THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!
(Look, PMS happens....)
1 . Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard
to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with, once you people learn
to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out o fmy mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word
you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young & stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent & vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconception I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique
point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an
artist.
18. Any connection beween your reality and mine is purely
coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just being insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with flourescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more free service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
31. I'm tring to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
39. I'm sorry, I was ignoring you. Were you talking to me?
40. Please don't send it to me on paper; voice mail is easier to "file".
