Chapter 1

His gaze followed the lines of barbed wire to the building where he should be right now. The two barriers left anf right from it stood still, and the crossing-keeper seemed to be bored. Still he had to stand there, like a statue, never bending his back to relax. He wasn't even allowed to open the top button of his jacket or take of his hat, against the overwhelming heat. Sully knew. He had been him once. The sun was reflected from the window facing west. Soon it would be dark and this sense of danger would fill the air. He had never felt save since he came here. He knew he never would feel save again. He had seen too much.

He shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, once more weighting his options. What would hapen if he didn't report his return? Would they even ask? When he closed his eyes, he saw the thousands of dead bodies, fingers and whole arms stretching skywards. Big, rough hands and arms as well as delicate and small ones. They were creul, they all were. He shivered with the memory and opened his eyes. Suddenly he knew that he could never go back there. He couldn't do this again. His fear that they would send him back there was too big. This would be his death!

When the sunlight reflected in the windows slowly faded, and the dreaded darkness set in, he turned around and soon disappeared into the shadows.

She was running faster and faster through the dark and sticky night. Not daring to turn around, she couldn't know how close he was. She didn't hear anything except her own breathing and punding heart. This couldn't be happening to her. Why did she let go of her hand?

The tears made their way down her little face and the sweat made the fine hair at her temples stick to her skin. Her feet were hurting and all she wanted to do, was stop and throw herself into her mother's arms. But she wasn't there. She had let go of her hand. She had let go.

"Mommy" She whined, wishing her mother to appear right before her.

She couldn't go on. Her legs and feet were hurting and she couldn't see where she was heading. The sound of a bird starting from one of the trees in the park nearby made her jump and change her direction. The parc. She could hide there until he was gone.

"Hannah!" He heard a woman calling.

Her voice sounded desperate and he wondered what she wanted in the streets at this time of night. It was too late, too dark and way too dangerous for a woman to be ouside in the middle of the night. Yet her voice sounded so urging that it let him know, she was looking for someone.

He turned his head into the direction he thought the voice came from, but he couldn't see anything, the darkness of the night even deeper in the parc. He slowly stood up to have a better view, when his gaze fell upon a small, running figure not far from him. The person was running right towards the parc and he could soon make out the form of a little girl, hair flowing wildly around her little head.

"Mommy..." she said again when she felt her legs buckle underneath her. Her breathing had goten laboured from running and she felt faint. When she had almost reached the parc she saw another person in the shadows,staning up from a bench and first looking away from her and then right at her.

Frightened that the person wanted to arm her as well, she changed her direction oncemore and stumbled right across the wide road. Turning around to see if the person followed her she didn't hear the screeching of wheels or saw the bright light falling on her form. The last thing she felt and heard was the hard crashing of something big against her small body and the desperate shout of her mother.

"HANNAH NO" She couldn't believe what was happening there. She as well had seen the figure standing up from the bench. Her legs moved even faster when she saw her little girl running towards the figure and fear gripped her heart. When she saw her girl change direction and run away from the stranger she was relieved.

Now she was shouting at the top of her lungs as she saw her little girl getting hit by the car, speeding down the empty road. Starting to rush towards the limp body lying in the middle of the road she saw the dark figure from the bench, mouth and eyes wide open in shock, racing to her girl as well.

Everything happened too fast for him too react, but when he remembered it later he saw it in slow motion. The little girl running towards him and then scared changing her direction and running across the street. The car speeding down the empty road, the lights pointing right at the child, the low blinking of the street lamp, that yellow echoing light, and then the yell, the hard thump and the child lying motionless on the ground. The car never stopped and disappeared into the darkness and security of the night within seconds.

He couldn't remember how he got there, but he was suddenly standing over the girl, taking her into his amrs, though he knew it was a mistake and rushing down the roads to the next hospital. He aknowledged the woman running beside him, but didn't take the time or breath to talk to her, to calm her fears or dry her tears. All he could think of right now was that it was his fault and that he had to get the girl to a doctor. He had scred her, made her cross the street without looking. When he saw the lights of the hospital in the distance he knew it would be faster to run there than to wait for an ambulance. The girl looked bad and her left leg was hanging down in a weird angle. Blood was dropping from her head and he wasn't sure if she would make it. But he shut those thoughts out and raced as fast as his legs would allow him. Due to his training in the army he reached the hospital within a few minutes and rushed through the two glass doors and screamed for a doctor.

Chapter 2

"Miss Quinn, please explain the common procedure in case of a bone fracture!" The elderly professor looked intently at the young assistant, waiting for her explanation and knowing perfectly well how nervous she became when she was probed for her knowledge.

"Well..., " her mind began working and produced the images of doctors setting broken legs, "...first thing we have to do is clean the wound." A small smile appeared around her mouth and lit up her whole face. "If there is an open wound" She quickly added when she looked at her professor and noticed his stare.

The grayish man smiled at her and encouraged her with a slight nod to continue.

"After that, we reset the bones and makes sure there are no splinters left in the area around the fracture. Should there be any splinters, we remove them, and close the wound, stabilizing the fractured limb with a plaster and several weeks of rest. In very few cases we need to support the healing prozess with bone screws to make sure the bones stay in position." She took a deep breath when she finished her explanation and looked expectantly at the professor.

Just when he smiled broadely at her and nodded to let her know he was content with her process, a busy rustling was heard outside of the room.

"Well, seems as if we get an emergency." The professor stormed out of the room, young assistant Quinn and his students at his heals. But just outside the room they stopped dead in their tracks as a little girl was brought in by handsome looking, young man. The girl looked seriously injured and her one leg was hanging down in a weird ankle.

