I'm not sure how long I've been unemployed now, but I know that it's been long enough to give me plenty of time to think about a lot of things. Mostly what a complete and total moron I am. I've done more stupid shit in my life than I care to recount. Half of it, the people reading will know about, but for those of you who don't know...I'm going to just be evil and not say.
I was sitting around this evening doing the same thing I do every night (yes, try to take over the world...MUHAHAHAHA) and I decided to go grab something to eat and watch a little TV. I go to watch some Trigun, but realize that today was Sunday and that it wasn't on tonight...I finished watching all the recorded episodes this morning so I just had to go find something else to occupy my mind until I finished eatting. I managed to find "Ghost In The Shell" in the last eight minutes or so of the movie (god I have bad timing...damn my timing...damn it to hell!!) so I watched "Empire" instead. This probably wasn't the best choice in the world for a few reasons...I shall now go on to explain.
Empire first came out on video/DVD in the movie rental places when I was still seeing Christian. I was over at his house one night after the whole fiasco with Steven occured and he mentioned his dad having rented it. We decided not to watch it, but "Ghost Ship" instead. I wish we hadn't...god that movie was horrible...argh. Reason #1 why I don't like watching Empire: It reminds me of the stupidity of my last few days with Christian (those were utterly pointless I tell you). Don't get me wrong, the man's my friend and all, but I think even he will admit that this portion of our relationship was stupid.
Hey, I think we all saw this coming...but the other reason I don't like watching it is because it reminds me of a certain 21 year-old manager. Well, I mean...just look at the main character of the movie: a Puerto Rican man named Victor. There's more similarities, but I don't think anyone but me would get them since none of my friends really knew him at all. I don't like thinking about Victor. It makes me feel utterly and completely ignorant. I feel like such an idiot for having believed him. I should have sensed something wrong from the get-go though. No matter how you look at it, there was no way he and I could have been "right" in someone or another's eyes. We''ll take a look at the most obvious of these: He's 21 and I'm 17. The law would definately see somthing wrong with this picture, as would my parents had I told them. Another reason why it could have been considered "wrong": he was probably just using me until he could get back together with his exgirlfriend (this is not to say that I slept with him...I thank god I didn't everyday...). Yet another would be that we were wroking together when most of this occured and the sexual tention was a distraction, "wrong" in our employer's eyes. Probably the biggest reason why it was "wrong" in MY eyes: I still loved Kevin so much. I think the only reason I ever even considered Victor was because he was there, he was older (I thought he was more mature too, but eh...you win some, you loose some), and he was willing to help me (or at least he was before he started getting these ideas in his head that he was going to get sex out of me....). I really feel like a fool for having trusted him. The movie just seems to remind me of that....
Lastly, the reason I don't like watching "Empire" is because it reminds me all too much of how crappy my city is. I live in the better side of it, but I've been in and stayed in the "ghetto" portion on more than one occasion. The fact that I know what the characters are all saying (even when speaking in "slang"), depresses me. I can't wait until I move out of this city...maybe I'll move to Waco...where I can hide out in the Wal*Mart and wait for Victor's sorry ass to come in and just jump him....MUHAHAHAHA. I'll hire a linch mob or something. I'll be the Godmother. Yes....yess....
Well, I believe I'm done with my rant for now. Until next time kiddos, be sure to eat your green beans, they're good for you. ^_^
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