(part 1 of 2)

The Roadhouse – it all begins here.  To call upon the Starbearer you must master his realm, cleansing it of evil while gathering the fragments of his shattered armor as you go.  You'll grow more powerful with each piece, until you've fully evoked the wrath of the old ones.  Unfortunately, the soulless spawn guard these artifacts jealously.  Go now avatar, I will aid you in whatever way I can.

Your journey will begin in the Roadhouse, the type of place where guys have longer hair than their women and everyone has a Harley Davidson tattoo.  Some on their forehead.    Madame Raven will speak to you right off the bat, telling you to go upstairs and arm yourself.  Sure enough, near the edge of the loft is Pablo's melee weapon, the Thornblade, along with the Elder's Gauntlets.

  Before heading down the stairs, take a running leap off of the loft onto the metal pipes near the ceiling fan.  Walk the pipes to the wall to grab a Rose.  Nothing better than starting off the game with an extra 100 HP!

Descend back down the stairs and use your new blade to slice through the fencing over the bar.  Dive over the bar like you were one of the rowdy regulars and flip the switch on the wall.   A door opens and your first swarm of Headless pony up to the bar.  Chop them down with the Thornblade, grab the health tubes if necessary, and jump back over the bar.

Opposite the bar, down the small hallway next to the stage is a jukebox.  Give yourself some tunes to listen to while you hack and slash through your first few Headless.  Be sure to double back to the juke when the song's over to pick up the ammo that will appear.  Open the door nearest the jukebox, admire yourself in the mirror for a moment, and then grab the ammo from the floor.

Across from the stage, near the picnic table, is a door to a closet.  Go in and grab the pamphlet and health flask.  Journey down the hallway opposite the stage.  Smash the wooden crates around the bend, past the locked door, to reveal a Jack-in-the-Box.  Go through the next door to the storage room.  Bludgeon the Headless that attack from the right.  Collect the Black Diamonds and other goodies from the shelving and then open the door to the small room.  Grab the Pamphlet but don't worry about not being able to reach the Key for now.  You'll drop in from the top ledge soon enough.

Begin up the spiral staircase in the other room.  Kill the Headless and grab the Jack-in-the-Boxes and health vial if need be.  Proceed ahead into the next area, smashing the boxes and killing the Headless that leap out.  Swipe your blade at the yellow electrical panel to open the door.  Go inside and collect the hidden bounty (don't miss the Hawk Eyes nearest the window) but be sure not to fall through the holes.  Oh, sure, you could finish the first part of the mission in record time, but what fun would that be?!  Remember to return to this area when you get a gun.  That way you'll have the range to shoot out the stained glass lantern and get the ammo it drops.

Dozens of Headless will be emanating from two Spawners ahead (think Gauntlet).  When the doors on your left open, run in and crush the generator.  Head to the back of the room and grab the Zero Cannon.  If you took too much damage in that exchange, be sure to return to the bar and stage downstairs to grab some health.

Now head for the second Spawner around the corner.  Shoot it up and grab the extra ammo and health flask, as well as the Black Diamonds.  Behind a now open door along the wall across the room is a hole in the floor.  Drop down to collect a huge bounty in ammo, Jack-in-the-Boxes and health.  Just over the ledge is the Key.  As you move towards the ledge two Headless will leap up at you.  Frag them with your Zero Cannon and carefully drop down onto the Key.

 Although you now have the key and can exit the Roadhouse, don't do it.  There's still another Secret to find, along with some more items.  Go back up the spiral stairs to the room with the holes in the floor; the one you had to access by destroying the electrical panel.  Carefully run off the ledge into the hole in the floor away from the stained glass window.  With some luck you will not fall through the hole directly below you, but will land on the middle floor, in an area you have not seen yet.  Kill the Headless and jump onto the pipes.  Work your way around to the right to find the second secret and the rest of the items.

Jump down off the pipes, open the door with the Key, and enter the last hallway.  Stand back and shoot the oil drums to blast open the door.  Don't take that breath of relief yet, your only half done with this mission.
 

(part 2 of 2)

 The second armor shard is far more elusive.  In the depths of the city lies the Indigo Palace, where a twisted foe awaits your challenge.  Once the second shard is yours, you will be able to enter the docks, where the golden mirror will guide your way to safety.

Step out of the Roadhouse and into the streets.  A couple of mini T-rex's called Stumps will attack from the alleyway to your right.  The Stumps, unlike the Headless, have a ranged firebomb attack as well as an up close bite.  You'll want to strafe side to side as you gun them down.  Gather up the ammo along the wall, not missing the one behind the ductwork in the corner by the water.  Kill the Headless throughout the area and gather up all the items you see fit.  Make note of where the sign for the Docks is, you'll be going there once you're better prepared.

Head back to the wall nearest the Roadhouse and make your way down the alleyway to the next open area.  Things are going to seem pretty chaotic at first as swarms of Headless, Stumps, and Batwings will be coming for you time after time.  Across from where you enter the area is a shed.  Open the door, grab the Pamphlet, and remember where the Key is.  Once you acquire the second shard of armor your jumping ability will be much better so don't be discouraged about your lack of ups.

The main area has several health potions on the fence posts, as well as a Rose at the end of the walkway.  Don't take them until you absolutely need to.  And trust me, you'll need to.  As you move towards the staircase at the far end Headless will leap out of the windows from the warehouse.  Light 'em up and head down the stone steps.

Shooting on the move, blow your way through the Stumps and grab the items to the right.  Head through the small opening left of the stairs and make a dash for the water.  Collect all of the ammo from the two tunnels as well as the deep sections of the pool.  Climb out via the ladder and take cover under the building ahead.  Kill the creatures, grab the items, and definitely grab the Magma Cannon in the orange lit alcove.  Keep a close on your ammo reserves with this one, as it drain 4 ammo points per squeeze of the trigger.  Leave the area and head up the stairs near the billboard.

Once in the red brick building, grab the health and the Hawk Eyes and shoot out the lantern for more ammo.  Continue ahead, out of the building and onto the platform.  Using the Zero Cannon, push straight ahead for the Spawner,  With less Stumps being produced, you'll be able to explore a little better.  Return towards the red brick structure and take the ammo to the left of the stairs.  Now, drop down off the walkway onto the ground and explore the area.