A nurse stormed by immediately and brought a bed with her. The man lay the girl on the bed and explained what had happened.

"She was running across the street and there was this car... It didn't stop...and then she was lying there..." He seemed to have a shock and the young assistant began to wonder what he was doing outside with his daughter at this hour of night. Just then she noticed the somewhat younger woman behind him. From the looks of the girl she must have been her mother.

"Miss Quinn." She heard her name and turned her head to see who had called her.

"The girl seems to have a broken leg. You take over here and don't forget to check for internal bleeding." He instructed her. She was stunned. Never before had she been allowed to take the lead when it came to an emergency. But the doctor in her took over and made her mind reel and her body move as she instructed the father of the girl to get outside of the room.

"Please...just go to your wife. We have everything under control." She said without looking at him.

When he didn't move but continued to stare at the still body, she turned around to him for a moment.

"Sir, please, she'll be fine, but I need you to leave the room." She assured him, misinterpreting the look on his face as one of loving concern.

The voice slowly penetrated his mind and when his gaze fell upon the loveliest woman he had ever seen, he thought he was dreaming. Was she the little girl's angel coming to take her?

When she spoke to him again assuring him that the girl was in good hands and touching his arms slightly, he slowly retreated into the hall. His eyes roamed the waiting area and found the hunched over form of a crying, young woman. She couldn't be older than 20, he thought.

The woman looked at him and stopped crying for a moment. At first he wondered what was wrong, but then he remembered the woman running beside him to the hospital and he walked over to her.

"She'll be alright." He simply said and set down next to her.

His eyes travelled the room and he considered the possibility of leaving, fearing the authorities would come and ask him questions about the accident. He knew he would have to give them his name and they would learn everything.

He looked at the young woman next to him for a second. She was pretty with her long black hair and her pale skin, but she was very young, too young to be the mother of a child that age. He would have liked to talk to her, but he knew he couldn't stay. Not wanting to waist anymore time than necessary he stood and turned to the exit. Just when he started to walk away, the black-haired looked up surprised at his leaving.

"Wait" She called.

Sully stopped and turned around, but made no move to return to her side. He didn't say anything and just waited for her to speak.

"Thank you," she whispered getting up and coming closer. She lay her arms around his shoulders and drew him near for a moment before leaning back again. "My name's Abby." She offered, expecting him to tell her his name as well. But he didn't.

"Bye, Abby." Was all he gave back before leaving the hospital and disappearing back into the night.

"Lilly, go and get Dr. Bernard! She's collapsing..." Mike tried her best to get the little girl back. Her heart had suddenly stopped beating and now she was trying to bring her back with a cardiac massage.

Several moments passed and there was no heart beat. Mike started sweating and got desperate. She couldn't lose the girl, she couldn't tell her parents that she was dead. When Dr. Bernard didn't appear she decided to act, knowing she wasn't allowed to operate on her own.

"Defibrillator!" She screamed, "We have to bring her back. "

One... several moments of waiting... two... sharing some desperate glances... three...hands dropping and the feeling of failure taking over...when suddenly...there she was. After the third electrical shock the little monitor suddenly started beeping again, first unregular ,but then in the familiar rhythm. Mike sighed and wiped her forehead with her arm. Squinting her eyes against the sting her sweat had caused she tried to concentrate on her medical training, slightly nodding when her mind produced the familiar images.

"Scalpel." She demanded calmly, her eyes fixed on the girl's belly. It was slightly blown and hard, an obvious sign for internal bleeding.

The nurse hesitated a moment, not knowing if she should assist the still doctor-to-be and risk to be fired or probably let the little girl die. But looking at the child's face once again and then turning her head in the direcion where she knew the parents were waiting, her hand reached for the scalpel and held it out for Mike to start the operation.

Chapter 3

"I can�t find..." Diane couldn�t finish the sentence as she saw the girl cut open and Mike full of her blood. "What the heck are you doing here?"

Mike didn�t look up but concentrated on her task, knowing that if she made a mistake now and the girl died under her hands she would never get her allowance nor would she ever be able to do a surgery again.

"I couldn�t wait..." She tried to explain while her hands desperately tried to still the bleeding.

"Oh my god, that�s the abdominal aorta...you gonna surture it or she�ll bleed to death!" Diane exclaimed when she glanced at the open wound.

"I know...I know...I�m trying to stop the bleeding so I can fix this damn thing...it�s torn." Mike paused a moment thinking about her possibilities. She shook her head and took another bandage, putting it on the girl�s aorta. Just moments later it was drenched in blood and she needed a new one. Mike shook her head again, then stopped and nodded frowning with a worried expression on her face.

"Diane, take over here and keep this bandage right where it is...don't move it a single inch!" Mike instructed, then moved over a little bit to surture the aorta.

The whole room was silent except for the low beeping of the monitor. Mike didn't dare to take a look at it nor did she dare to breath out of fear her hands could tremble and she would place the neddle in the wrong place. She could practically feel the drpos of sweat forming on her forehead and her hot breath under the face mask.

She would need a good, very good, night's sleep and a hot bath after this. Her fine hands work in the girl abdomen as if they had never done anything else and though she had problems seeing the wound through all the blood, the bleeding soon stopped when she had finally managed to close the huge wound.

Mike nodded and looked up at Diane, the exhaustion and fatigue clearly written on her face. But at the same time there was this unbelievable relief and pride in what she had just done. Diane cast her an approving nod and a smile, letting her know she did great.

