Wonderful
AUTHOR: Lucky.
DISCLAIMER: Except for the creations of the author, all characters, characterizations, situations, and locations described in this unsolicited and not-for-profit work of fiction are the property of ABC Television, Capitol Cities, Inc., Steven Bochco Productions, the many talented people who created the world of NYPD Blue, and the actors who have made that world such a lively place. The author would also like to extend her personal gratitude to Mr. Scott Cohen for his light, his vitality, his inspiration, and for being such a compelling muse. Thank you, sir.
FEEDBACK: To Lucky
It's raining... It's always raining, isn't it. Harry turned up to a ghost-gray sky and closed his eyes, feeling the cold kisses of almost spring promise him as they fell on his face.
I wasn't supposed to be here again.
"Harry..." Her voice broke through his thoughts as she leaned over the passenger seat of her car at him. "I know you're going to miss the staff here, but sending them a card is probably a better way to show them than giving yourself pneumonia."
He regarded her blankly, wondering why she hadn't abandoned him yet, then pulled himself into the car, dragging his bag in after him.
Diane took the now-wet daybag and slung it into the back seat of her car, wiping her hands on the thighs of her pants. Turning to inspect him, she brushed at the few strands of damp hair falling into his eyes, sighing quietly as they fell back regardless. "Even your hair is stubborn."
His response was to shake his head a little, bringing his bangs decisively down over his brows, and lean back in the seat with a grumble. "Maybe for you."
Diane took some offense at his quick reply, flopping herself around rightways and putting the car in gear. "Why are you always like this, Harry?"
"That's a very interesting question, Diane. Why don't you tell me?"
She couldn't help but bang her palm on the wheel as she guided the car out of the hospital parking lot and into daytime traffic. "Because I don't know, Harry!" she snorted. "Maybe I don't know why you act like you have vinegar instead of blood in your veins whenever anyone offers you the slightest bit of friendship."
She heard his head turn against the headrest, but didn't look over. "The slightest bit?" he echoed her. "Is that all this is to you? Just... nothing?"
Her response was only a mumbled utterance.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"No, Harry! I said no, okay?"
He dropped a beat in silence, then answered her with a bitter, "Brilliant."
She lost it. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Is this just another one of your Harry Denby things? 'Let's see how many new gray hairs we can put on Russell today'? Do you honestly think I'm gonna let you put me through the ringer again?!"
He matched her angry volume. "No! See, this is the problem, Diane..."
"Oh, what's my problem now?" she spat, rolling her head in disgust. "I don't believe you! Are you seriously just gonna drool on me again?!"
"You need to learn to listen a little less selectively," he growled, folding his arms across his chest with a little wince.
"Yeah, selectively," she stormed back at him, punching the power button for her radio. "How about I select something other than you."
The song filled the car only long enough for Diane to recognize it and select to turn it back off with a nasty peck.
"... Feels like the first kiss..."
A mushy love song was just about the last thing she wanted to hear right now.
Again, she heard Harry's head rub against the seat as he turned to look at her. This time, she glanced over at him with a full measure of iced anger in her eyes. He simply looked at her, and she felt her expression melt to match his.
Hurt.
Not hurt. Injured.
She waited for a moment, tearing her attention between him and the road ahead. Finally, she found her voice.
"What?"
In her periphery, she saw his hand reach for the stereo controls.
"So if you're feeling lonely, don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good,
so if I love you a little more than I should
Please forgive me
I know not what I do
Please forgive me
I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me
this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
if I need you like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me
I can't stop loving you..."
Harry turned the radio off again, but said nothing. After a few beats of silence, Diane was compelled to look over at him. He was looking out at the blank gray above the window with a hand over his mouth. As she looked, she thought she saw something about him move, but dismissed it as a trick of light and rain.
Then she saw the tiny dark circle seep into the blue of his jeans.
"Harry..?"
His lashes fluttered over his profile as he turned just a little in response to his name.
"Are you alright?"
"No."
Diane sighed and thought about that for a second, then took a quick glance around to see where she was. Without a word, she made the quick right that would take them back to her apartment rather than on to his.
He didn't miss it. "Where are we going?"
"Home."
The remainder of the ride was spent in silence, with Diane sneaking glances at the back of Harry's head from time to time. The dark spot on his thigh had invited more of its like along the way, and she was honestly afraid that she might be making a trip back to the hospital before too long.
As she pulled into her favored parking space behind her building, he roused himself, turning without meeting her eyes, and retrieved his bag from the back seat with an involuntary whine of pain.
"Easy, Harry," she offered in a gentle voice. "Maybe I should carry..."
"Don't bother yourself," he grumbled, popping his door open and getting out of the car. Diane sighed and opened her own door, swinging her legs out of the well just in time to hear the part of his thought he hadn't meant to offer her slide across the roof of her car.
"It's only me, right?"
Diane dropped her head between her knees, suddenly feeling sick and spinny, terrified and hopeless.
I'm Harry.. "I'm Harry..." she whimpered, starting to lose time.
"No, I'm..." His voice floated conversationally from the front of the car, then raced towards where she sat. "Diane? Diane, what's wrong?" She just barely noticed the corner of his bag in her sightline as he slung it to the ground and knelt beside her. "What's going on?"
Not thinking at all, she fell from the car and onto her knees on the cold concrete with him. I'm Harry... In every way I thought he was, I'm Harry. She could feel the little pebbles and edges in the pavement dig into her palms as she leaned heavily on them, waving around her open, blind eyes. "Harry... Harry..." She couldn't see, couldn't find him past the wall of wet light before her eyes. She reached out to where she thought he was, somehow just knowing that he wouldn't be there now.
But there he was.
And in an instant, the standing wall of light became a falling wall of black as he pulled her in, pressing her eyes against the crook of his neck, running through her soul with his voice, his hands, the gentle sway of his body as he begged her to be okay, to be Diane again.
It's always raining, isn't it...
Continued in Part 10.