Continue grabbing all of the ammo and health you can carry, all the while massacring anything that moves.  There are two small openings on the ground level: one under the upper platform and a second across from the wooden doors of the Indigo Palace.  Clear the area of spawn and grab the items from under the platform and amongst the crates in the corner.  Now head for the crawl space opposite the Indigo Palace doors and flip the switch.

The doors to the Palace open and two Blademasters instantly attack.  Take them down in HP with the Zero Cannon, and then switch to your Thornblade to finish them off.  Weave back and forth as you move in for the kill with the Thornblade to prevent being hit.

With the Blademasters out of the way, move to the rear of the palace and grab the second piece of the armor.  Grab the Pamphlet and the ammo and then turn your crosshair on the beautifully constructed stained glass windows.  Blowing them to pieces will reward you with a shower of ammo.  Leave the Palace.

Now, with the help of the second armor fragment, leap up to grab that bundle of ammo you couldn't reach earlier.  Don't forget the Jack-in-the-Box in the corner!  Now you can head for the Docks.  Just remember to grab the Key from the shed first.

Under the sign for the Docks is a skull.  "Use" the skull and a Black Diamond will appear.  Grab it!

Head down the stairs leading to the Docks.  Blow apart the Spawner and the Stumps it continuously produces.   Pick up all of the ammo tablets and the pamphlet.  Head down the next set of stairs and use the key to unlock the gate.

Round the corner to your right and hold onto the trigger.  Strafe left to right while mowing down the attacking Stumps.  Craw under the water tower to grab the items.  Now, jump down into the water to the right.  Pick up all of the ammo and climb the ladder to the very top.

 On the ledge high above the water tower is the third and final secret spot.  As soon as you get to the top of the ladder turn around and start firing. Some marauding Stumps got to get put down first.  Grab the Hawk's Eye and the Pamphlet and then leap down behind the water tower.

With the area clear of baddies, run to the edge of the wooden walkway and flip the switch to open the doors to the next area.  You'll be faced with several threats to your safety as you go through the doorway so you better keep moving.  Headless, Stumps, and the first boss will be gunning for you right from the get-go.   Grab the ammo from against the far wall and dive into the water.  Kill the Stumpy on the far ledge and then pick up the ammo from the water.  Swim under the wooden walkway to find more ammo.

Arachniclown has a powerful laser blast that can do tremendous damage.  Here's a tip on beating him without: 1) ever getting hit, and 2) never even having to move.  Position yourself in the water just out from under the wooden planking.  Face the hallway where Arachniclown paces back and forth and watch for the shadows of his movements.  Keeping your crosshair on the center window, fire your Magma Cannon whenever you see a flash of movement.  Your shot will find its way through the barred window and into the belly of the 8 legged beast.

With Arachniclown out of the way, climb out of the water, grab any health that you might need and run up the ramp.  A few last Headless will attack at the top of the ramp.  Dispatch them as quickly as they appear and grab the items and open the door.  Proceed down the ramps to the mirror at the bottom.  This mirror will transport you to your next mission.

(part 1 of 3)

 Do not be deceived by the apparent calm of this place.  There is more to the city square than meets the eye.  Unlock the library and make your way past the colossal volumes of lore.  You must master the flow of the fountain to snuff out the flame and reveal the labyrinthine belly of the city.  It is only through this that you will find and pass through the looking glass.

Pain Plaza begins with a slow elevator ride down into an abandoned building complete with debris, dilapidated walls, and of course, plenty of spawn.  Proceed ahead through the hallway past the first room on the right and around the bend.  Three Headless are around the corner.  This is a great time to practice your aiming.  Take well aimed precise shots at them, conserving your ammo for the upcoming assaults.  Continue on until you reach the impassable pile of debris.  Not a wasted trip mind you, the Black Diamonds and Jack-in-the-Box will come in handy soon enough.

Return the way you came, this time entering the room on your left.  Grab the items and blast away the two breakable crates.  The one on the upper ledge will release a Headless.  Blast him and crawl through the space to the next room.  Again you must shoot the crate and the Headless within it.  Jump down, grab the Jack-in-the-Box and get ready for some action.

Down the stairs to the right is a Spawner.  It's going to be tough but resist the urge to run down the stairs and crush it.  For as soon as you make a move down the steps three Stumps attack from your rear.  Who knows where they came from, but turn around and waste them.  Now go ahead and put away the Headless and the Spawner from which they are generated.

If you've dipped below 100 HP, retrace your steps to pick up the Health Vial near the start of the mission.

Begin down the spiraling staircase and take a running jump over the white plasma being shot across the stairs.  Use your Black Diamonds to enter the Rage State, you're going to need this boost of aggression.  As soon as you round the corner and enter the next hallway all hell breaks loose.  Two side rooms, one on each side, each have a Spawner generating an endless stream of Stumps.  Run and jump down the hall to the Spawner in the room on the right.  Use the Magma Cannon to obliterate it and grab the Black Diamonds along the wall.  Switch back to the Zero Cannon and backpedal to grab the health flasks in the far end of the room.  Keep firing and strafing until there is a lull in the number of Stumps attacking you.  Switch back to the Magma Cannon and  head back down the hall to destroy the other Spawner.  Grab the ammo along the far wall before leaving.

Pick up the item at the end of the hall and follow the corridor ahead until you see the Spawner.  As was the case earlier, three Stumps attack from behind.  No ones got your back, so you better turn around and cover your rump from that Stump!   The Stumps are right on you so go ahead and gib them with the Thornblade.  Stay with the blade and hack your way to the Spawner.  With the last enemy destroyed, the gate to the left will open, allowing access to the next area.  Grab the Pamphlet and Health Flask behind the Spawner before you move on.

Enter the next area to be introduced to the fifth enemy to make an appearance in the game, the disgusting Gasbag.  Head directly to the far left corner for the ammo.  In addition to the three Gasbags hovering in the center, two Stumps will emerge on the far balcony.  Take out the Stumps first, switch to the Magma Cannon and blast the disgusting Gasbags.  The Gasbags will upchuck some sort of rebounding vomitory goo at you.  Keep on the move, watch for the rebounds and you should be ok.