"So you want to close her up, or what?" She said laughing, also feeling the relief wash over her.

"I don't think so." Came a voice from the door.

They both jumped and turned around at the sound. There stood Dr. Cassidy with a very disapproving glance on his face.

"What do you think you are doing here?" He demanded as he moved over to the girl's side, prepared to close the wound himself. When Mike didn't answer immediately he turned around to her once again.

"I'm waiting Ms. Quinn!" The stern sound of his voice made her shudder, but looking at the girl she remembered what she had done.

"Saving this girl's life when everyone else was to busy doing it." She said dryly, her eyes never leaving his face. Dr. Cassidy stared back at her, not beliving her impertinence.

"Get out of this room, Ms. Quinn. This will have consequences for you!" With that he turned around and worked on the girl.

Mike kept staring at his back for some time before she also turned around and started to leave the room. She stopped a moment when she felt Diane's hand on her shoulder. Her head shot up to meet her eyes and Diane nooded reassuringly at her, before she hurried to Dr. Cassidy's side to assist him.

"Are you deaf?" The sharp voice of the doctor interrupted the moment and made Mike rush out of the room and flee to the waiting area.

She knew the consequences and she knew Dr. Cassidy. He would probably convince everyone that she was incompetend and she would never get her allowance. She shook her head as she sat down on one of the chairs and leaned back against the white, hard wall. To most people this room was disturbing, but she found it somehow exhilarating and at the same time it calmed her down.

Her eyes wandered the room and searched the people's faces. The all were full of worry. Some of them with positive worry, like when they waited for their child to be born, some of them with negative worry, fearing for the life of their beloved ones. She knew that with her mere presence she could ease their worries somewhat. Maybe it was that knowledge that made her feel so good in this room.

She closed her eyes for a moment, reliving the operation once again. She wanted to be sure that there was nothing they could hold against her when the case came to a disciplinary assembly. She hadn't been allowed to perform this operation, she knew that, but from her point of view she didn't have a choice. The girl would have died right before her eyes, under her very own hands, if she hadn't donw anything. The thought made her cringe and a single tear escaped her eyes through her closed lids. She wiped it away immediately, not waniting to show any weakness, especially in front of the people who put their trust in her.

When she reopened her eyes she found a young woman stand in front of her with a worried and fearful expression in her eyes.

"Is she...?" The woman couldn't finish the sentence, her hands shooting up to her mouth in a desperate attempt to hold back the sob that threatened to escape her throat.

Mike was confused for a moment before she recognized the woman as the girl's...what?...mother?

"She's fine..." Mike said gesturing for the mother to sit down next to her. "They just finish her up and she'll be brought to her room. You can see her then. There were some complications, but she'll be fine." She smiled and put a hand assuringly on the woman's back.

"Thank you." Abby gave back and hugged her tightly. Mike reciprocated the hug, knowing that she needed the comfort as well as the girl's mother did.

After some moments they eased their hold on each other and Mike stood up.

"I should get going..." She said sadly, not knowing if she would see the girl or her mother again after tonight or tomorrow. Then she turned around and left the waiting area in the direction of the cafeteria. She felt in need of a huge and strong coffee.

As Mike stepped into the room to look after Hannah, the first thing she noticed was her mother half sitting on a chair half lying on her bed. Her eyes were closed but she seemed to be in a troubled slumber. From time to time her eyes would move and she would frown. Her right hand lay securely in her daughter's, as if she wanted to reassure her girl that she was there with her. But Mike knew from experience that it went both ways. The beloved ones would hold the hands of patients to give them their love but also to make sure that they are still there with them.

She looked at her own hands and willed them to stop trembling. Her hands didn't hold on to anything anymore out of fear that they would have to let go some day. She had seen them having to let go of those hands too many times. She had to let go not long ago. She knew how she could give comfort with her touch, but she was scared to be touched, comforted, loved. Those hands wouldn't let go again.

She took a step towards the sleeping mother and lay her hand on her shoulder, waking her from her shallow sleep. Abagail slowly opened her eyes and wiped the sleep out of them with her left hand, not wanting to let go of her daughter's hand. When she saw Mike her eyes lit up. She hadn't seen any doctor since the operation and no one had told her how her daughter was holding up.

"I just came to see how you two are doing." Mike smiled at the young mother.

"I'm fine, but I'm worried about her though." She glanced at Hannah then at the monitor. "What's all this for?" She queried, pointing at the tubes and electrical appliances.

"She can't breath on her own just now and we have to check her heart beat and blood pressure constantly. I know it looks frightening, but it's for her best. If she's doing good process she won't need to be admistered artificial respiration anymore." She took a subtle glance at the monitor before she looked back at Abagail. "She seems to be holding up. She's a tough girl, a little fighter. Once she's breathing on her own she's over the worst."

"You saved her life." Abagail stated, not really understanding some of the words Mike was using.

"That's my job." She replied, though it was more to her than just a job, it was who she was. " I just wanted to say good bye to the two of you."

"You're not coming back?" Abby asked afraid that heartless Dr. Cassidy would take over her daughter's case.

"Not for a while, but Dr. Bernard is taking over. He's a good doctor." Mike assured the woman.

Abagail nodded then shifted her attention back to her still sleeping daughter. Mike hesitated a moment but then turned around and left the room. She went down the hallway to the front desk and picked up the box with her belongings.

She took a deep breath as the two glass doors slid open in front of her, revealing her to the world outside of her sanctuary. She wouldn't be allowed to come back here until her case was cleared up. For a moment she pondered if it had been worth it. Saving a life, but giving everything that was important to her. But shaking her head she scolded herself. Of course it was worth it.

