A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, 'Who is this?'
'This is the maid', answered the woman.
'We don't have a maid!'
'I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.'
'Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'
'Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.'
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, 'Listen, would you like to make $50,000?'
'What do I have to do?'
'I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with.'
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. 'What should I do with the bodies?'
'Throw them in the swimming pool!'
'What pool?'
'Uh.. is this 832-4821?'

Punishment

Little Jonny was walking in the woods one day with his dad. On the way down the path, Jonny saw a fruit-fly and he squashed it against a tree. His father told him, 'You killed a fruit-fly so now you can't have fruit for a week.'
So they kept walking, and as the day went on, Jonny saw a butterfly. He tried to catch the butterfly and accidentally killed it. His father said, 'You killed a butterfly so now you can't have butter for a week.'
So after a while they got tired and decided to go home. They walked into the kitchen and Jonny's mom said, 'There was a nasty cockroach running around here, but since you were gone I had to kill it!' Little Jonny said, 'Will you tell her or should I?'

 Who's To Blame?

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.  Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.  Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job.  Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.  It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

Duh . . . .!

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.  Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone!"