Run down the spiral stairs to the bottom floor, picking up the Health Flask and Jack-in-the-Box along the way.  Behind the counter is another Health Flask and a switch.  Flip the switch to open the gate above, gaining access to the next shard of the armor.  As soon as you do, two Gasbags and a slew of Headless drop down to greet you.  Circle the room blasting the Headless, all the while dodging the spewing nastiness from the Gasbags.  As soon as the last Headless is limbless, bust out the Magma Cannon and pop a very big cap in the two other baddies in the room.  Pick up the ammo they drop and return to the upper level.

Grab the Belt and take the lift downstairs.  There's no going back now.

Step off the lift ready to do battle as you will be instantly swarmed by Headless.  Conserve your precious ammo by using the Thornblade to dismember them limb by bloody limb.  A pair of Stumps will emerge near the steps once the last Headless is in a pile of guts.  Dance around near the bar, dodging their blasts of fire.  One by one, they will grow anxious and charge you.  Gib them with the Thornblade when they do.  Approach the stairs.

 Under the small staircase is an alcove containing several Black Diamonds.  Crawl under the steps to find this secret.

Head up the stairs, grab the Health Flasks, and enter the control room.  Jump onto the pipes to reach the ammo in the corner of the room.  Jump back down and turn the wheel.  This will raise the fence on the ledge, allowing you to finish the first part of Pain Plaza.  But, before you go, you must defeat the Blademaster.  Dodge his initial attack and rush him, swinging the Thornblade mercilessly.  Finish him off and leave the area through the opening.

(part 2 of 3)

As you begin to climb the ramp, three Headless drop in to say hi.  At the top of the ramp turn around and grab the items behind you on the ledge.  Among them is the Pamphlet that details the Black Diamond.  Continue down the hallway and make a left.  In the courtyard ahead as an Arachniclown.  Using the Thornblade, circle around it until it shoots its lightning rays.  Immediately after, move in and swing twice.  Then circle around again and again until its dead.  Grab the ammo it drops as well as the ammo and health along the wall.  For your sake, these past couple of Health Flasks should be unnecessary.  You'll need them soon enough.

Head up the step to the fountain (Don't jump in looking for pennies!!!), switch to your gun of choice, and head towards the alleyway on the left.  Behind the wall to the left is a Spawner generating Headless, and down the alley ahead and to the right, is another one spewing forth Stumps.  If you keep near the fountain, the Stumps will not detect you and you'll be able to clear them out one at a time.  At the end of a path opposite the first Spawner is another Pamphlet.

Once your no longer under fire, you can grab the items above the hanging lanterns by jumping off of the fence posts near the stairs.  The door here is locked, you will return once you collect the key.

Return back to the cobble stone street below the fountain.  To the far left, down a pathway is a Stump guarding some more ammo.  Get it and then head to the path under the green archways.  Run ahead collecting all of the Black Diamonds, for a Blademaster will begin throwing his flaming circular saw blades at you.  After getting the last of the items, return to face the Blademaster.  Using the Magma Cannon, stay on the move and fire right after he does.  Once he's finished, move on ahead inside the building with the purple wallpaper.

Grab the Jack-in-the-Box on the right, kill the three Stumps around the corner to the left and Spawner in the next room.  Grab the Key and Health Flask and climb the stairs to the attic door at the top.  On a raised platform is another Spawner birthing Headless faster than you can say "umbilical cord".  Use the Zero Cannon from the corner of the room near the door and shoot at the top half of the Spawner.    Grab the Health, ammo, and, of course, the Windblade amongst the rafters.  You shouldn't need it, but there's another Health Vial behind the door you opened.  Head back down the steps.

 Go around the bar and down the stairs along the far wall.  Break apart the middle steps and drop into the secret area.  Two Spawners and a host of assorted nastiness will attack at once.  Throw some Jack-in-the-Boxes and use the Magma Cannon to take them out.  Watch for the Headless that busts out of the far wall. Grab the items and return up the stairs and back to the fountain.

Return to the pair of locked doors at the end of the alleyway and use the Key to enter the building.  You have now found the library.  Three Stumps will attack from behind the door.  Smoke 'em and then grab the health and ammo they were guarding.  Follow the walkway to the library.  Pick up the items and then continue on.  Gasbags and a Blademaster are in the study.  Watch for their ranged attacks (especially the rebounding ones the Gasbags spew forth) and use your newly acquired gun to chop them down.  Grab the ammo they yield as well as the ammo and the health on the balcony.  Leave the room through the wooden door.

This is where it gets weird.  You leave the realm of reality (yes, in this case clowns with spider legs are reality) to emerge on a bookshelf in an immensely overgrown environment.  The walls are composed of books, each of which are thicker than you are tall.   Go too close to the edge and its over for you.  This area of the mission is going to place a lot of emphasis on climbing, jumping, and exploring for all of the items that remain to be found.

Bust out the Thornblade and head for the top of the folded over book.  A small army of enemies will attack from the other side.  Once you dispose of them head for the Health Flask and the ladder behind it.

Climb the ladder to the next shelf up.  Here, you can grab a pair of Jack-in-the-Boxes.  Carefully step back onto the ladder and climb to the next shelf.  Two Gasbags will begin firing on you immediately.  Step onto the ledge to your right, jump over to the Black Diamonds and strafe side to side while blowing them away with the Magma Cannon.  Use the Zero Cannon on the Spawner in the distance and a Jack-in-the-Box on the mass of Headless that pile up on the far ledge.  Jump across the gap and duck between the first two books for some items.  Approach the stack of books beyond the collapsed Spawner.  Around the back of this stack is a Health Vial, as well as a Blademaster perched high above.  Duck in and out from behind the books to fire at him.  A few shots with the Magma Cannon will bring him down.  Just ahead, behind the next upright book is a Stump guarding several Black Diamonds.  Further ahead is another Spawner.  Rush right past it and up the Green Book.  Turn around and fire the new gun at it.  Quickly switch to the Thornblade to chop up any of the survivors.