Sully was leaning against one of the trees in the hospital parc just in front of the huge building. He had wanted to go in there for the last two days, but somehow he couldn't muster thw courage. He didn't know what was holding him back, yet he didn't know what was drawing him there.

He squinted his eyes against the sun light that was thrown back at him by the myriads of windows. He couldn't see much, but when the two glass doors of the main entrance slid open his attention was immediately drawn to the emerging figure. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had seen her before, though he couldn't recognize her from the distance.

Yet when she came towards him, oblivious to his presence, he instantly knew who she was.

Michaela tried to get hold of the keys to her car without dropping her box and she already thought she had succeeded when she lost her balance and the box fell to the ground with a loud clanking. With her car keys tightly in one hand she kneeled down to gather her belongings together and replenish the box with them.

Just when she wanted to grab her agenda someone kneeled down in front of her and grabbed it before her hand could reach it. Looking up she recognized the figure immediately. It was the Hannah's dad. But what was he doing out here? Why wasn't he with his family?

The rich blue of his eyes struck her and she couldn't avert her gaze. There was something mysterious about him, something she couldn't quite figure out. Butshe felt strangely drawn to him. Yet she shrank back when she felt his hand touch hers.

"I'm sorry...just wanted to help..." He said somewhat hurt.

"Oh, I didn't...it's not..." She stammed, well aware how embarassing this whole situation was. " Thank you." She simply said then.

They put her things back into the box without saying anything else and when she wanted to get up and walk to her car he spoke again.

"Your eyes..." He began, then stopped unsure if he really should say this, if he really wanted to say it.

"What's wrong with my eyes?" She gave back, slightly irritated by his behaviour.

"They don't have the same color." He said, not noticing her tone.

"I know that!" She didn't understand what his problem was, and somehow she wasn't sure why she she felt so irritated, even agitated. He somehow made her senses reel.

"I've never seen anyone like you before." He explained, wishing her to stay a little while longer, talk to him a little while longer, letting him linger in her presence just a little while longer. His mind was driving him crazy, he just couldn't find anything to ask her.

"Hannah's fine." She said suddenly, wanting him to stay with her just a couple of more moments.

Sully didn't understand what she was saying at first, but thenit occured to him that she must mean the little girl he had brought into the hospital three two days ago.

"How did it go?" He asked, thankful that she had started the conversation, giving him something to talk about.

"I had to operate,but she's holding up..." Michaela gave back unsure if he wanted to talk orr if she should just go. When he didn't say anything else but just kept staring at her, she lifted the hand with her car keys.

"I should go."

"Wait, where ya goin'?" He exclaimed.

"Home." She said. " I wasn't allowed to do the surgery on my own, so they suspended me." She shrugged her shoulders, not really understanding why she told him this. It probably didn't bother him anyway.

"I'm sorry." He wanted to ask her if he could see her again, but he was scared she would turn him down. Someone like her was probably already promised to someone.

"It was my decision." She simply said. She wanted him to ask her if she would stay, but she knew he never would. He had a family in there.

"Will you be back?" He asked, scared that he would never see her again. He had never quite met someone like her before. She had this sadness in her eyes. It had been there all along, but he had clearly seen it when she told him she was suspended. But what really threw him was the fact that though she was sad about it, she didn't seem to regret it.

"I hope so..." She gave him a final smile before she turned around and went to her car.

Sully watched her enter her small convertible and then drive away from the hospital. All he wanted to to was smack himself for not asking her. What if he would never see her again?

Mike couldn't help herself from watching him disappear out of her view in the rearview mirror of her car. He was still standing there and looking in her direction. She shook her head for even considering the possibility that there could be more. He wasn't free and neither was she.

"Hey..." He whispered low, not wanting to disturb their moment.

"Hey, you came back." She stated matter-of-factly, a wide grin on her face.

"Yea, wanted to make sure she's alright." He nodded and drew one of the chairs to the bed right next to Abby's chair.

"Thanks to you..." She smiled up at him. Even as he was sitting he was way taller than she was.

"Na, ain't nothing." He declined. She watched him closely wondering why he had disappeared that night just to come back now. She put her hand on top of his.

"Means a lot to me." She gave back. He withdrew his hands from under hers, not feeling comfortable with her touch. She wasn't the one that was supposed to touch him, he thought instantly feeling guilty for it when he saw the hurt in her eyes. Yet he knew he couldn't do anything about it. It wouldn't be fair if he lied to her.

"I gotta go." He said and stood up again. When he turned around he thought he saw a flicker of hair disappearing from the door.

"Bye Abby" He said, just like that night, and went out of the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She couldn't stay away from the hospital, though she tried to force herself to do other things. Things she always thought she would enjoy if she just had more time on her hands. Yet, now that she had all the time she could ever wish for, she just didn't seem to be able to relax or find anything that entertained her.

She had gone to the movies, but soon had to face that it wasn't much fun going alone, when she couldn't discuss with anyone about what she saw.

She started reading books. Heaps of books. But everytime she turned a page she had to admit to herself that she couldn't remember what she had just read.

Desperate as she was, she even chatted on the internet, in one of those single chats. But it felt strange talking to people she couldn't see, didn't even know if the names they had were their real names.

It was hopeless and after one week she gave up. She knew she wasn't supposed to go to the hospital, but she wanted to look after Hannah once again, wanted to smell that scent that disgusted most people, wanted to feel save in that sea of white.

