Buffybot Behind Bars
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: The summer before the start of season 6. Buffy is gone, Buffybot is doing her best to fill the gap.
DISCLAIMER: The only characters who belong to me are the ones you’ve never heard of before. Otherwise, I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in good condition, and only slightly used...
Chapter 8: Buffybot in Stir
The Scoobies hung around the house, kicking their heels. Giles was off at the Town Hall, demanding to see the Mayor. Tara had filled him in on the remainder of events in the courtroom following his own abrupt exit, and he had an idea.
“Well, maybe she won’t have it so bad,” said Willow.
Tara shivered, “Oh, prison’s bad all right. Sadistic warders and fellow prisoners preying on you, and things going on in the showers, and riots, and all sorts.”
“In Sunnydale Women’s Penitentiary?” said Willow doubtfully.
“Anywhere,” said Tara soberly. “Women’s prisons stink.”
Willow frowned; she wondered if Tara had ever been...
“Oh no, no. I don’t know first hand,” said Tara. “But there’s movies about it.” Her eyes shifted guiltily to the battered packing box in the corner, containing the last of her stuff.
“OMG,” said Xander excitedly, you haven’t got “Women in Prison” have you?
Tara flushed. “Yeah, I bought it thinking, you know.....”
“Naked girls, communal showers,” said Xander reverently.
Tara coughed.
“Tara,” said Willow teasingly, “have you been buying soft porn?”
Tara blushed bright red, “No!” she shouted, “It is not soft porn! It’s an exploitation flick - that’s totally different.” She shifted, shamefaced, “anyway, I didn’t like it. Everyone was so mean...”
They looked at each other. “Perhaps we should watch it,” said Xander, “just so we know what Buffybot might be getting into.”
“Well, we haven’t got anything better to do until Giles gets back.” said Anya. “I’ll get the popcorn.”
..............
Buffybot tagged along behind Miss Bozell, the Corrections Officer, newly kitted out in blue denim and with a prison issue towel and toiletries tucked under her arm. They stopped at an open door. “Right, Buffy,” said Miss Bozell, “these are your cell mates. The short petty criminal on your left is Sal and the tall petty criminal on your right is Trixie. She scowled at them. “Don’t trust either of them an inch,” she said darkly to Buffybot, “although, they’re going to have to explain the prison routine to you - because frankly I can’t be bothered.” She turned on her heel and swept away, leaving Buffybot facing her two new companions.
As Miss Bozell moved down the corridor Sal crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue at her retreating back, and Trixie made a rude gesture. Buffybot giggled guiltily; gosh, she could see she’d fallen in with a rough crowd! Sal was small and round and shiny brown all over. Trixie was lanky and yellowish, with a shock of green hair, like a stick of celery left a little too long in the fridge.
“Hey,” said Buffybot brightly to Sal, “you have no hair!” She turned to Trixie, “and you have green hair!”
“Well, aren’t you observant,” said Trixie.
Buffybot smiled happily. “Yes, I am observant! Super-observant, and super-vigilant too! Evil things cannot stand against me!” She lowered her voice, “but you were real brave to make faces at Miss Bozell like that - I think she’s mean!”
“Well, I resent being called a petty criminal,” said Trixie.
“And I resent being called short,” said Sal.
“You are kinda short,” said Buffybot, “though not as short as me!” she added happily.
Sal grinned at her. “I can see you’re the well adjusted type, Buffy.”
Buffybot nodded. “Willow has adjusted me very well. She’s very brainy!”
“Who’s Willow?” said Trixie.
“Ooh!” Buffybot was thrilled, she loved talking about Willow! “Willow’s my best friend. I live with her - and Tara and Dawn - and she looks after me. And she services me regularly.”
Trixie nudged Sal. “So Willow’s your girlfriend, huh?”
“No, no.” Buffybot laughed indulgently, “Tara is her girlfriend. Tara’s super nice. They do spells together.”
“Spells?” said Sal inquisitively.
“Yes!” said Buffybot, “they’re witches. White witches, of course,” she said reassuringly, “they hardly ever kill things.”
“Wiccans, huh?” said Trixie. She grinned at Sal, who cocked an eyebrow. “All with the worshipping the Goddess, and the naked chanting on the full moon, and shit?”
Buffybot considered; she hadn’t actually seen Tara and Willow chanting naked, but it sounded Wiccan and all. “Maybe,” she said cautiously. “But mainly I think they get naked to have sex. And to have showers,” she added brightly.
“Nice to know they’re up on personal hygiene,” said Trixie. She pushed away from the wall she was leaning against and crossed the small space to where Buffybot stood. “You get the bottom bunk - I hope you don’t snore?”
“I don’t think so,” said Buffybot dubiously. “I just close my eyes and lie very still.” She moved across to the empty bunk and looked at the bare wall surrounding it. She bent down and peeked under the bunk, watched bemusedly by Trixie and Sal, then straightened up again with a little bounce. “Where’s the socket?”
Sal tilted her head. “No sockets, Buffy. Just in case someone tries to electrocute themselves, or burn the place down. We have a light switch and that’s it.” She smiled, “what were you going to plug in anyway? Got a set of curling tongs hiding under that towel?”
Buffybot shook her head, “no, I don’t need curling tongs - my hair’s naturally curly! And very pretty! I was going to put my finger in the socket. It’s not very efficient but I think I could get some kinda charge...”
Trixie stopped smiling, “hey, you don’t have to do anything extreme, Buffy. You can stick it out, kid.”
“Well, said Buffybot doubtfully, “I don’t know... maybe I could.”
“Sure you can,” said Sal bracingly, “it’s not so bad, once you get used to the cabbage smell.”
“Well, ok,” said Buffybot, arranging her towel and toiletries neatly on the bunk. “But the judge said I could recharge my batteries. He should have checked before he said that.”
.........
The credits of “Women in Prison” were rolling. Tara was off in the kitchen, calming her nerves by baking lemon meringue pie, but Xander, Anya and Willow were sitting in a row on the sofa.
“Well, I’m sure real women’s prisons aren’t like that,” said Willow, twisting a tissue nervously in her hands. “I mean, all the sadism, and the nakedness and the bloody rioting...”
“They’re probably worse, said Xander, stuffing another Nacho into his mouth, “there must be stuff they couldn’t show. Have you seen Oz? That’s a guy’s prison, but still.”
“What would actually happen if someone gave Buffybot a rectal examination?” said Anya interestedly. She tossed a piece of popcorn up into the air and caught it neatly.
“I don’t know,” said Willow, “but if they tried anything like what happened in the shower scene, well - someone could get electrocuted.”
Chapter 9: Buffybot Makes Some New Friends
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