Buffybot in Tabula Rasa
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: This fic is set during the events of 'Tabula Rasa' in BtVS Series 6, when the Scoobies temporarily lose their memories. I've twiddled with the time sequence in the episode a tiny bit, but just call it artistic licence.
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Joss. I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in reasonably good condition, and only slightly used.
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Buffybot Behind Bars!, but it can perfectly well be read as a stand-alone.
SCENE: A house in Sunnydale
Chapter Ten
The Scooby gang had gathered around the shop counter of the Magic Box as they pondered their next move. It was all very well to say they were going to find Jonathan - but how to do it?
“A tracking spell!” said Buffybot. She gazed with bright eyed approval at Willow and Tara. They didn’t remember how to do one, of course - but she knew every last detail! “Jonathan’s going to be really excited and happy to see us,” she said happily. “He thinks you’re all in Oxford, England, fighting the terrible Vindaloo Monster! Poor, brave little Jonathan, trying to keep the streets of Sunnydale safe all by himself.” She looked around her at the various heavily stacked shelves. “There should be everything here that we need,” she said, and bustled over to a stack of drawers, and started pulling them out.
Crash! The shutters covering the Magic Box window were flung back with tremendous force. Well drilled by now, everyone threw themselves to the ground - and just as well, because an axe flew across the room and embedded itself in the wall above the shop counter.
The shutters clattered back in a tumultuous screech of tortured metal, the metal slats irretrievably warped and torn, and there was sound of heavy footsteps retreating.
Anya jumped to her feet and shook her fist. “You mindless savages!” she yelled, “Have you no respect for property? When I catch you I am going to do terrible, terrible things to your entrails!”
Rupert, still crouched on the shop floor, patted her leg. “There, there, my dear,” he said soothingly, “we’re bound to be the kind of sensible and responsible shop owners who have property insurance.”
Anya tilted her head. “That’s true,” she said, a little mollified. “But I still think hanging’s too good for them.” She glared at the warped and battered shutters, a variety of colourful and gruesome revenges running through her head.
Buffy and Spike had also regained their feet, and Spike moved to lever the axe from out of the wall. He gave a little exclamation. “There’s a note!” he cried, “taped to the axe.” He pulled it from the wall with a little jerk, and laid it on the counter. Everybody slowly got up off the floor, dusted themselves off and gathered around.
“Well, if they wanted to send us a note, what was wrong with putting it through the letter box?” said Anya, bristling again. Giles laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I suppose they were trying to add some emphasis," he said gently.
"Pity they haven't heard of italics," said Willow brightly. She looked at the stony faces around her. "Never mind, just my little joke."
Buffy carefully detached a grubby piece of paper that had been taped to the axe head with duct tape. She read it, and a puzzled frown wrinkled her forehead. She handed it to Giles. “You’re the foreign language expert, apparently.”
Giles spread the page on the counter for all to read.
If you wont yor short ass scuba bak giv us the kitens.
Sined, 'Big' Pussy Contralto, (Vampyr)
The Scoobies stared at one another in wild surmise.
“Short ass scuba?” said Giles, “Why on earth do they think we want a small oxygen tank?”
"And there's a vampire out there called Big Pussy?" said Xander, a smirk beginning to form on his features. "He must get in a hell of a lot of bar fights!"
"And presumably he's won them all," said Spike portentiously. "I'm guessing he's a big mean bloodsucking fiend, all right."
There was a brief cowed silence - and then a horrified gasp from Buffybot, who having perused the message, had now picked up the axe from the table.
“Oh no!” she cried, gazing at the shiny axe blade in her hand. “This is Jonathan's!" She turned to Buffy, "Well, actually it's yours," she said conscientiously, "but Jonathan was borrowing it. And a Big Pussy has kidnapped him! Poor, poor little Jonathan must have gone off to fight the vampires all by his tiny bravehearted little self!” Her lower lip trembled.
"Don't worry, Lara, said Tara comfortingly, moving up to put an arm around Buffybot's shoulders. "I'm sure Buffy here - and all the rest of us - will go save Jonathan, just as soon as we have that tracking spell up and running."
"You betcha!" said Buffy. She looked across at Tara and Buffybot, as they stood together looking mournfully at the shiny little axe, and turned to face her remaining companions as they clustered around the table. "All for one and one for all!" she declared, "the Scoobies do not desert their own!"
"No we darn well don't!" cried Willow.
"Heck, no!" echoed Xander.
"Yay us!" cried Dawn.
"Abso-bloody-lutely not!" said Spike.
"No indeed!" said Giles, "we wouldn't dream of it."
Anya raised an eyebrow. Saving this Jonathan fellow was all very well, but she also intended to make sure her shop was looked after. “Well, I don’t think we should be sitting chanting and waving beads in the air, while a bunch of demons train a bazooka on the shop,” she said, glaring about at the peppy Slayer gang. “It would be much better if the super heroes among us,” she looked hard at Buffy, “got out there and mixed it with them!”
“I am not getting blown up by a bazooka just to protect your precious magic store!” said Buffy. “We need a plan, and some idea of where Jonathan is, before we try anything. So the spell comes first.”
Buffybot hurried back to the shelf and began to assemble the ingredients. She’d seen Willow and Tara do this lots of times!
Dawn looked around at the shop once more. The whole place was so weird. “Well, anyhow, shouldn’t there be something in this place that can help us in the fight? Magic charms, or amulets, or weapons, or something?” She looked around her disparagingly, “some of this junk has got to be good for something.”
“Junk?” said Giles indignantly.
“Junk?!!” said Anya. “this is inventory, not junk! My word, I can see you’ve never worked in retail, my girl.”
“The weapons are in the training room,” said Buffybot absently. She looked up for a moment, and beamed at them. “I’m super good at training!”
Xander followed her pointing finger, and threw open the training room door.
“Holy Moly!” he gasped.
Buffy, Spike and Dawn crowded into the room behind him, and stopped, transfixed by the collection of axes, knives and swords that were bolted to the wall.
“Now this is more like it!” said Buffy, pleased. She took down a sword, and swished it.
Spike took reverent hold of a huge double headed axe. "Never mind stakes!" he said.
"Or spikes," muttered Dawn sotto voce.
Spike darted a guilty glance at her, his pleasure in the pretty shiny axe gone. He held on to it nonetheless, and walked away to brood a little.
"Well, it's all cool of course," said Xander after a moment's survey, "but where are the guns? Guns would be good."
At that moment there was a triumphant cry from the shop. Buffy, Xander, and Dawn ran toward it, to find Willow and Tara sitting crosslegged on the table, hand in hand, a glowing green jewel suspended in the air between them. Giles and Anya stood at a safe distance, observing.
"This is so cool," cooed Willow, her eyes glowing. "I like being a witch!" Tara's lips twitched in response, and they grinned at each other.
Buffybot clapped her hands. "You made a hot/cold stone!" she said happily. "Yay!"
Somewhat reluctantly Willow let go of Tara's hand, and reached out to catch the stone as it fell. She held it out to Buffy. "It grows warmer or cooler in your hand the closer or further you get from Jonathan," she said proudly. "If it gets too hot to hold, you're probably standing on him."
"Right!" said Buffy in a firm take-charge voice, "so this is my plan!" She darted a quick glance at Giles to see if he was going to kick up about her running things, since he was her 'Watcher' and all. But he remained silent, simply taking hold of Anya's hand and tilting his head attentively.
A pleased smile spread over Buffy’s face. Being in charge was cool!
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