So she found herself driving down the roads in her open convertible. She even took the road that guided her around town, hoping she might change her mind and return home. But the closer she got to the hospital the more it seemed to draw her near. She passed the military base on her way and shuddered. She hadn't thought about him in a long time, though he hadn't been gone that long. But know that she saw some of his mates, she couldn't avoid the upcoming images any longer.

She turned her gaze to the road before her and concentrated on her driving. The wind was blowing through her open hair and she could already feel the tangles she would have to brush out tonight, making a mental note to tie it back the next time. She had tried to wear a hat or a cappi, but she just hated the feeling of something on her head. She didn't know why. Maybe it was, because it gave her the feeling her thoughts were trapped in her head. She had to chuckle at the thought.

When she drove around the last bend and the hospital appeared in her view she felt a huge load lifted from her heart. Yea, this was definitely what she needed. There weren't a lot of parking spaces left free, so she chose one far away from the entrance, knowing the walk would help her prepare for the familiar surroundings. A last glance in the rearview mirror to make sure she was presentable and she stepped out of her car, locked it and made her way to the main entrance. Just inside the door she looked around for any sign of Dr. Cassidy, really not wanting to see him.

Diane, who was standing at the desk spotted her and beckoned her over. Michaela obeyed with pleasure and smiled at Diane.

"He's not in today." Diane laughed, knowing perfectly well, who Mike had been looking for.

"Thanks." Mike chuckled and walked over to the stairs. Diane as well joined in her laughter and shook her head at her colleague.

Nearing Hannah's room she heard hushed voices and wondered if Hannah was awake or if anyone was with them. When she stepped into the door she saw the man she had secretly hoped to see again. She felt a pang of guilt as she thought of her own fianc� and saw Abby's hand laying on his. She knew when she was intruding on a private moment, so she glanced at the monitor, making sure Hannah was fine and left the room.

When she left the hospital she didn't bother to say goodbye to Diane. She had thought that going to her haven would make her feel better but now she felt worse than before. At first she couldn't figure out why, but then it dawned on her.

It was him. He was making her feel all sorts of things. She felt guilty, uncomfortable and at the same time more comfortable than she ever had, her hands started sweating and it seemed as if she couldn't control things. He irritated her and she felt as if he was intruding in her haven, taking it away from her, taking the feeling of safety out of it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sully walked down the corridor to the elevators and when he saw the bunch of people waiting there he decided to take the stairs. On his way around the corner, he passed the windows that pointed out to the parking area and not being able to resist a short glance he noticed the small convertible that left a parking spot just at that instant. His eyes fixed on the car he could clearly see the long hair blowing in the wind as she drove around the bend and on the highway.

He cursed himself. All this time ha had been standing near the entrance, waiting for her to return. Today he had thought he could as well come up here and look for himself how the girl was doing. And today she came. He had not been waiting for her and he had missed her. Had she been in the room? And if she was, what had she been walking in on? He slowly started to believe that fate was keeping them apart, that they weren't meant to meet again. Maybe he had thrown his chance away.

Glancing out into the night through her open window she decided to go out for just a little while. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and grabbing for her shirt and pants, she stood up, got a drink of water and left her appartement, grabbing her keys on her way out. When she stepped out into the road and out from the closed walls around her, she felt the slight wind start was starting up. She glanced back up at her open window, pondering whether she shoud close it and get light coat just in case, she decided against it and sat down in her car behind the wheel.

When she looked into the mirror she noticed how tired she looked and suddenly knew exactly where to go. She turned the key and the lights pointed at the car in front of hers. Carefully she manoevered her convertible out of the parking lot and drove down the streets to the nearest 7/11.

When she stopped at 7/11 she cast a short look at her gas display and knew she should get some gas as well. So she stepped out of her car and filled it up with gas. Having finished up, she locked the car and went inside to get her coffee and pay.

The whole store was empty and the taller behind the counter seemed bored to death, slowly turning the pages of some cheap magazine. She quickly went ofer to the coffee counter and filled a 16 ounzes cup with coffee. Putting the pot back in its spot she grabbed for the French Vanilla cream.

"How many do you wanna put in there?" She was startled by the voice behind her. She quickly grabbed her pepper spray, turned around andsprayed it right in his face dropping the cup with her coffee in the movement. She heard him scream out in pain before she recognized him. The hot coffee hat hit him on his arm and he seemed to be in a great deal of pain, his eyes watering instantly as they came in contact with the spray.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry...I didn't expect anyone to be in here at this time of night." She exclamed, feeling terrible for hurting him.

"Well, you're out..." He replied matter-of-factly, trying to rub his eyes.

"Don't rub! It'll make it worse." She pointed out, handing him a tissue. "We should cool your arm." She added nodding to his right arm, still held close to his body for protection. Then she turned around to the teller, who seemed oblivious to the event in the store. "Do you have some ice, sir?" She called over to him, slowly making her way to the counter, Sully following close behind.

"Ice's out." He said without looking up, obviously thinking his magazine more interesting than real people.

"I'm sorry," She said turning around to Sully. "But I have ice in my appartement, if you don't mind. It's just two blocks from here. We can take my car." She offered wanting to undo what she had done to him.

"Seems as if I have no choice."

Michaela payed her coffee and her gas and they walked over to her car.

"You know what they say, about people who drive convertibles?" He asked grinning at her.

"No."

"They're free and you can't catch them." When he looked at her he saw that she was smiling slightly and he noticed how just the one side of her mouth was crooked up a little bit.

