Three women were sitting in a bar and talking about how loose they are. The first one says,"I'm so loose that my husband can fit his whole fist inside of me." Then the second one said,"I'm so loose my husband can fit his whole arm up to his elbow inside of me." Then the third one slipped down the bar stool.

Haggling Over The Price:

An ugly, but well dressed guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool next to a beautiful woman. After a couple of minutes pass he turns to her and asks, "Would you be willing to go to bed with me for a million dollars"? She hesitates for a few seconds and then says, "Yes for a million dollars, I sure would." The man than asks, "Would you go to bed with me for a quarter"? The woman gets angry and says, "just what do you think I am"? "Well," the man says, "we have established that. All we are doing now is haggling over price."

Batterries:

"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk. "Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this way?"  "If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the batteries."

Butt Light:

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"

I'm a W.I.F.E.:

A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."  Another guy says, "What's that?"  The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."  Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK."  A girl asks, "What's that?"  He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."  So a lady says, "That's nice.   My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."  Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?"  She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.'"