latest-funnys



			useless facts by age 10 the average american kid has worn down over 750 crayons a starfish is the only living animal that has a stomach on the outside 1/4 of L.A is taken up by cars ancient egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn for their dead cats many hamsters only blink one eye at a time there are 253 ways to make change for a dollar texas is the only state that can raise its state flag as high as the u.s flag rubber bands last longer when refridgerated peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynomite a shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes there are more chickens in the world than people kermit the forg is left handed a golf ball ussualy has 335 dimples a average person falls asleep in seven minutes on average 100 people choke on ball point pens each year its impossible to sneeze with your eyes open

		Top 20 Funny Things to Do at a Drive-Thru 1. Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order 2. Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for. 3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window. 4. Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. 5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped. 6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in. 7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on. 8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 9. Ask how they fit into that little box. 10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 11. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?" 12. When asked if they can take your order say "No, why can I take yours?" 13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 14. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away. 15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. 16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. 17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. 18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it. 19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare. 20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

	Top 30 Funny Things to Do to Annoy the Pizza Man 1. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Tell the order taker that a rival pizza joint is on line two-and you're going with the lowest bidder. 3. Ask for the crust on top this time. 4. Don't just name the toppings of your choice. S-P-E-L-L them out. Slowly. 5. Say, "Hello." And then act stunned for five seconds. Behave as if the pizza person called you. 6. Ask if you get to keep the box. When they say, "Yes," give a huge sigh of relief. 7. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead. 8. When you call, tell the pizza guy that you need to see a menu. 9. Order two toppings, then say, "Oh no! They'll start fighting, I better stick to just one." 10. Ask if the pizza is organically grown. 11. When he/she repeats your order say, "Again, with a little more OOOOMPH! this time." 12. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry." 13. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation." 14. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, and PUCE. 15. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica. 16. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." 17. Tell the order taker you're a little bummed out. Get him/her to cheer you up. 18. Change your accent every three seconds. 19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. 20. Start your order with "I'd like" A little later, slap yourself and say,"No, I don't." 21. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. 22. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs. 23. Eliminate verbs from your speech. 24. Ask for the guy who took your order last time. 25. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." 26. Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and-action!" 27. After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff. 28. Say, "Kssssssssssssht," rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that. 29. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it. 30. Put him or her on hold

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in adual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Hoarse Schitt. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. Family History Recorded By Crock O. Schitt. So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.

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