"So I guess you're the exception." He added pointing at the ring on her hand.

"What makes you think I was the one being caught?" She asked sarcastically with her eyes expectantly fixed on him, one of her eye brows lifted.

He looked at her for a moment and then started to chuckle lightly. She joined in his laughter and they drove some time in silence. Sully looked out the window, watching the few people out there. He jumped and was confused when she suddenly roke the silence.

"Who?" She asked not looking at him, but her eyes fixed on the road as she drove around the bend.

"What?" He was irritated now.

"Who's saying it?"

"Who's saying what?" He felt slightly annyoed at her lack of using words to properly explain what she wanted from him.

"Who's saying those things about people who drive convertibles?" She also felt annyoed but more by the fact that he seemed to have forgotten the conversation they just had.

"Is is important?" He gave back.

"Yes." She said pursing her lips.

"Why?" he wanted to know.

"Because I want to know." She lifted her head a little bit as if to let him know that she would get her answer no matter how. When he didn't seem to have the intention to give her the information she was seeking she tried again.

"So who?"

"Who what?" He answered already smiling to himself. She looked at him for just a moment then returned her gaze to the street.

"You made it up." She said.

"I made up what?"

"Oh forget I ever asked." He saw the stubborn look on her face and how her eyes had gleamed when he began to tease her and he thought it charming.

After several more moments they stopped in front of an appartement builing and she gestured him to leave the car so she could park it. He stepped out and watched her skillfully park her car in the tiny parking space and close its roof.

"You think it's gonna rain?" He asked.

"No, I think they're gonna steal it" she gave back imitating him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You always have that spray with you?" He asked mockingly.

"Well, considering the fact that possibly dangerous men are out at this time of night to surprise me at 7/11, I guess I'm very reasonable, don't you think?" She gave back, teasing him.

"So you think I'm dangerous?" He teased her back.

She turned around from her fridge and scanned him with an amused look. "Not anymore, I would say." She returned to his side and laid the ice on his arm, her body still shaking with laughter over her own joke.

"You're a feisty one, aren't you?" He queried.

"You were lucky the coffee wasn't too hot anymore." She told him, totally ignoring his comment. He smiled and not being able to resist teasing her once more he added.

"Good think you like French Vanilla cream...did you intend to stop after the 8^th one or were you gonna take one more before you spilled yourRocky Mountain Brew over me?"

"I don't know how you do it, but I get the impression you were standing there a little while longer than just a few seconds." She cast him a disapproving glance.

"I'm sorry." He realized he had gone too far with his little game and was kaming her uncomfortable. Thinking about it he could understand her. It couldn't feel to good to find that someone was watching her for a while.

"No harm done." She replied smiling again, not being able to resist his charming blue eyes as they seemed to stare right into her soul.

He couldn't resist to take a look around her appartement. It was neat and clean. Her cupboards were filled with books, but only the minority seemed to be for entertainment. There were heaps of books about medicine, one or more for what seemed ti him every single field. But what really caught his attention was a picture frame, laid face down. He turned around and listened carefully, making sure she was still searching that bandage before he picked the frame up and looked at the picture.

There was a young man, a little older than himself, probably even older than her. He was looking right into the camera and Sully couldn't shake the feeling that he had seem him before. He remembered the ring on her finger and wondered if this man was her fianc�. He heard a rustling and quickly put the frame back in its place, but when he turned around he realized he wasn't gast enough.

Mike was standing in the door with a puzzled look on her face. She walked over to the cupboard, picked the frame up and put it in a drawer nearby.

"You shouldn't snoop around in other people's appartements." She said with a shaky voice.

"Why did you..." He was too curious to stop the question from tumbling out of his mouth. She stared at him for a moment before she walked over to her couch and sat down. He followed her and lowered himself beside her.

"It's easier that way..." She stated as she began to wrap the bandage around his arm. He lifted his head to look at her and their eyes met as she raised her eyes in the exact same moment. Their eyes locked and neither one of them seemed to be able to break the contact.

"I should bring you back to your family." She said suddenly, scared of the moment and what might happen.

"I don't have a family." He replied a confused expression in his eyes. What made her think he had a family.

"But Abby and Hannah..." She started feeling at least as confused as he was.

"Ain't my family. I don't even know them." He interrupted her before she could jump to wrong conclusions. Her eyes shot back to his and she felt the hope rising in her chest, yet at the same time she was trying to suppress it, knowing she couldn't to this.

"But you were holding her hand." She whispered in a desperate attempt to control her racing heart beat.

"I wasn't, she was holding mine." He gave back.

"That's the same." She answered, glad to finally have found something to shift their attention on something else.

"Ain't." He said pulling back and looking at her, trying to understand what she was trying to do.

"It's the same to me." She lowered her head, knowing how she must sound.

"Still ain't the same." He was hurt by her words. Was she insinuating that he had feelings for Abby and trying to take advantage of her?

"Whatever." She wasn't willing to continue this ridiculous conversation, so she stood up and walked over to her kitchen. Agitated as she was she took an apple and started to cut it in pieces. Not paying any attention to her task, she cut herself in her finger, softly cursing herself and watching the blood drip on the piece she had just cut.

Sully heard her curse and went over to her to see what she was doing. He felt sorry for arguing with her and when he saw her blood on the board and on the knife he got scared. He rushed to her side, grabbing a paper towel in the process and pressed it on her wound. She looked up at him and then quickly lowered her head to her hand, securely held in his his.

When her eyes met his for a moment he thought he saw them glistening with tears. Not knowing if he had put them there or if there was more behind them, he suddenly felt the urge to apologize.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. She nodded and then added, "You should go."

