Paralysis
My incapacity for hate
leaves me instead
with a great dark hole
where once there flourished
something about love
A beautiful little story
had begun, once upon a time,
and I let myself believe
in a happier ending.
But, ending there was.
Miscommunication, mixed up
messages about who we really were
tangled in emotions
confusing to our hearts
We slipped apart, uneasy in
the shadows of past lives
which we couldn't or wouldn't share...
good-bye was right there
but we couldn't even say it
or acknowledge that finality
choosing instead a slower death.
Did we mean it, the clinging
the melding of heat & sweat
words said in passion's presence
perhaps not meant for cooler clime
or for two separated by chronology
and geography, and other things
not ever mentioned - those shadows
crawling in the spaces between.
I used to feel such peace
emanating from you - you steadied
the more volatile churnings within me
and now, you have become
their stimulus... I am afraid.
Youth and Age met once
in something about love
was it meant to span this weather
the rifts which inevitably arise
when things go on past comfort
My spirit feels emptier now
without your reassurance, yet
I feel impetus to go on with life
missing you with a ferocity
I cannot belie...
I loved you so.
k.e.cline, 9/19/99
for Nathan