Approach the ledge of the shelf in front of the Spawner you just destroyed.  Fall off the edge onto the beige book sticking out directly below.  Now walk to the left and fall onto the book below, allowing you to grab the Black Diamonds there.  Jump off the book, bust out the Thornblade and slice up the Spawner in between the two books ahead.  DO NOT GRAB THE ARMOR YET!

Head back to the ladder on the far side of the beige book.  Descend the ladder to the bottom floor and grab the pair of Jack-in-the-Boxes.  Climb the ladder back up to the top and, once again, fall off the ledge onto the beige book on the middle shelf.

 A purple book sticks out on the shelf below.  Take a running jump onto this book.  Don't worry about the damage you'll incur, there's a Health Flask there to make up for it.  Grab the Pamphlet to learn about the Arachniclown.  Drop off the book and climb the ladder you first ascended earlier on.

Retrace your footsteps back to the middle shelf.  Perform one last check that to see that you didn't miss any items, and then grab the next shard of armor, the Vest.  Upon grabbing the armor, you are transported to the other side of the door you entered back in the study.  Quicksave before you go.

You will land right in a bee's nest.  A couple of Stumps, a Spawner, and an Arachniclown are all directly ahead of you.  Use the Magma Cannon to take out the Stumps that are right on you and then aim for the clown.  Grab some health if you need to and then run around the corner to bash in the Spawner.  Grab the ammo and health down the hall.  Turn the wheel to drain the fountain in the courtyard.  It appears the main work has been done, all you have to do is fight your way out of the library.  It's not that easy.

In the study, at the top of the stairs, are several Stumps, some Headless, and a few Gasbags hovering just out of sight.  Use the Zero Cannon and a Jack-in-the-Box to take care of the ground troops, then switch to your new gun to take care of the Gasbags through the next doorway.  Exit the library and head back towards the fountain.  An Arachniclown meets you halfway.  Once the Arachniclown has been put away drop down into the fountain, grab the ammo, and jump in the hole to move on to the last section of the mission.

(part 3 of 3)

You begin the final part of the mission face to face with the Unipsycho.  Back away at once while firing your Zero Cannon.  Headless will drop in through the sewer pipes so keep moving.  Continue circling the room until the Headless have been destroyed, then switch to your newest gun and take distant shots at the Unipsycho with it.  Once you give him a permanent flat tire, grab the health and ammo and descend into the sewers.

A Spawner lies ahead.  Bring it down and then advance slowly towards the spillway.  Once you approach the ammo, a few Stumps attack from the rear.  It's the old "where did they come from" story again.  Blow them away and grab the ammo at the edge.  Using your Windblade, blast the pile of crates below, sending to hell any Headless that survive the initial blast.  Jump down off the ledge.

Two Blademasters are positioned above you on the left side of the room.  Using one of your bigger guns, stay on the move and take them out.  Watch for the crossfire.  Climb the ladder in the opposite corner from where you entered the room, grab the items there and turn and jump to the wooden platform with the Diamonds.

 From the wooden platform, run and leap onto the ledge where the other Blademaster stood to locate this next secret.  Return to the landing near the ladder you climbed.

Begin down the tunnel, making the first right you come to and following it to some ammo and health.  Turn back around and equip yourself with the big gun.  Rush ahead and pop the Spawner around the bend before it even gets operating.  Backpedal and fire a shot at the Stumps that are also in the vicinity.  Destroy the second Spawner from a distance, before it too, even gets operational.  Grab the Health if you need

 Run up the ramp and turn around ASAP!  A Blademaster will begin throwing his curving saw blades at you immediately.  Three shots with your big gun is all it will take.  Once dead, take a running leap onto the platform he stood upon to "find" the next secret.  Grab the items (especially the Rose), jump down, and move on.

You will come out of the tunnel in a large room, complete with a stunning night sky, hundreds of crates, and of course, all the wholesome badness you can handle.  Nearly two dozen Headless and Stumps will attack at once.   Throw a couple of Jack-in-the-Boxes if you got the room, and use a user friendly weapon like the Zero Cannon or the Thornblade to eradicate the rest.

It should come of no surprise to you that there are many items hiding in the nooks and crannies of the pile of crates.  Facing the pile you can find: several Black Diamonds in the top right, ammo along the rear wall to the left, and a Jack-in-the-Box and a Rose in the middle of the stack on the left.  In addition to having over 200 HP, you should have the Rage Orb fully powered up by accumulating over 40 Black Diamonds.

Climb the small steps, grab what you need, and approach the valve.  By turning the valve you open the gated area of the main chamber, but also cause the poisonous ooze to begin accumulating.  Hurry back to the main room, descend the ladder, and enter the tunnel towards the Jack-in-the-Box on the far platform. It is highly recommended that you Quick Save here.

Upon grabbing the item, you launch yourself into a dreaded jumping exercise.  With the deadly goo rising up from the floor you must jump from platform to platform, back and forth across the room in a zig-zag pattern.  After the fourth jump you will see a tunnel on the far side where several Stumps and Gasbags await your arrival.  Strafing (careful not to fall off the ledge) and firing the Magma Cannon will clear a path for your safe passage.

Head through the tunnel into a tall tower with a spiraling staircase.  More Gasbags and countless Headless attack you at once.  Blast the Gasbags of the air while avoiding the Headless.  Then, using the Thornblade, charge up the stairs and dismantle the Spawner and the rest of the Headless.  Don't use the Looking Glass just yet; there's three more secrets to find!  Don't worry, they're right under your nose.

 Return to the bottom of the spiraling staircase.  Jump from the stairs into the small arched tunnel above the lantern to find the secret.  Grab the Pamphlet to learn about Madame Raven.

Above Secret #6 is another small arched tunnel wherein lies a secret.  This one only holds a Jack-in-the-Box, but who cares?  Got to pad those statistics!

You guessed it!  Above Secret #7 is another secret tunnel, this one yielding an impressive Rose for your trouble.  Fitting, for this makes up for all the damage you incur if you happen to plummet to the floor below.

Climb the stairs and use the Looking Glass to move on to the next mission.