He hesitated a moment but not wanting to make the situation worse than it was he turned around to the door and opened it. Ready to step outside he heard her voice again.

"Wait, where are you going?" She called after him, realizing that he was really going.

"I don't know."

"I can bring you home." She offered hoping to spend some moreminutes with him.

"I can't go home." He said his back still to her.

"Why not?" Her eyes darted back and forth from his hand on the open door to the back of his head, wishing him to turn around so she could see his face, see those blue eyes.

He took a deep breath before he turned around and met her gaze again.

"You don't wanna know." He simply said.

"How do you know?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know." He repeated.

"What if I do?" She wasn't willing to let him go before she knew why he couldn't go home.

"They're gonna look for me." He said, waiting for her reaction.

"Who?"

"The authorities."

"What did you do?" She waited for fear to grip her heart at the thought of why the authorities could be looking for him, but somehow she couldn't imagine him being a criminal and the fear just wouldn't rise.

"I deserted the army." His eyes bore into hers and he saw them cloud over with fear.

She had expected the fear, but not like this. It wasn't the fact that the authorities were probably looking for him, but that he deserted the army. He deserted the army.

"Did you see him?" She asked with a trembling voice.

He licked his dry lips before he answered, taking a moment to decide whether he should just tell the truth or say something that would give her hope. But the look on her face made the decision easy for him. He couldn't lie to her.

"I'm not sure. He seemed familiar, but after some time they all look the same." He said his head hanging low now.

She felt faint and moved back into her appartement to sit down on the couch and he followed her. She closed her eyes and didn't reopen them for a couple of minutes. He got worried that he had upset her too much and he thought it better to leave but he wasn't sure about it.

"I should go." He said softly, making her eyes shoot open and stare at him.

"Would you stay...please?" She pleaded. "I don't think I can be alone tonight." She didn't take the time to admister the consequences of her words. She just couldn't be alone.

He looked at her for some time, pondering his possebilities. He should go he knew that, but could he really leave her alone in her state of mind? He felt responsible for her distress so he slowly nodded.

"Thank you." She laid her hand on top of his and he carefully squeezed it. He didn't withdrew it. She was supposed to be touching his hand. This felt right to him, though he knew that there probably never could be more.

She looked at his hand and became suddenly aware what was happening here. She was no longer touching him, comforting him. He was touching her, comforting her. Her hands were holding on to him, like she had vowed to never to again. She quickly withdrew her hand from his grasp holding it with her other one.

"It's late." She stated using the first excuse to change the topic that she could find. "I'll bring you some blankets."

Sully watched her disppear in her bedroom and return a couple of minutes later with several blankets. She prepared the couch for him to sleep on in silence and Sully didn't dare to say anything else, not wanting to see the hurt or tears in her eyes again.

"Good night." She said softly when she was done and retreated to her own room, turning off the light and sliding under the blankets though it was too hot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Listening to the low ticking of the clock, Sully stared out into the starry night. He had long ago stopped counting the seconds pass by. He felt hot and wasn't used to that almost total silence, which made it seem eerie to him. As he once again turned around on the couch he thought he had heard something. He sat up and listened carefully. There it was again. He identified the sound as muffled crying coming from the direction of Mike's room.

He hesitated not knowing if he should go to her or if he should just stay where he was and ignore it. Though he knew he couldn't ignore it he decided to stay where he was. Whatever made her cry was personal and he had no business invading her privacy. So he turned around and laid the pillow over his ears.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There it was again. He couldn't possibly sleep like this. For over thirty minutes had he keot the pillow over his head so he wouldn't hear her cry, but it was too hot and sticky to sleep like this, so he had taken it down. But after several minutes her crying had started again, or had become aware of it again.

No way, was he able to ignore it any longer. He took his pillow and throwing it on the floor next to the couch he stood up ready to go to her door and knock. But when he once again scanned the room he remembered that it was totally clean and neat, so he took the pillow and put it back on the couch. Content with himself for considering this he finally made his way to her bed room door, and knocking twice he waited for her answer. But it never came, so he knocked again, the muffled answer following almost immediately. But he couldn't make out he intelligable words and knocked again slightly annoyed by now.

"Go away!" this time her voice was clear and loud. "Leave me alone!"

"I did that for at least an hour..." He complained, "and if you keep me from sleeping you can as well tell me why." He waited and when he didn't hear anything he already wanted to knock again, when the door knob turned and the door opened.

"What?" she asked with red and puffy eyes, obviously not caring that he saw her like this.

"You were crying so I should be the one asking what." He returned.

"That's none of your business, Mr ..." She stopped when she realized she didn't know his name.

"Sully."

"Well, that's none of your business Mr Sully." She said snippy.

"It's just Sully." He replied ignoring her repeated comment.

"Sully then, but it still isn't any of your concern."

"I think you made that quite clear."

"Good."

"Good." He imitated her, "I just thought you might wanna talk about it."

"Well I don't." She turned around and started to close the door when she suddenly hesitated and directed her glance back at him.

"Sully?" She asked in a softer voice.

"Yea?"

"Why did you...I mean...I hope you don't mind...but I wanted to ask you...well...." She was unsure whether to ask or not.

"Just let it out, I don't mind." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Why did you desert?" She regrettet having asked as soon as the question left her mouth and a shocked expression appeared on Sully's face.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked." She turned around once again and closed the door behind her letting a stunned Sully standing there

Warning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions about the war in Iraque. If you're sensible to those scenes start reading HERE...

