I'll Have Nun of That!

This fellow is driving in his ford and sees a nun. Thinking quickly, he picks her up. In the car the man suddenly asks if the nun would have sex with him. She says yes, but under 2 conditions. First that he won't tell anyone and second that he is not married. He says that's fine.
A few days later he sees the nun again and asks if he could tell her something. It's okay with her. He says, "I have a confession to make. I am married and I told all my friends about it."
She says, "I to have a confession to make, too. My name is Bob and I am on my way to a dress up party."

A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. After weeks of training the young got to jump out of his first plane. The man watched people ahead of him go and when it was his turn to jump he got scared and sat back down. The troop leader said to the young man, "IF YOU DON''T JUMP OUT OF THIS PLANE I'LL STICK MY DICK UP YOUR ASS!"
A few weeks later the young man returned home and told his father what happened and he said, "did you jump?"
The boy said, "A little at first!"

A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls.
The friend sees this and says, "Man, I sure wish I could do that."
The dog owner says, "Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first."

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?" The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?" The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

One evening a couple of old friends decided to get tattoo’s after a long night of drinking. The first guy asked the tattoo artist to put the name of his wife on his arm. After the artist had finished, he ask the second guy if he wanted the name of his wife on his arm too. He decided the he wanted a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The artist ask what in the hell for. The second man replied, "first of all I always like playing with my money, second I like to watch money grow, and finally the next time my wife blows a hundred dollars I won't mind so much.