! H-how did---how did you--
Jun: How did I get out of the tiger pit you left me in? The one in Siberia? Well, that�s my little secret....honey!
Mimi: Um....Yamato? Aren�t you going to introduce us to your....friend?
Jun: I�m not his friend! I�m his wife!
Jyou: (To Yamato) I thought your wife disappeared under mysterious--mmph! (Mimi claps a hand over his mouth.)
Yamato: Jun! I�m so.....glad.....to see you. You can go away now.
Jun: You don�t get away that easily, pretty boy!
I never knew that our romance had ended
Until you poisoned my food;
And I thought it was a lark
When you kicked me in the park
But now I think it was rude.
(Mimi and Jyou glance sideways at Yamato, who shrugs weakly.)
I never knew that you and I were finished
Until that bottle hit my head;
Though I tried to be aloof
When you pushed me off the roof
I feel our romance is dead.
(Yamato begins nodding emphatically.)
It wouldn't have been so bad if you had told me
That someone had taken my place
But no, no you didn't even scold me
You just tried to disfigure my face.
You'll never know how this heart of mine is breaking
It looks so hopeless but then
Life used to be so placid
Won't you please put down that acid
And say that we're sweethearts again?
(Jyou walks up from behind Yamato and removes the vial of acid from his hands.)
Jyou: It�s dangerous to play with that sort of thing, Yamato.
Jun: Now, darling, we need to talk--
Yamato: No! Get away from me! You�ll give me wrinkles! (He runs full speed into the castle, with Jun skipping after him.)
Jun: Get back here! Don�t worry, honey, I forgive you!
(Mimi and Jyou exchange glances and sweatdrop.)
Mimi: Think we could still catch up to Ken and the others?
(Before Jyou can answer, the voices of Yamato and Jun are heard inside the castle, accompanied by the sound of breaking pottery.)
Jun: One kiss and you�re forgiven!
Yamato: Leave me alone!
(Mimi and Jyou exchange glances again.)
Jyou: Maybe if we run.
(They look down the path, but Ken and company are already out of sight. Sighing, the king and queen trudge back into the castle.)
END OF ACT ONE
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Jun's li'l song was stolen--borrowed, I mean, borrowed from an episode of Batman: The Animated Series. I don't remember what the episode was called, but it was one of them.
Act Two will be posted when I get around to starting it, which may be a while. That'll teach me to work on two multi-part fics at once (technically three, since besides this and Mizu-Kagami I've just started a third fic. I guess things would be easier if I didn't have the attention span of a three year old.) -_-;;