He needed several moments to gather his thoughts and let her question sink in. He should have known she would ask sometime, but he hadn't been as prepared as he had thought. Why had he deserted? When he went home he had known for sure, but now he had to think very hard about it.

Why?

Then he suddenly remembered. It all came back to him in one fluid motion. That's what it was. That little question. Why? He couldn't answer himself why he had jioned the army in the first place. Later he couldn't explain why he was still there, why he kept on going with all those men when he already knew this war was unjust. He had wanted to be a hero, wanted to be greeted like all those war veterans before him. But once he had learned what that meant, what prize he had to pay for it he wasn't sure if he was willing to pay it anymore.

He knocked at her bed room door and didn't even need to wait very long before she reopened it. She had secretly been standing right behind the door waiting for him to move.When she heard him knock, she knew he would answer her question and she didn't waste any time answering his knock.

As soon as her face appeared at the small space between the wall and the door his mouth went dry and his hands started sweating. Maybe that was what he needed all along.

"I'm glad you asked." He offered her, wishing her to step out. Hearing him say that lifted a huge load from her heart. She hadn't wanted to hurt him in any way and his expression made her think she did. But she really needed to know why he deserted. So she let herself slip out of her room and walked over to the couch mentioning for him to join her.

Once he was sitting down she tucked her legs underneath her and made herself comfortable ready to listen to whatever he had to say. Sully felt her gaze bore right into his sould drawing the words out of his mouth without saying anything.

"I guess I never really knew why I joined. I mean, I never really thought about the reason. Maybe it was the reneral feeling among people that something needed to be done, the expecting expressions on their faces whenever they saw a strong, young man. They were willing to put all their trust in me, viewing me as a hero...and I didn't have anything else to do." He had thought about this more than just ince she could see it in the way he was telling it, how his feelings and destroyed hopes were reflected in his eyes.

"David said, he wanted to be a hero too. Always said he did it for his country, like his grandfather had done. But he never quite convinced me. I never believed that this war did any good for our country." She shrugged her shoulders as a sign he should go on.

"That David?" Sully nodded over to the drawer where the picture of her fianc� was hidden. She nodded.

"I begged him not to go. I was so scared I would lose him forever. But he said it would be selfish not to go just because we were scared." He watched her tell about her fianc� and silently wished he had had someone to stay or return to. Maybe he wouldn't have gone if someone like her had begged him not to.

"I was convinced everything was just and I did the right thing," He continued, "until I saw who we were fighting. Most of the time we saw children, women or old people. We didn't shoot them directly, God forbid, but they would send us out toplace bombs along the houses of a so-called "soldier village" and we would wait the night out, to see if everything was working fine." He shook his head, "I remember once, by the first light I saw this little girl running between the houses to get water. She was standing right next to one of the bombs when it expoded. I tried to get her away from it, but when I realized what was happening it was already too late. Daniel, a friend of mine, was holding me back so I would run right into the explosion and hurt myself or let the habitants know we were there."

Michaela was scanning his face as he was talking. This was definitely not what they showed in the news.

"When I first told them this was wrong, all they said was that we needed to hit them where it hurt the most. But I don't think it hurt those people, who train suicide pilots, in the least, that little kids and women die. Over a couple of weeks I have seen so many innocent people dying that I couldn't stand it anymore. I knew it was wrong and I still stayed and I knew all along that I wasn't brave for doing that. So I came back. Once I arrived home I realized I had nowhere to go because the authorities would look for me." When he finished he looked at her once again making sure she was still with him, but what he saw made his heart stop for a moment. She was crying so hard that her hand covered her mouth to suppress the upcoming sobs. She had oblivious to him and herself moved closer to him and was now slightly leaning against him, the quiet sobs racking her body and his.

"Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry." He tried to soothe her, but made a quiet cry escape her lips.

"I'm sorry." Was all she said in return. He wanted to comfort her and since the only way he could remember his mother comforting him was by laying his head in her lap, he motioned for her to do exactly the same, not even thinking about the possibility that she could refuse.

She hesitated a moment, the thought of how improper this was crossing her mind, but in her state of mind this was exactly what she needed. She didn't need propriety right now. So she let herself sink in the safe heaven of his lap and immediately closed her eyes. He started caressing her temples without even noticing and only when her hand grapsed his other one did he allow himself to look down at her and admire her angelic features.

Even with her red and puffy eyes she was beautiful and the slightly reddened skin around her nose looked cute to him. The light squeeze of her hand was so soft and loving that he suddenly knew for certain that she must be an angel. Not Hannah's angel, she came to him alone. To save him from his dark place.

"I wished he would come back every single night. I would cry myself to sleep. But he didn't come. That's why I needed to know why you deserted." She talked with her eyes closed and her voice made him snap back into reality. She opened her eyes an instant later and looked right into the crystal blue of his eyes.

He saw the flicker in her eyes and the myriads of different emotions playing across her features. He wanted to help her, understand her, but he didn't know how. This woman was doing something with him he couldn't control and before he knew it he was leaning into her.

She started trembling as she felt him closer to her than before. Time seemed to pass in slow motion and she could almost feel his lips on hers. She tried to suppress her feelings and when his lips had almost eliminated every space between them and she was breathing in the air he was breathing out, she lifted her hand and touched the red flesh of his lips with her index and middle fingers.

"Don't..." She whispered lowering her head and staring at her left hand. He followed her gaze and his shoulders slumped and his heart fell.

"I see..." He said flatly and as soon as she had lifted her head from his lap he stood up.