Scattered Hopes And Twisted Dreams

People hustle past me as I stand along one of the busiest roads in town looking as inconspicuous as possible; no one knows or even suspects what I here to do today. A foreign embassy is just across the road and I watch people go in and out of the gates as if it was just another day. Under my robes there are one and a half kilograms of high explosives tied round my waist and chest. The clock that they're set by says ten minutes, today definitely won't be like all the rest.
To my left a car is pulling up and stops by the side of the busy road, a white one. A woman gets out and takes out a child; both are wrapped in our traditional dress. The child must be no more than seven years old; the sight reminds me of my own child and I know what I am doing is for her...for her future. In my last picture I hold my daughter in one hand, an AK-47 rifle in the other. I know how to use it; every member of the cause was issued with a similar weapon, the right amount of explosives and instructions on how to use them. We will each make our country proud.
My daughter, Farhah, is two years old. She is too young to understand properly why I and so many others follow this calling. I hope that one day she too will do something that will make me proud to be her mother. Many times I have considered not going through with it for her sake but I look outside and I know the cause is justified. We must do what we can for our country; my prayers lead me to this path. Farhah will understand one day and forgive me for leaving her; but it isn't forgiveness I seek, I know this is the only way. I'd stand along side her if she did the same.
The explosives are set to go off on the hour, as the bell in the city clock tower tolls.
The clock says five minutes to the hour.
The black and white bandanna that is part of my cause's garb and which I wore in my picture is wrapped tightly round my hand. I will willingly die for my family, my God and my cause- all that I strongly believe to be right and true.
It'll take me two minutes to cross the road at least, it is a busy road and cars as well as people constantly go past me as I wait here for the right time. The impact I will make has to be the strongest I can; I have to make a mark, even if it means killing as many people as possible. This is no place for a child to grow up; there's been fighting and unrest in this country for far too long. It all has to change...it will change, we're making sure of that, although there seems to be very few ways of getting across what we, the people want. All we want is a chance of equality, for it to be a safe place for our children to grow up in and this seems to be the only way that we can get noticed.
The enemies of this country always seem to be bombarding us so that our government doesn't care about its people anymore; it always did what it wanted to anyway, whether in our interests or not. How much longer will all this fighting go on? Even those willing to give up their lives see that this isn't the route to a unified country, but it's all we can do for now.
I checked the clock one last time. Just one minute left now.
I realised this morning I'm not scared of dying anymore, I have nothing to fear for my God will be with me. My family and the cause will be proud of me and I will be considered a martyr. I'm ready to meet my God
The killing will stop...someday.
Allah be praised.
� Kiandra Riley 2004