Buffybot Behind Bars
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: The summer before the start of season 6. Buffy is gone, Buffybot is doing her best to fill the gap.
DISCLAIMER: The only characters who belong to me are the ones you’ve never heard of before. Otherwise, I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in good condition, and only slightly used...
Chapter 3: Buffybot is Booked
“We have a joker here for you,” Sarge, said Sid, leaning heavily on the counter. He placed a plastic evidence bag containing Buffybot’s sword, and its harness, on the counter. He sighed - he was tired, and stressed, and if he didn’t get this drug addled psycho off his hands soon, he was going to be guilty of police brutality.
Buffybot glowed; she knew he’d like the one about what to do if you saw a space man (park in it, man!) She’d remembered it as they drew into the parking lot and shared it with Sid as they’d walked through the door. He hadn’t laughed at the time, but clearly he’d appreciated it!
The sergeant bent forward over his desk. His nose twitched, and he drew back slightly.
“Ah yes, said Sid. He shifted against the counter, and wiped his hands absently on his jacket. “She also appears to have fallen into a stagnant pond, or a sewer or something.”
“And what has our stinky little joker been up to?” asked the sergeant.
Sid flipped open his note book. “Suspicion of burglary, possession of a deadly weapon, assault on a peace officer, resisting arrest.”
“My, we have been busy tonight, haven’t we?” said the sergeant.
“Yes I have! I’ve been killing demons,” said Buffybot brightly. “And I’m sorry I scared you,” she said kindly to Sid, “but you just appeared in a crowd of demons and it took me a moment to realise you weren’t a servant of evil.” She chuckled, “It’s a good thing I realised when I did. I nearly cut your head off!”
The sergeant looked at Sid. “My, we really have been busy, I see. Hanging out with demons now, are we Sid?”
Sid sighed again. “Reid and I were in pursuit of a number of suspects in a burglary case (‘damn kids,’ he said under his breath). They made off through the cemetery, we set off after them - and we’d have caught them too, if this little acid head hadn’t got in the way.”
The sergeant looked down at the charge sheet on his desk. He tapped the sword on the counter lightly and looked up at Buffybot. “Is this yours?”
“Yes!” said Buffybot eagerly. “Giles gave it to me! It is so-oo cool, and it’s wicked sharp! I could cut your arm off and you wouldn’t even feel it! At first, anyway,” she added honestly.
“I see” said the sergeant. He made a note. “And did you swing it at Officer Kaminsky here?”
Buffy laughed, “Goodness me, no. He just stuck his head in the way!” Buffybot leaned forward confidentially, “he was wearing a little cap that said ‘Police’ on it, but he’s taken it off now. It’s a pity because he looked real cute in it!”
The sergeant smirked across at Sid, “Gee, Sid, maybe you should put your cap on again. Since it makes you look all cute and all.”
“I think he should too!” said Buffybot.
Sid balled his cap in his fists and twisted it. Think of your pension he muttered to himself, think of your pension.
The sergeant held his grin for a moment, then turned back to Buffybot. “Ok, there’s plenty here to hold you on, Miss...” He looked back at Sid. “Have we got a name?”
Sid put his crushed cap on the counter and flipped open his notebook. “No ID, but she says she’s called Buffy Bott, and she’s given me an address.”
“Right, Miss Bott,” the sergeant said, “You’ll be staying in the cells overnight, then you can explain all about those pesky demons to the judge tomorrow.”
Buffybot was alarmed. “I’m awfully sorry,” she said earnestly, “but I can’t stay with you all night. I need to get home to Willow and the others. Can’t I come back tomorrow and explain it all to the judge?”
The sergeant looked up. “Is Willow a dependant? You know, like your kid or something? ”
“Oh no,” said Buffybot, “I’m dependent on Willow. I live with her, and she looks after me, and gives me a fix from time to time.”
“Show me your arms,” said the sergeant, suddenly businesslike.
Buffybot waved her arms merrily above her head.
“See,” said Sid tiredly, “a joker.”
The sergeant frowned, “I want to see your bare arms.”
Buffybot stopped waving. “Well, ok,” she said obligingly. She drew off her leather jacket, and half dried purple gunk cracked off and hit the floor with a splat. The stench was incredible.
The sergeant staggered back with a handkerchief to his nose, and Sid made a little choking sound. Buffybot pulled her sleeves up to mid bicep and gazed down admiringly. “I have very pretty arms,” she said, “don’t you think?”
The sergeant and Sid looked at each other, no track marks. “Well,” said the sergeant, “it’s possible you’re a psychiatric case. And it’s possible you’re just a smart ass. The judge can sort it out in the morning.” His nose twitched involuntarily again, “Meanwhile we definitely need to put that jacket somewhere airtight.”
“Ok,” said Buffybot cheerily. She reached out and took hold of her sword, still in its evidence bag on the counter.
“Freeze!” screamed Sid, falling into a crouch as his hand went for his gun.
A deathly hush fell on the charge room. Officers turned, hands on guns. Every eye in the room focused on Buffybot’s shiny blonde head.
Buffybot looked around, surprised, “I just thought this bag would do,” she said, “for my jacket.”
Chapter 4: Bad News and Good News and Bad News
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