It has been said that marriages are
settled in heaven but performed on
earth.From this it should be clearly
understood the importance of
marriage.Marriage is a sacred and
pious ceremony.It is not just a
meeting of two physical bodies but
the meeting of two eternal souls.In
the present sceneriao it is just an
reverse.We have made marriage just an
play toy.That when we desire we play
and when we are contented we through
it off which is an wrong thing.This
is because we fail to understand the
real meaning of marriage.Marriage is
not a mere contract that we signs it
for a stipulated period of time and
when the time limit expires we
terminate the contract and signs off
the new contract.
Marriage (Khandar) is an sacred
ceremony and before tying up the knot
we must fully understand the meaning
of marriage what it basically means
and then we shoud proceed futher.The
marriage That Lagn and Kanyadaan are
two important words which are not
merely words but have a deep
meaning.Kanyadaan is the highest Dan
of all the Daans which is perforned
on this earth.In this the daughter's
father while handing her daughter to
the bride takes oath from boy that he
will be a part and parcel of her
daughter in every part of life and
the groom while accepting the Dan
takes the oath that he will give all
happiness to her daughter.Lagn which
we called is an major MahaYagnya in
which bride and the groom in presence
of witnesse both girls and boys side
gives Ahutis to the god that they
will remain with each other through
out the life and be a part in each
other's joys's and sorrows and will
do it till their end.But in todays
Pretext it seems that we had
forgotten all these rituals and they
have become mere formalities.It is
very shocking to hear that about 70%
Of kashmiri pandit marriages are
turning to be total failure with
understanding power decreasing at
great rate.This is alarming for all
of us and we have to take immediate
steps in stoping this in order to
save our community.The divorce cases
are on the rise and extramartial
relationships have come to existence
to a great extent which is very
harmful for our community.
Many alarming cases have come to
light that the boys who are settled
abroad doing double marriages .The
boy who is abroad is aleady married
and when he comes to india he again
marries the kashmiri girl.Many such
cases have been noticed.They do not
know that what they are doing they
are ruining the life of girl their
parents and himself.They have fully
adopted the western culture were it
is a craze in marrying several women.
They are just considering it as a
means of sexual enjoyment.I appeal to
all to take note of it and abandons
those who are performing such brutal
actions and ruining the name of our
community.The strict action should be
taken with these bastards.
The marriages in kashmiri pandit
community has now become a status
symbol.The kashmiri pandit marriage
is now slowly approaching the western
culture forgetting the traditional
Kashmiri marriage which was performed
in valley amidist the huge audience
and in presence of the Dharmik Guru
Who performs the marriage.This all
has vanished out completely now the
fuction been completed in short
period of time.Now the bride comming
to his own conveyance without caring
for Mahurat time of Lagna.If the
mahurat for Lagn is at 9 a.m the
bride arrives at 12 pm .This is the
main cause of kashmiri marriages
turned to be failure.
Now the people/relatives who had come
as witneses to witness the ceremony
does not cares about the ceremony
they only cares about the lunch and
the type of dishes that will be
served.They took their Lunch take the
dishes if there is any discrepancy or
short fall in the lunch complain of
the same and in no time all people
frisks away and the place becomes
empty .The only persons which are
present are the girls father mother
boys father mother some close
relatives, The dharmik guru and the
most important person Of all That is
the videoperson who remains till the
end of Lagn and who covers the whole
ceremony till the end for the records
which will be seen by those people
who had fled away after taking the
dishes .It Is ver shocking because we
do not know the real meaning of
marriage ceremony.
The relatives who had come there had
to necessary remain there till the
Lagn is performed as they are the
witness to this marriage.They have to
give their blessings and have to
present there till the time of posh
puja but this does not happens they
are heard gossiping how many stalls
they had which was the best and
etc... which is totally wrong.
we waste huge amount of money on
marriages and now the marriages are
performed in five stars .We are busy
in showing our greatness but we
forgets what type of harm we do to
our society.In this pretext I
remember the following lines from
Devi astuti which is in our Sacred
Book Sharika lehri.The lines in
kashmiri are as under.
Bad Bad Kar ker ker kya me prayum
thaknuvam Chum me bud khandan..
(sorry for the mistakes)
Meaning....
what i have gained from doing great
things.I have only shown to the world
that my dynasty is supreme and no one
is like me.This shows the egoisim of
the person.I hope it will give the
desired message.
I appeal to my brethern to stop it
and perform the marriages in very
simple and true religious manner.We
have to start from our home before
asking others to inplement it.I
request youths to come forward and to
opt for voluntary marriages with no
give and take.we have seen some
voluntarly marriages in early period
of migration but with period of time
this begans to dimnishes and now the
results are before you.
One more burning problem that i wish
to take is the marriage of girls
outside the community.I believe that
it is good to some extent but the
overhall results are very bad.If this
continues to happen i am afraid that
our great culture may come to end
because it is the women who carries
the sanskars forward.I tried to
analyse the problem and after taking
to many people i sketched up the
following report.
The kashmiri girls have becone more
luxurious and they wanted to spend
luxurious life were there should be
every comforts.so they looks for the
boy who has all the modern luxurious
items that car,house,good job etc..
as u know that kashmiri boys are
struggling and they have managed to
get these things to some extent but
they cannot provide all the
ammenities in one go.The kashmiri
pandit girl has lost the patience ans
does not wanted to help his husband
in getting these things .She wanted
to have all the things ready
made.This is the major cause for
marrying of kashmiri girls ouside the
community which is very shocking.
on the other hand the boy wants to
marry the typical kashmiri girl
because he knows the value of
kashmiri blood in which there are
true sankaras.
I appeal specially to girls and to
all the brethern if they have to
preserve the community kindly marry
in their community only.
(P.S: I did not want to heart the
feeling of any body but the main
cause of writing this article is to
enlighten our comminity with the
future happenings in the community
and to help our community to get
united).
Jai guru dev
Author:sanjay koul
