Buffybot Behind Bars
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: The summer before the start of season 6. Buffy is gone, Buffybot is doing her best to fill the gap.
DISCLAIMER: The only characters who belong to me are the ones you’ve never heard of before. Otherwise, I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in good condition, and only slightly used...
Chapter 9: Buffybot Makes Some New Friends
Buffybot sat with Trixie and Sal at a long dining table in the prison refectory. It was ever so exciting! She’d lined up at a counter and they’d given her food - and a mug of coffee! Dawn wasn’t allowed to drink coffee - but she could! Plus she’d never seen so many people in one place before, and they were all wearing the same shirt. Buffybot laughed to herself - it was a good thing they weren’t all going to a party together! She took a big gulp of the coffee, and then spluttered helplessly. Sal banged her on the back.
“It helps to swallow when you’re drinking, Buffy.” Trixie handed Buffybot a pile of paper napkins to clean up the spillage. “Actually, Buffy’s a kinda funny name - I haven’t heard it before.”
“Trixie’s a funny name too,” said Buffybot as she wiped up the mess. “I only know one other Trixie, and she’s a toy poodle.”
Sal choked on her coffee. Trixie picked up another pile of napkins and handed them over.
“She lives with Mrs Bercoswki down the street from me,” Buffybot continued; "she’s really cute - she has a pink ribbon, and a tartan ribbon, and sometimes Mrs Bercoswki dyes her hair pink for shows and stuff...”
Sal glanced across at Trixie. “Does Mrs Bercowski ever dye her Trixie’s hair green?”
Buffybot considered. “I don’t think so... although maybe on St Patrick’s Day she would. She’s one sixteenth Irish - she told me!”
“Trixie?”
“Oh no, Mrs Bercowski,” said Buffybot. “I think poodles are French.”
“Know any dogs called Sal, Buffy?” said Trixie. “Apart from this one?”
Sal grabbed Trixie by the neck and they fell to the floor.
Buffy looked on benignly as Sal attempted to bang Trixie’s head against the table leg. So this was horseplay! She’d wondered exactly what that was. Maybe we can sneak out of our cells later and have a midnight feast? she thought wistfully.
...........
Meanwhile, the Summers household was awash with nervous people. Mr Ormsbach, Dawn’s social worker, was coming to see Buffy on Monday afternoon to discuss Dawn’s care - and it was beginning to look as though she wouldn’t be there to greet him.
Willow had been trying desperately to program sensible replies for Buffybot to use in the interview - she wasn’t entirely sure how successful she’d been, but things were now much, much worse. If Mr Ormsbach heard even a whisper that Buffy had been arrested, Dawn was going to be in foster care. He’d interviewed Dawn the previous week, with Willow playing chaperone, but this was the crunch meeting.
Giles slammed through the door, and sank into an armchair.
“Well,” he said bitterly, “that was a waste of my time. The Mayor is apparently shark fishing off the Coast - I would have thought he met enough sharks during the week. The Deputy Mayor is fundraising, by playing golf, and cannot be disturbed. The Mayor’s personal office is closed for fumigation - apparently they have a lingering spider problem.” He drew himself up wearily. “Never mind, I’ll try the District Attorney’s office next. Somebody in this benighted town must work on a Saturday.”
“Are you getting anywhere at all?” said Tara anxiously, “because we’ve been doing some sums about how long Bottie’s batteries will last, and it doesn’t look good.”
“If I can only get to speak to someone,” Giles said, “I fancy the wheels will be set in motion pretty quickly.” He tapped the folder under his arm significantly, The Americans With Disabilities Act, he said - that will terrify the lot of ’em - ha!” He picked up the phone with a determined air.
The Scoobies stood in a little knot, watching him.
“We can’t wait for Giles to go the official route,” whispered Willow, agitated. “Bottie’s batteries will be running down right now as we speak. Soon our little Energiser Bunny will not be banging her drum anymore!”
Anya shuddered, her mind taking her to a very scary place.
“It’s hard to see how she can last until Monday,” said Tara doubtfully. “She must have used up a lot of energy with that sword play, and if she’s under stress now....”
Everyone’s mind turned to the shower scene, and they flinched in unison.
“Poor Buffybot!” said Tara. “We have to help her. She’s so sweet, she won’t understand if they’re mean to her.”
“Right,” said Xander decisively, “we're gonna have to break her out - it’s the only way. Willow can build her a new head, or a new face or, or something, and the cops will never know it’s her. This Mr Ormsbach guy's never met her so he won’t know the difference.”
“I suppose it’s possible,” said Willow dubiously, “but you know, I’ve never actually built a robot head.”
“Hey, so what?" said Xander bracingly, “you’re Will the uber geek. Computers quail before you...” He bowed to Willow. “All Hail, Queen of the Geek People!”
“Hm,” said Willow. “I am good at stuff, it’s true....”
“Yeah," said Xander. "After all if Warren could do it, I'm sure you could." He left that one dangling for a while, looking hopefully at his friend. "Ah, come on, Will,” he wheedled, “you don’t even have to build a complete new head, just a new face. How hard can it be?”
Tara sent him a very sharp look; she could see Willow was getting hooked. “I’m thinking way hard, Xander,” she said. She drew a deep breath, “but I agree we need to get Buffybot out. Who knows what terrible things might be happening to her?”
Chapter 10: Plotting in Progress
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