| Welcome to the Continuing Saga of |
| As the Tummy Turns! |
 |
| As the pendulum swings, so does the tummy turn�okay, for that to make any sense, I suppose you will have to read this next episode. And even then, I am not so sure it will make any sense, but here goes�
I have decided I have wasted enough time being bitter about what cannot and should not be in my attempts to avoid being hurt. I have been over Paul for a very long time, but afraid to admit it. Holding onto his friendship was a way to avoid starting over with someone new. As soon as someone heard we were still friends, they assumed we were still seeing each other romantically. He was my security blanket, hiding me from the world until I was ready to face it�the unavailable Michael just added to that security; giving me companionship while at the same time allowing me to shut out those who cared enough about me to free themselves from that which hindered them, in order to be with me. If there is one thing I have learned, it is this: If someone truly loves you, they will make time for you � not excuses as to why they can�t be with you. We, as humans, make up excuses and put up walls in order to keep people out until we are ready to face them�yet we don�t realize that while we aren�t looking, those familiar faces may change. Too often, these are changes we refuse to accept; and so we waste more time walking down the wrong path, if for no reason other than the fact that it is the familiar path. Right now, I am taking time to study the paths before me�and I am taking my time in doing so because I am afraid that if I take the wrong path I may not be able to recognize the right path when it is presented to me � pushing it away, for fear it is just a temptation that will take me from my goal; when truly it is there to take me to my goal. And what is that goal? It is different for everyone�I recently met someone who�s goal was to meet a man who loved her more than she loved him. That way, she rationalized, he would never cheat on her or leave her for another woman. He would spoil her in his attempts to make her love him, as he loves her. But that isn�t my goal�because I know he�ll leave me for someone who does love him, as he deserves to be loved� Nor is it my goal, as one man assumed, to meet someone exactly like me so we never argue about anything, thus assuring we will always be happy�because the only thing that assures is that I will get bored with him� Nor is it my goal to meet an older, wealthy millionaire who will take care of me; because then I will feel kept, instead of independent�and I will most surely leave him� Nor is it my goal to meet some toy boy 10 years my junior who has the energy to keep up with me; because then I will start to feel my age � physically, maybe; but most definitely intellectually�and then I will look down upon him. It is my goal to meet a man who can make me laugh. I know that sounds simple; but if you have ever tried to make me laugh, you know how difficult it really is. A man who can make me laugh is someone who can understand me. Who wasn�t afraid to get to know me, insecurities and all, and decided that they still liked to be around me because there is something special about me. A man I have continued to reach out for because there is something special about him. I have found that a man who can make me laugh is someone who doesn�t give up easily � on people, or on life in general. He is someone who can find humor in everyday foibles; who can be the first to laugh at himself and the last to laugh at others; who knows that humor can go a long way in making a hard task a lot easier. And as we all know, relationships can be difficult. Without humor, I find them impossible. But most importantly, a man who can make me laugh is a man who knows what makes me laugh. And when. Knows that there are topics that I may joke about with my girlfriends that are off-limits to those of the male persuasion. He knows that there are things that only my brother can get away with saying to me. And he knows that there are times when a joke isn�t appropriate, and that what I need are his arms around me in a silent embrace. A man who can make me laugh is a man who is sensitive to my needs without being a �sensitive man� (bleeeych!). A wise woman recently told me that the longer I avoid the dating pool, the colder the water is going to feel when I finally decide to jump into it. So here I go�CANNONBALL!! |