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Forget it March 26, 2003 this letter is raw like thoughts burn scarred flesh or other feelings not shown so i watch you play for hours because your tension and good mood is my release from the rest we were both up and fell when understanding came faster in silence but i still say stupid things why did i knife and burn the scenery i loved for years it opens my eyes to see that most of the time i dont know what i am doing my past would gut you too except that i dont believe in them so why do i exist consequences choke until i am going to the hideout realizing death is an illusion ive been gone for some days and facerake is still the same like before in the sun playing foozeball and laughing i learn to despise what could have been im tired a friend of mine once taught me the art of seclusion i havent seen him in years why does starving feel better others interpretation is reflection that nobody sees themselves not even fighting unless im hearing stories and then trying to sleep everyone picks a place to show and take but i havent lied since i cant remember rationalization falls through the hole to the other side and im waiting with our promise of a future when god i miss your smile so forget it analyzing shit puts me through it again i havent thought about pain so it screws me over like that bottle building up a tolerance when i used to know how to laugh forget getting paint when nothing ever lasts scars outlive the ones you told the story to but there are always more i cant ever make up my mind except thats not true and i know ill want to hug you next time i see you unless im drunk and tackle you instead but not until you look at me those two beers two rum and cokes two long island iced teas did nothing for me do i do anything but everything for myself the biggest dilemma is hating yourself when you really dont care about anything how do you snap out of not caring when you care too much about people that hate you anyway so why do anything but everything for yourself oh well, forget it |