Hogwarts School Song Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, Teach us something, please, Whether we be old and bald Or young with scabby knees, Our heads could do with filling With some interesting stuff, For now they're bare and full of air, Dead flies and bits of fluff, So teach us things worth knowing, Bring back what we've forgot, Just do your best, we'll do the rest, And learn until our brains all rot.

   Over a thousand years ago, the four greatest witches and wizards of the age shared a dream, to create a school where young people of the Wizarding World could study and be trained in the magical arts they needed to become skilled, fully-trained Wizards. These four great Wizards each founded one of the houses of the school that they worked together to form: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They have been referred to as The Hogwarts Four.

These four were Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, Salazar Slytherin. Each of them started their own house to teach the students that had the values that they thought were best.

Gryffindor House was founded by Godric Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat states that Gryffindor came from the moors. He believed that anyone who showed magical ability should be allowed to attend Hogwarts. People who are brave at heart, sometimes foolishly so if you ask me, are usually sorted into Gryffindor. In Harry's second year, he pulled Godric's sword from the sorting hat to defeat the Heir of Slytherin's Basilisk. Later that week, the Slytherins held a funeral for the poor beast. It was only doing its job.

Helga Hufflepuff founded the Hufflepuff House. Now I have nothing against Hufflepuffs, but I find them to be, well, dull and boring. I mean they are known for being patient, loyal, and hard working. That's all they have going for them. I feel sorry for them. They couldn't play a decent game of quidditch if their lives depended on it. Ok, Cedric had been decent at playing, but went and got himself snuffed out, by being noble. You'd never see a Slytherin being that foolish. And personally I think Trelawney was a Hufflepuff. She's dull like that, too.

The Ravenclaw House was named after it's founder, Rowena Ravenclaw. She held in the highest regard those who were clever and studious. Which means they wouldn't know what fun was if it bit them in the arse. Sure they're really smart and all, but that's it. That's all they have, but they are better then the poor Hufflepuffs. They are good people to go to when you need help with your homework. If you can stand their stuck up attitude.

Then there is the Great Slytherin House, which was founded by the visionary, Salazar Slytherin. According to the Sorting Hat, he came from the fen. He believed that only pure-blood Witches and Wizards should be allowed to attend Hogwarts. Salazar got into an argument with Godric Gryffindor about this and eventually left the school. Slytherin built a secret chamber somewhere in Hogwarts that only his true heir would be able to open. This chamber, called The Chamber of Secrets, contained a monster that would finish his purpose of killing all the Muggle-born students at Hogwarts. Unfortunately, Potter managed to kill the basilisk and defeat the memeory of Tom Riddle. Slytherin was a Parseltongue as is Tom Riddle and Potter. Salazar valued in his students, a shrewd, cunning intellect and great ambition. Slytherins want to get somewhere in their lives. Preferably someplace we can look down at all others. We're known as the evil house of the four. Just because we've tossed out a few bad wizards, doesn't mean you should label the whole house for it. It's an unfair judgment. And just because we have the smarts to grab power where we can get it.

Hogwarts is hidden away from Muggle eyes. The castle is bewitched so that if a Muggle looks at it, all they see is a moldering old ruin with a sign over the entrance saying DANGER, DO NOT ENTER, UNSAFE. The castle is huge, rambling, and quite scary-looking if you are a Hufflepuff. It has a jumble of towers and battlements.

The castle is located atop a cliff overlooking a lake. The lake is to the south of the castle and the front foors face to the west. There is a small underground inlet, it's entrance covered with hanging ivy, that leads to a stony beach below the castle at the base of the cliff. From here, a path leads up to the front door of the castle. A road runs around the lake to the village of Hogsmeade, where the railway station is located.

The grounds are bloody huge, meaning it's a long walk to get to where you need to go. The main entrance gate is flanked by pillars on which stand statues of winged boars. Everytime I pass those statues, I laugh. Only this place would have something as silly as statues of winged boars.

Inside, there are about a hundred and forty-two staircases at Hogwarts: wide, sweeping ones; narrow, rickety ones; some that lead somewhere different on a Friday; some with a vanishing step halfway up that you have to remember to jump. Why the hell Hogwarts has so many stairs is beyond me.

Then there are doors that won't open unless you ask politely; which, by the way, pisses off alot of Slytherins. Why would we ask politely if we can just blow up the door? Anyway, there are doors you have to tickle them in exactly the right place to get to open. There are doors that aren't really doors at all, but solid walls just pretending. That squib, Longbottom, keeps forgetting that and will walk into one of them repeatingly. It's very entertaining.

It is also very hard to remember where anything is, because it all seems to move around a lot. The people in the portraits keep going to visit each other, and most students are pretty sure the coats of armor can walk. One Hufflepuff had to be taken to St. Mungo's because he grew paranoid after being follow by one of the suits the whole school year. The dumb prat must have forgotten that he is a wizard and had a wand. Like I said before, Hufflepuffs are pretty worthless.

The Hogwarts kitchens are located directly below the Great Hall and are just the same size. They have high ceilings and a great brick fireplace at one end. Mounds of brass pots and pans are heaped around the walls. There are preparation tables directly below the four house tables in the Hall above, and when the time comes for the food to be served, it is magically transported through the ceiling of the kitchen onto the plates. The kitchens are staffed by a large number of house elves. To get to the kitchens, you have to take the door to the right of the main staircase in the entrance hall. You follow the corridor until you come to a painting of a bowl of fruit. Then you tickle the pear, and it giggles becoming a door handle. Just don't ask me why it giggles.