(part 1 of 3)

You've come far.  You're closing in on the core of the Water Realm's corruption.  To countless before you, the hallowed halls within have been a place of salvation, a pit of damnation to others.  To be a master of this realm you must cleanse the ancient cathedral in a trial of blood and wits.  By way of the Scourge, the earth element will be a useful ally for you here, as the way in is not as straight as it first seems.

You begin the third mission outside the Cathedral on a grassy courtyard.  Three Gasbags hover to your left and an army of Headless come at you from all angles.  Use the Thornblade to chop down a few of the Headless and then switch to the Magma Cannon or Windblade to go after the Gasbags.  Just be sure to stay to the right side (facing the Cathedral) of the yard, as many more enemies lurk on the far side.  A Pamphlet lies behind the column to the right of the locked door.  Grab it and head to the other side of the yard ready for a fight.

As soon as you cross the yard a Blademaster and nearly a dozen Headless attack.  Circle the yard firing the Windblade at the Blademaster while heaving Jack-in-the-Boxes at the Headless.  With the coast clear, grab the Health Flask and pass under the arch towards the tower.

A Unipsycho and a half dozen Stumps attack you at once.  Circle the central tower hitting them with everything you got.  Once they have been eliminated, the gate to the tower opens, revealing the Scourge and some health.  Back out of the tower to avoid the Headless that fall from above.  Toss a Jack-in-the-Box at them and then move in and use the Scourge to grapple onto the ring high above.  Jump onto the platform and cut up any remaining Headless and grab the goods.

Carefully step out the window onto the flying buttress.  Cross over to the roof and approach the balcony to the right.  A Unipsycho rolls towards you but you should have no problem dropping him with the Zero Cannon while he wrestles with the fence on the balcony.  Jump on to the balcony and grab the ammo along the wall.  Round the corner and kill the Headless and move on.  A Key to the Cathedral is just ahead.  Run and get it and then kill the Gasbags that bust through the window to get you.

Head back towards the window you climbed out of.  Below the ledge you stepped out onto is another one with a Pamphlet.  Run off the roof of the building onto this lower buttress and grab the Pamphlet.  Jump down and head to the front of the Cathedral, where you began the mission.  Use the Key to enter and kill the four Stumps that attack.

 Shoot the door to the left.  It breaks apart revealing a Secret Rage Orb, an awesome item to find.

Grab the Health Flask and the three Jack-in-the-Boxes across the hall.  Begin down the long corridor.  As you near the door you will be attacked by more Headless and a couple Gasbags.  A couple of Jack-in-the-Boxes for the Headless and the Magma Cannon for the Gasbags and you're good to go.  Pick up the ammo for the Windblade and switch to it since a Unipsycho is going to leap out of the stairs at you.  Blow him to hell and grab the ammo he drops before entering the stairwell.  Pick up the Health Flask and climb the ladder to the ledge above.

Walk out onto the beams to get the ammo and then slowly approach the door.  In the next hallway on the right are two Stumps.  To the left, where the ledge goes high above the central room, are a half dozen Gasbags.  Use the wall of the hallway for cover as you alternate shots with them.  Once you pop the last Gasbag continue on ahead, mindful of the Stump that is going to jump out from around the corner.  Blast him with the Magma Cannon and grab the items there and further down the hall near the ladder.

Descend the ladder to the floor below.  Take aim at the face shaped fountain on the wall.  Fire at it to reveal Health Vials.  This will work six times.  Switch to the Windblade and run into the room on the left and blast the Spawner there before it gets up and running.  Quicksave your progress, use the Rage Orb, and pass through the door.

The Fat Lady is not difficult to beat alone, its with the tens of Headless that continuously charge you that things get difficult.  By alternating between the Thornblade to clear out the Headless and the Windblade to shoot at the Fat Lady, you will eventually prevail.  During the battle you could retreat to where the Health Vials and the fountain are to regroup and replenish any drained HP.  Then attack again.  The Headless will stop coming once you kill the Fat Lady.  Grab the Plate from the altar and enjoy the extra 100 HP it allows you to carry.  If you're not at 200, jump onto the fallen column to grab the Health Flask and then head back towards the door you entered this area from.  "God Gave Rock and Roll to You" will echo through the spacious halls of the Cathedral while you complete this section of the mission.

 High above is a ring that you can grapple to with the Scourge.  In doing so you will drop onto a Secret ledge where you can obtain your first Angel Charm.

Return the way you came, up the ladder, across the ledge and back to the areas with the wooden beams near the first ladder.

Walk out onto the highest set of beams and drop down onto the middle set.  There, in a newly revealed alcove in the wall is the next Secret, as well as a Rose that should top you off at 250 HP!

Jump back to the ladder and descend.  Cross over into the other part of the main room, where you used the Scourge to find Secret #2.  Enter the area behind the now open doors against the wall in the corner.  The water will drain, revealing an exit from this area.

(part 2 of 3)

The second area of Cathedral begins in a damp section of the church with a sort of condemned appearance.  Your first encounter is with the now commonplace Headless.  A few on the ground and another ten or so will leap through the stained glass window.  Now that's a sacrilege!  When your done laying your Zero Cannon smack down on them grab the two Pamphlets around the corner to the right.

Open the door at the end of the hall and blast the three Strutters that crawl towards you.  Watch out for their barely visible saliva streams, they sting your HP pretty bad.

 Double back to where the Headless were.  Upon killing the last of these three Strutters, the wall opens revealing a Secret Rage Orb.

Continue on through the bends in the corridor.  You will emerge in a larger room with a puddle in the center and an angry Arachniclown trying to "light" you up.  Pun fully intended.  Use the Magma Cannon and alternate shots with it, while ducking in and out of the stairwell.  As you go for the ammo it drops, a concrete slab seals the top part of the staircase and three Strutters and a Blademaster join the fracas.  Retreat to the top of the stairs, near the Health Flask, where you can shower them with Jack-in-the-Boxes and Magma Cannon firepower.

Step out into the large hall and approach the fountain on the wall.  Once again you can take some swipes at a fountain to produce some Health Vials for yourself.  This one works five times.  Travel towards the other end of the room, killing the two Gasbags along the way.   Leave the health where it is unless you really need it.

