3 Girls

The maitre d' of a fashionable restaurant looked up and saw three little girls standing in the waiting area.  They were dressed in their mother's clothes, had on high-heeled shoes and were wearing lots of make-up.  The lunch crowd hadn't started to arrive yet so he decided to treat them like regular guests just to see what they were up to.  He seated them at a table and asked what they would like to order.  The first little girl ordered a martini, the second one asked for a margarita and the third one said, "I'd like to have a douche...my mother says they're very refreshing."

Duck

A duck walks into a bar and asks "got any crackers ?"
Bar tender says "no". Duck walks out. Duck walks in the next day and asks: "got any crackers?" bar tender says no. Duck walks out.
Duck walks in the next day & asks :"got any crackers ?" Bar tender says: "I told you yesterday & the day before that no! and if you ask that one more time I'll nail your beak shut !" Duck walks out.
Duck comes back the next day and asks:" got any nails?" bar tender says no.
Duck says "good, Got any crackers?"

Frog

A little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on grand dad's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl says, "Grandpa, will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her grand dad says, "Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
And the little girl says, "'Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!"

The pope was on a trip to California. He Got a very sporty pope-mobile for this trip. He begged the chauffeur to let him drive. Finally, the chauffeur gave in & let the pope drive. Of course the pope went crazy and was going too fast. Finally he ran a stop light and was pulled over by a policeman. The cop called his station to ask them what to do because he just pulled over somebody very, very important. His sargent asked  who, our mayor ? a movie star ? or what ?? The cop replied, "Well I'm not sure who, but he must be really important because the pope is his chauffeur !!"

The Bank Loan

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says 'I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys.'
Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, 'Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two hundred dollars?'
The man answers, 'I had to go to Europe for six months, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?'