Dawn's Dumb Wish
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I haven’t hurt any one (well, I made Spike bang his shins on a bucket, but that’s it).
RATING: PG-13 for swearing and nudity.
PAIRINGS: Willow/Tara, Giles/Anya
SPOILERS: Everything up to the end of season 6.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I’m going to say yes.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please - [email protected]
PROPS: Regina Welch, who very kindly beta’d this story and helped make it way, way better by pointing out the missing jokes, drawing my attention sternly to roving POVs, and laying down the law on active/passive verbs.
Dumbsaint whose “Once More, All Naked, All Gay” is a) brilliant and b) got me thinking about nakedness and gayness.
Drbutterfrogg, whose ridiculously addictive “Wacky Adventures of the Buffybot” were quite clearly on my mind.
All the authors of the enormous amounts of Buffy fanfic - good and bad - that I have been consuming recently, in a sick compulsive fashion.
Chapter 4
“That’s what I said five minutes ago - but nobody listened, as per bloody usual.” Spike leapt down from the shop counter, where he had been listlessly flicking through Anya’s Good Shopkeeping magazine. He reached into the pocket of Giles’ sweatpants for his cigarettes, and coming up empty, he scowled at everyone.
“Well, obviously there is a spell at work here. Now we need to find out just exactly who has ensorcelled us, and to what end. I suggest...”
“We already know all that,“ said Xander impatiently, “Dawn ensorc... did the spell because she wanted Tara back.”
“Tara is dead,” said Giles sternly, “and she will remain so. We cannot palter with the forces of God and nature.”
“I told you, knucklehead,” said Buffy.
“Well she’s here, isn’t she?” said Dawn sulkily.
“What?!” shouted Giles, for once lost for words.
Xander moved aside and allowed Giles an unobstructed view of Tara, who was now standing behind the table (because the guy in the kilt was just scary...), looking very stylish in Anya’s belted tan mackintosh, holding hands rather absentmindedly with Willow, and looking alternately embarrassed and apprehensive.
“But this is terrible! This is insane! - Er, hello Tara, so nice to see you again.” Tara gave an uncertain little wave - it was best to humour him, she felt. And at least he hadn’t painted himself blue or anything, that was encouraging.
Giles turned back to Dawn, “However, this, this twisting of nature is bound, bound to have extremely serious consequences. Have you forgotten what happened here only two months ago? You fatheaded little idiot!”
“Well, I said knucklehead” remarked Buffy, “but fathead is good too.”
Dawn’s ears were burning again, and her cheeks, “You are all so mean. And anyway, it worked, and nothing terrible has happened, except for some people getting naked and teleported and stuff. Personally, I don’t see why you’re all getting so worked up.”
Anya scooped the pendant up from the table top and handed it to Giles. “She,” she pointed accusingly at Dawn, “found this in Tara’s stuff, and she made a wish on it. It has an inscription, in Latin.”
Giles took the pendant. “Let’s see what it says...” he looked up, “bugger, my glasses are still in England.”
“Wait a minute,” said Buffy staring at the pendant worriedly and then around the shop at the various disgruntled people there, “this isn’t one of those spells where we all get herded into one place and then we can’t get out again, is it? Because I really, really hated that.” She rushed to the door of the Magic Box and wrenched it open violently. The door crashed to the floor, torn completely off its hinges, as the bell jingled madly above it. Buffy stepped over it and out into the evening gloom, then stepped back in and propped the door more or less into place. “Oops.”
“Oh my God!” shouted Anya, “what is it with you anyway? Can’t you stay in a place for five minutes with starting to smash it down? You are sick in the head, Buffy. I don’t like to have to say this, but you are-”
“And you go veiny the second anyone says ‘I wish’ anywhere near you - how sane and balanced is that?” Buffy shouted back.
Anya’s face flushed purple. “There it goes!” shouted Buffy.
Anya swallowed, then spoke through clenched teeth. “this is not my demonic visage, you ignorant little college dropout! You are merely very aggravating, and it is affecting my blood pressure. God only knows how Giles has managed to put up with you all these years without developing hypertension - poor love.”
“When did this conversation suddenly become about Giles? I didn’t even mention Giles!” said Buffy. She paused. “Oh, oh.... I think someone’s got a crush on someone!”
“Shut up!” screamed Anya.
“Ladies, please,” Giles said wearily, “let’s just all calm down, perhaps have a cup of tea,” Buffy shuddered. “And talk this over quietly and logically.”
Chapter 5 trailer: Spike sensitive readers will notice that I have given them Spike with no shirt on for three solid chapters now (sorry about the sweatpants). Well - there’s more of the same in this chapter. Readers who don’t want to see Spike with no shirt on should avert their gaze - oh, you’ve just spotted Giles with no shirt on? Sorry again. Anyway, this chapter is about Dawn’s wish, and tea, and nakedness, and a very interesting discussion about who is or is not a Scooby. At the end there is an important revelation.
Feedback is very welcome!
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