Bust through the wooden barricade and slaughter the Headless that attack.  At the far end of this next section is a Fat Lady.  And if that wasn't enough for you; in the alcove on the right is a Blademaster.  Use the Windblade on each of them (the Blademaster will drop additional ammo for it) and use the other half of the room behind the wall for cover.  Once you clear them both out, grab all of the Health and Jack-in-the-Boxes lying around and approach the water where the Fat Lady was.

Follow the water down the tunnel and open the gate.  The Stargaze weapon is across the room on a ledge guarded by an Arachniclown.  On a ledge in the center is a Rose.  Elsewhere throughout the room is a bunch of Health, some ammo, items, and a large amount of evil.

Before dropping onto the floor, send a few shots of the Windblade at the Arachniclown across the room.  With any luck you'll kill him.  Switch to the Thornblade and jump to the floor.  Plasma Traps line the walls, two Blademasters and a dozen or so Headless attack on foot, and several Gasbags hover above.  You can crawl around to avoid the Plasma Traps.  But whatever you do, keep moving and swinging that blade and you'll come out ok.  Once the ground troops have been properly terminated, switch to the Magma Cannon and deflate the airborne Gasbags.  Pick up all of the items and make your way up the ladder in the far right corner from where you came in.

Equip yourself with something more powerful and hit the small ledge running.  Along the next wall are three Stumps.  Take them out and step onto the ledge where they were perched.  Finish off any remaining Gasbags and take a breather.  I know you want to leap for that Rose in the center (which you could) but don't.  Every time you have to climb the ladder, the Stumps and Gasbags regenerate.  You may not be as lucky next time.

Instead, climb the ladder to the ledge above.  The perceptive gamer will notice that the wall to your right can be busted apart revealing a secret.  Don't go for it yet, as you will be dropped right where you first entered this area . . . smack dab in the line of señor Clown's fire.  Approach the edge with the Windblade ready.  Two Gasbags will jump out right in front of you.  Take a shot while back pedaling back off the elevated ledge.  More Gasbags begins firing at you from the center of the room.  Strafe along this ledge, taking them out one by one.  When the last one is dead climb the ladder and drop down the other side.

Follow the perimeter as quickly as possible to the landing where the lever is.  Don't try and pull it just yet if the Arachniclown is still kicking.  You'll be better served by ducking in behind it.  Using the Windblade and the lever for cover, bring down the Arachniclown across the gap.  Now pull the lever.

Cross the platform that extends from the wall and grab the Stargaze weapon.  The room begins to quake and the grating on the floor falls into the water.  That is your way out.  But, before you go, jump down to the floor and climb the ladder to the left.  Blast the Stumps and Gasbags that reappear and climb the second ladder.

 Shoot the off colored portion of wall at the top of the ladder.  Jump in to grab some Windblade ammo and to find this secret.

Take a running leap for the Rose, kill the Gasbags, and then dive into the water in the center of the room under the arch.

When you dive down into the water, its important to stay calm you have about 12 seconds of air.  Spin around in one place until you see the busted open iron gate.  That's your way out.  Swim through and get some air.  At the far end of the tunnel are three Spawners, two of which are out of sight.  Tread water while firing or jump onto the small ledge to the right.  Even though the Headless look like crabs, they're afraid of the water.  Blast the first Spawner with the Windblade then use the Stargaze for everything around the corner.  It drains a ton of ammo but man does it make life so much easier!

Through the doors, behind the wall to the left is a Fat Lady.  Face left and strafe sidestep inch by inch until you can just see her girth from around the wall.  You can safely stand there unnoticed while you change her diet forever with all the Magma she can handle.  As soon as she dies, the water in the room starts rising.  No sweat!  Just dive in and cross the room to the right, near the small steps.  A few Strutters will come around the corner to greet you.  Kill them.

As you make your move up the steps you hear the obnoxious noises of the Gasbags.  Return to the bottom of the stairs and get ready for a fight.  Several Gasbags will attack from each opening, in addition to another Arachniclown at the top of the steps.  Replenish the HP you lose by diving down to the bottom of the water and swimming under the platform to find three Health Flasks.

 Swim into a chimney like area beyond the Health Flasks.  Use you Scourge to hoist yourself up to the branch above.  While holding the "Attack" button down, turn around and move yourself towards the ledge.  Jump onto it and carefully pick up the precious items over the metal bars.

Directly below you is the last enemy in the area: another Fat Lady.  Hit her a couple times with the Windblade, toss a couple Jack-in-the-Boxes down on her and then jump down into the ever rising water.

Climb out of the water into the large central room.  You can see the exit through the doorway on the right.  Grab the Health Flask off the platform on the right on your way out of area 2.

(part 3 of 3)

Ahh, the attic.  Here, in this third and final area of the Cathedral, will you see more enemies per square pixel than anywhere you've been so far.  Up the ramp ahead of you is a Fat Lady, a Spawner, and what seems to be an endless surge of Headless.  Slice and dice your way to the rear of the room with the Thornblade and then switch to the Windblade.  Take out the Spawner with a shot at its base and then turn your attention on the large one.  Circle around the room, blasting away at her as you go.  Pick up the ammo and open the gray door near the Spawner.

 Upon opening the door, the room fills with water.  Swim back to the area above where you started to find a Secret Rage Orb.

Enter the area through the door.  The three concrete boxes along the far wall have items in them, but will remain inaccessible until you destroy the Arachniclown that appears.  Move towards the center of this long room.  As you do, the clown, along with a dozen or so Headless attack.  Kill the Arachniclown first so as to get the Health and ammo you likely need.

Pick up the items at the opposite end of the room and approach the open doorway.  In the next hallway are some Strutters, an Arachniclown, and a Blademaster.  Lure them into the larger room you just emptied so you can maneuver better for clean shots.

 Reenter the hallway and look up.  You should immediately notice the Rose on the beam.  To the left of the Rose, up higher, is a ring that you can reach with your Scourge.  Remember where this ring is, you'll be coming back to it for the next Secret as well.

