Dawn's Dumb Wish
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I haven’t hurt any one (well, I made Spike bang his shins on a bucket, but that’s it).
RATING: PG-13 for swearing and nudity.
PAIRINGS: Willow/Tara, Giles/Anya
SPOILERS: Everything up to the end of season 6.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I’m going to say yes.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please - [email protected]
PROPS: Regina Welch, who very kindly beta’d this story and helped make it way, way better by pointing out the missing jokes, drawing my attention sternly to roving POVs, and laying down the law on active/passive verbs.
Dumbsaint whose “Once More, All Naked, All Gay” is a) brilliant and b) got me thinking about nakedness and gayness.
Drbutterfrogg, whose ridiculously addictive “Wacky Adventures of the Buffybot” were quite clearly on my mind.
All the authors of the enormous amounts of Buffy fanfic - good and bad - that I have been consuming recently, in a sick compulsive fashion.
Chapter 3
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Anya offhandedly, “everyone’s showing up naked today. Wait, did you say Giles? Here’s here? And he’s naked?” She surged forward, trying to pull the door open. Willow clung on firmly.
“I really would appreciate something to wear before you all pile in here.” Buffy snatched up her leather coat again from the counter and handed it to Willow. The door closed, then reopened. Willow stepped through and drew the door to behind her, looking very 60s in her leather mini dress.
“Well hello, Mrs Peel!” Spike leered at her from across the counter.
Willow looked down at herself doubtfully, “I really don’t think this is my look”.
“Pity,” said Spike. “It’s miles better than your usual godawful fuggly look.”
Willow cast him an unfriendly glance. “You’re back then, I see. Um, we need to look after Giles - he hasn’t really come round yet.” Four hands reached towards the doorknob. “Hey guys, I don’t think Giles would want you all to see him naked. Maybe Xander should...” Anya brushed Willow aside and piled through the door. Giles lay on his back, spread-eagled like a man sunbathing on a beach - a nudist beach that is.
“Hey look,” Anya said excitedly, “Giles has a hairy chest! I like a hairy chest on a man.” She looked scornfully back at Xander, who tugged at his shirt self-consciously, and at Spike who flexed his pecs in unconscious defiance. “And, he’s uncir....” She looked around at the sea of faces at the door. “Hey! Out of here! All of you - you should be ashamed of yourselves. Out!” The Scoobies sheepishly allowed themselves to be pushed out of the door, which Anya shut with an emphatic bang.
There was a pause. “Um, how come Anya has shut herself inside the room?” asked Xander. They looked at one another. Xander threw the door open again. Anya was stooped over Giles’ unconscious body. She straightened up sharply, “I said you should leave him alone.”
“Yeah Anya, and what are you doing exactly?” said Buffy sarcastically.
“Yeah Anya,” Dawn chimed in, “I don’t see you covering him up anytime soon.” Buffy turned round to Dawn, reminded of her presence.
“Now, you should definitely not be looking.”
Xander stepped forward, unbuttoning his shocking pink and green tartan plaid shirt, which he laid discreetly across Giles’ middle.
Giles sat up with a groan. “What happened? Who, or indeed what, hit me? Oh Lord, my poor head.” He focused gradually on his surroundings, and the sea of familiar faces regarding him. He sighed and pulled himself up a little more, “Well of course I should have expected that I’d be in Sunnydale somehow, since I have apparently suffered yet another head wound. Silly me.”
“Well yes,” said Buffy, “but you have to admit something is new - you don’t usually lose your clothes as well.”
Giles looked down at the searing pink and acid green check of the shirt covering his middle. “Now, that must be Xander’s he said musingly. He paused, “Oh God, just when he did put it there?” Anya was thrilled to see that Giles blushed right down to his nipples. Ooh, embarrassing fair skinned people when they were naked was so much fun!
There was a sudden scream from the shop of, “Tara!” Buffy looked round. Willow had obviously tired of standing by the door, and had ventured into the main body of the shop. Buffy raced back out of the door, closely followed by Dawn and Xander.
“Oh that’s all right,” said Giles bitterly, “I’m absolutely fine. No need to worry about me. I’ll just wait here a few moments until the world stops spinning and the chap in my head using the jackhammer decides to go for his lunch break...”
“I’m still here, Rupert,” said Anya, and she bent down to look meaningfully into his eyes.
Meanwhile the rest of the scoobies skidded to a halt in the middle of the shop floor. Willow had thrown herself into Tara’s arms and was sobbing into her shoulder. “Tara, Tara, you’re here, you’re back, you smell wonderful! You look wonderful! Oh, this is perfect. Everything in the world is perfect.” Willow grabbed Tara firmly by the lapels of her mackintosh and smothered her face in kisses. “I’ve missed you so much, when you died I just went crazy. In fact,” Willow paused, and looked briefly embarrassed, “in fact we’ll have to talk about that - unless you were looking down from heaven and saw everything, and you’ve forgiven me?” she asked hopefully.
Tara pulled away and sat abruptly in a nearby chair, feeling very flustered. Willow followed her and latched on again. Tara pressed herself back into her chair as far as she could go. The skinny redheaded lunatic was sitting in her lap - and that leather coat was very short - it was really very difficult not to look.. and what was with the kissing, and the stuff about heaven? The poor girl was obviously delusional - ok and now her hand really should not be there. She took hold of Willow’s hand firmly, and it immediately turned in her grip so that their fingers interlaced. Tara softened slightly, that felt almost familiar somehow.
“Um, Willow?” Buffy said delicately, “Tara’s having a little trouble remembering stuff just at the moment. I’m thinking it might be something to do with, you know, her having been dead.”
Tara tensed up again. That was the second time someone had said that she’d been dead. Well, she thought, obviously that was nonsense, but they all seemed to be living in the same fantasy world. She felt a quiver of unease. Perhaps she wasn’t this person called Tara, if Tara had died. Maybe she just looked like her, and these guys were getting confused... yeah, right, her inner self said sarcastically, you had an identical twin called Tara - that’s probably how it was. Two identical twins called Tara, and... Sara. That sounded dumb enough - Tara and Sara, seperated at birth, brought back together by tragedy.
A derisive snort passed Tara’s lips, and Willow squirmed a little in her lap as she tried to see Tara’s expression...
“Right then, just what the bloody hell is going on here?” Giles strode out in to the shop, Anya a pace behind him. He wore Xander’s shocking plaid shirt around his middle, tied to form a rather rakish kilt.
Chapter 4 trailer: Giles takes charge and discovers a) that Dawn has been stupid (duh!) and b) that Tara is alive and well. You get to admire Willow and Tara’s legs. Buffy discovers Anya’s secret passion. Oh, and there’s a lot of shouting.
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