Pass through the doors into the next room and kill the Headless that swarm you.  Grab the Health and approach the stairs in the corner.  Circle around the platform slowly, looking up at the bells for Gasbags.  Use the Magma Cannon to take them out before climbing the ladder.

Draw the Windblade and climb the ladder rung by rung.  Get near the top and start firing at the Fat Lady across the way.  By staying on the ladder and firing constantly, you'll be able to pin her down and kill her with the least of efforts.

 As soon as the Fat Lady dies, the water starts rising throughout the church.  Quickly run back to where you earlier grappled up to reach the Rose.  Now, a small alcove reveals a Angel Charm.  Grab it and run back quickly.  The invincibility it offers will help tremendously.

Don't worry about the items near the bells for there's a lot of crabs in this belfry. Jump from the boxes to attain the platform and then climb the ladder up to the door.  Two Spawners generating over twenty Headless lie behind the door.  As soon as you open the door, hit the Spawner in its base with the Windblade.  Retreat back to the floor below as the invincibility is waning.

Grab the items and Health and break out the Thornblade.  Cut yourself a path through the oodles of Headless that now await you.  Two swipes is all it takes to bring down the Spawner.  Once you disable it retreat once more.  A Fat Lady is above you firing at you.  Once the very last Headless is defeated, arm yourself with the Windblade and back up the ramp until the smallest bit of that large woman is showing.  Unload on her.  Again you'll pin her down and she won't get any hits in on you.

One last Spawner lies ahead at the top of the small staircase leading into the steeple.  This one gives birth to the fire breathing Stumps.  A good shot from the Windblade or, if you just want to get it over with, use the Stargaze.  Climb the ladder and look into the mirror.  You're done with the Cathedral.

(part 1 of 3)

 You stand at the brink of success now.  Only the carnival of lost souls block your way.  Through the crimson fold you must go, to find the Starbearer's mask.  With it, you will have invoked the Elder and become a true avatar of the elements.  It all rests with you now.  I can do no more.  May the fates look upon you favorably, my friend.

Freak Show begins where Cathedral left off.  You stand in the top of the steeple, only outside it is not air as you may expect, but the grounds of a most horrifying carnival.  Now we know why Austin Powers' other fear was Carnies.  You know, circus folk.

A dozen Headless will pour off the roof of the steeple as you exit.  Slaughter them and then move around to the other side where you can meet your first Ballbuster.  He really is one too.  Use the Windblade when fighting him.  It will take two direct hits to bring him down, but it will lessen your chances of getting a cannon ball in the gut.

 Take a running leap into the ticket booth on the right.  There you will find a Rose and the first Secret of this area.

The little canisters you see lying around are explosive.  You could shoot them from a distance when an enemy is near them.  Truth be know, they aren't very damaging.  Unless something is right on top of them, they only leave a scratch.

As you move closer to the wagon ahead, Headless will bust out to greet you.  Retreat to where you came and unload on them.  Enter their wagon to grab some ammo and a Rage Orb.

Now for the tough part.  Each of the awnings on the left will produce its own variety of evil.  Ballbusters, Stumps, and Blademasters will drop from the sky depending on which one you walk near.  The ammo is there to tease you into coming a little closer so that they might actually land on you.  Sure, if you're after point totals, rack em up.  Otherwise hug the far right side as you cross through this battlefield.  They'll still come for you, but not the masses you would endure by hanging around.

 The third awning on the left, the one that launches Blademasters, has a couple of wooden boards up top.  Shoot these planks and turn to the right.  A Secret area opens revealing a Angel Charm.  No better place to be invincible.

At the end of the field, where the path turns to the right, are two Blademasters and several Headless.  Slash your way through the Headless and then turn your sights on the Blademasters as they have you in a crossfire.  Kill any remaining enemies and head into the tent in the corner with the revolving center.  Several Health Flasks are here for your HP replenishing pleasure.  Bust out the Magma Cannon and blast the two Gasbags behind the screen.  You may not see them, but you sure will kill them.

At the peak of this tent is a hook that you can grapple to with the Scourge.  Use it drop in on the Heart Orb in the center.  Just get out of there before you get nauseous from staring at the spinning polka-dots.

Near the ramp in the distance, by the Health Flask on the left, is a small opening in the skirt of the large red tent.  Crawl under the platform to find this Secret.

Climb the ramp and enter the door through the large clown mouth.  If the door is still blocked you must venture back around the corner and kill more freaks.  After meeting the quota, you will hear the chime and the door will open.

Inside this tent are water tanks and a center column of water, in which is a Spawner.  Head right for the Spawner and take it out with one blast of the Magma Cannon.  You can walk right through the tank walls and into the water.  Weird stuff I tell you.  Kill any remaining Headless and climb the ladder and turn the wheel.  Panels in the water tanks have been raised, allowing you to access the yard behind the tent.  Or, you can jump onto the wheel and make a running jump off the wheel and onto the tent to slide over and onto the platform where the Health and ammo is.  Grab the Diamonds in the opposite corner and follow the pathway outside and into the yard below.

Headless, and Ballbusters follow you out.  Once you put them out of their disfigured misery, blast open the wagon to reward yourself with a Rose.  Unfortunately, doing so will trigger another Ballbuster and a Stump to attack as well.  Reenter the tent through the openings on the side to the tanks and kill the any remaining enemies.  Once the last one is put to rest, a wooden panel in the front left corner of the tent will open, allowing you to cross an elevated platform to the next tent.

Drop off of this elevated walkway onto the other tent's platform below.  Welcome to the big top, you're gonna wish you never came!  Three Stumps and a Blademaster guard the way.  Kill them each, grab the ammo and health, and head to the left.  An Arachniclown will pop out at the bottom of the ramp so be ready.  Also, to the left is a Spawner cranking out Stump after Stump.  Put it out of business and move on.

A few Stumps lay further down the walkway on the left.  Kill them and circle around to the right where a Unipsycho is kept in a cage.  Those bars will keep him from getting out but his fire still can.  After you waste him, enter the cell through the bars and grab the items there.  Leave and head up the stairs to the left.

 Behind the bars straight ahead are a few Stumps.  Kill them and then enter their cell.  Blast apart the wooden wall and enter the Secret area for a Heart Orb.

Leave the cage and make a left.  A Spawner generating an army of Strutters lies around the bend.  If you got the ammo to spare, use the Stargaze and make it easy for yourself.  Otherwise a combination of the Windblade and Jack-in-the-Boxes will do the trick.  Follow the winding path until all hell breaks loose near the next cage.  A Spawner, a Unipsycho, a Blademaster, a Ballbuster, and numerous Headless attack at once.  Again, use the Stargaze if you want to have much hope of coming out of this with substantial health remaining.  Another good option, believe it or not, is the Scourge.  The whip packs a deadly punch and has a faster firing rate than many of the guns.

Continue down the long corridor.  As you near the orange box of ammo, several Stumps and a Gasbag attack.  Put them away and the exit will be open to you via the next room.  There is a lot of health along the sides of this room.  Keep it in mind as you battle the Ballbuster, Blademaster, and Gasbags.  Keep moving and firing.  The size of the room will make it easy to dodge their fire.

 Under the walkway that leads to the mirror is a tiny little monkey on a tricycle.  "Use" this little toy to reveal a Secret Rose.  This will come as a nice boost of HP before exiting the area.

(part 2 of 3)

Part two of Freak Show starts you out at the top of a ramp leading out onto a large field, home to many circus tents.  A horde of Headless attack immediately but are easy to handle with the Thornblade if you keep swinging it as they funnel through the doorway.  Next up: two Fat Ladies.  Switch to something that has a tad bit more range, as you really don't want to snuggle up next to these hoochies.

The green striped tent to the left, where one of the Fat Ladies emerged has some ammo and health available.  The red polka-dot tent on the right has a Spawner in addition to some ammo and health.  If you haven't yet discovered the wonders of the Scourge, try it.  It's range and precision is awesome, not to mention the lion tamer feeling you get from hearing that crack of the whip.

As you leave the red tent, take note of the environment.  Grab the ammo on the right and then head to the opening in the tent way in the distance.  Enter slowly and stand beneath the ramp.  Grab the Pamphlet and take out the Spawner.  Turn around to face where you came in and gradually back up until you can just make out the Fat Lady on the walkway above you.  Send her to hell without her even seeing you!

Now, with the coast clear run up the ramp and follow the walkway around to the Elder Mask.  With the Mask on you will have a maximum attainable HP of 250!

 Walk to the edge of the ramp beyond the Elder Mask.  To your right is a trap door in the side of the tent.  Step through it to fall onto a Health Flask.

Before entering the newly opened door to the big top, go straight ahead to the area under the ramp in the middle.  Here you will find a wealth of Black Diamonds.  Go back out onto the grass and approach the door.  Stumps will be there waiting for you at the bottom of the ramp, as will a Ballbuster at the top.  Try not to attract the Ballbuster until you're done with the Stumps.  Then, climb the ramp and let him have it.  To the right is a Fat Lady.  Once you kill her and move into that section of the tent you will be locked in.  There will be no return for you.

As you begin down the rickety walkway over the water, Headless and Gasbags attack.  Retreat to where you entered the area and whoop up on them.   Run and jump across the gap in the walkway and dive into the water on the other side of the divider.  Kill the mass of Headless under the water and then turn your attention to the Ballbuster on the platform high above.  You can stand in the middle of the tent and kill him (albeit slowly) with the Magma Cannon without ever getting hit.  Grab the ammo that lies around and swim to the next area.

Climb out of the water onto the ramp and collect the Diamonds on the way to the lever.  Flip the lever to raise the dividers between the tents and swim back to where you earlier killed the Fat Lady.

Secret #8: In the corner near the ladder is a hidden area.  Swim through the water and into this now open alcove.  Big time rewards are here for those who make the trip.

Head back to where you battled the Ballbuster.  Run up the ramp, grab the ammo and enter the tent.  The Health ahead of you is there for a reason.  Before you partake, slaughter the Fat Lady to your left.  You will likely have to gib her with the Thornblade to get by so beware the splash.  Grab the Health and push on to the center ring.

At first glance things look easy enough.  A couple of Spawners generating Headless.  No prob.  Think again.  The third Spawner spits out Unipsychos.  Needless to say, the quicker you can put the Spawners out of commission, the faster you will be ready to leave this godforsaken place.

If you need help with this last assault walk the perimeter of the tent to the left of where you came in.  Shoot out the wooden boards near the ceiling and run ahead before the door slams shut.  You will instantly be transported to a ledge above the Looking Glass where an Angel Charm is waiting for you.

Jump down and smash anything that moves.  When all is said and done.  Gather up the ammo and Health Flask lying around and head to the mirror.  It's time for your first Boss fight.

(part 3 of 3)

Boss: Fortunado

Your first impressions of Fortunado may be that he's a pushover.  Especially when you can put him down with consecutive shots of the Windblade without him even moving.  Well, its not that easy.  Fortunado is fortunate enough to have three lives.  He continues to blow himself up like some deranged helium balloon and attacks again and again.

His second coming will have him bouncing around the place while throwing explosive bowling pins at you like a world class juggler.  Keep on the move and try and stay under him when he's airborne.   Fire round after round of liquid hot magma (I love you Dr. Evil) up his kiester until he bounces no more.

When he gets up for his third attempt at killing you he flies into the air like a bottle rocket and begins throwing maddening amounts of bowling pins at you.  He will spin in circles slow enough for you to keep ahead of him.  Keep moving and firing, moving and firing.  Break away to grab the ammo that reappears during the fight.  And definitely grab any health that shows up.  Keep working him over with the Windblade and Magma Cannon and you'll be the Starbearer before you can say Ringling Brothers.

 Well done my friend.  I did well to recruit you in this time of need.  But, if Fortunado has fallen to evil possession, then I fear Tiberius, Stargrave, and Blackwell may have done the same.  Your friends will have to contend with the fallen avatars to claim their victories.  And, all the while, the Nightmare Child's cocoon grows, spelling out the doom of our existence.  These are dark tidings.  May your friends prove themselves as worthy as you have, for their challenge will be no less in stature.