Buffybot's Birthday Adventure
RATING: PG-13 for sex.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, to [email protected]
PAIRINGS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I'm going to say yes.
PROPS: Miss Murchison and Chartophile for the beta. Thanks!
SPOILERS: None. This is set pre-season 6.
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I’m just poking fun.
Chapter 6 - Let's Chase the Dinosaur!
There was a long pause.
"Uh, why?" asked Xander-dog.
"To find the evil demon sorcerer of course," said Buffybot. "Then Tara can make him undo your doggy spell, and send us back through the portal."
"And then we can kill him," said Anya. "Horribly."
"Hmm," said Tara. "I see what you're getting at, Bottie."
"What?" said Xander-dog. "I don't. And I may not be the brightest puppy in the litter, but I don't think I'm missing anything here. Summoning spell, check; humiliate Xander spell, check; Scoobies stomped by dinosaur, check. Connection with chasing terrifying, enormous, probably man-eating, and dog-eating beast, no check. Or am I just being dumb? It's happened before."
Tara bent down and scratched Xander-dog's neck. "You're not being dumb at all," she said soothingly. "It's just that the dinosaur doesn't belong here, any more than we do. This isn't a Jurassic forest. The plants are modern, and there are monkeys." She looked across at Buffybot, who nodded enthusiastically.
"Cute monkeys," she said, "with really long arms and little white faces."
Tara nodded. "The dinosaur probably got summoned from elsewhere and elsewhen, just like us." She looked around at the shattered forest, "Someone's causing a lot of mischief here."
"And they need to be taught a lesson," said Anya, feeling the end of her spear lovingly, “I vote for evisceration."
"So Buffybot is thinking that following the dinosaur might bring us to whoever summoned it," said Tara. Buffybot nodded eagerly again. Tara was so smart!
"And it might," continued Tara, "but it would be very difficult to do." She gestured, and they all looked at the wreckage left behind by the giganotosaurus. Tree trunks, and branches, and the leaved crowns of a hundred trees lay at crazy angles all around them, obscuring the track, and stretching off as far as the eye could see.
"I could do it!" said Buffybot brightly. "I'm very strong."
Tara smiled. "I bet you could, Bottie." She drew a deep breath, "But fortunately I've managed to get a good result with a spell."
"Well, hallelujah," muttered Anya. "Little Miss Goodbody finally remembered that she's a Creature of Power."
............
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Dawn stood with arms folded, watching as Willow made a little cut in her own finger, and squeezed a drop of blood into the tiny crucible in front of her, in which lay several long golden hairs, and various smelly leaves, simmering beneath a very non magical Bunsen burner.
Willow's shoulders hunched. "If you don't stop asking dumb questions I'm going to add a few drops of your blood in here ... ooh!" She brightened. "Actually, that's not a bad idea. Virgin's blood has a lot of potential power because of its purity." She looked over at Dawn, who had grimaced at the word 'virgin' and then again at 'purity'. "That's ritual purity by the way, not any reflection on your character. Luckily." She turned and stepped towards Dawn, knife in hand.
Dawn blushed. Did Willow have to get so personal? Grownups talking about stuff like that was so gross. And what was the 'character' crack about? Was that the shoplifting thing again? She looked up. Willow had moved toward her, looking purposeful. "Hey!" she said, backing off. "I'm not giving you my blood, no way."
"Not even to save Tara? And Xander? And Anya? And Buffybot?" Willow had sidled closer with each question. Dawn back-pedalled frantically until her back was against the wall. Where the hell were Giles and Spike when she needed them?
.............
"It's a people seeking spell," said Tara, "It should find any people within a hundred mile radius." Anya, Xander-dog and Buffybot bunched together, watching her with interest. She held the two ends of the cleft stick rather sheepishly between the finger and thumb of each hand, and swung slowly around in an arc. The pointing end of the stick quivered, seeming to taste the air. Then it sat up straight in Tara's hands, dragged sharply to the right and took a great leap out of her grasp, to land quivering at Anya's feet.
"Ow!" said Tara, rubbing her fingertips.
"Oh great," said Anya sarcastically. "It's found us. How useful."
"Actually," said Tara, walking forward and picking up the stick. "I specifically excluded us all from the spell, so that wouldn't happen." She walked around the Scoobies and held the stick out again, facing the forest. It began to vibrate violently in her hands. She walked towards the undergrowth.
"Hmm, said Tara, "apparently there are people in that tr .." The stick leapt out of her hands and hurtled against the nearest tree trunk with a clatter. There was a sudden eruption of angry screaming and whistling, and white faced simians erupted in all directions from the tree, swinging from every branch; shaking leaves, and flying through the air every which way, screeching as they went.
"Ooh!" cried Buffybot. "Monkeys, lots of monkeys!"
"Catch them!" cried Anya.
"Woof! Woof!" cried Xander-dog, his tail thrashing from side to side.
And Anya and Xander-dog disappeared into the forest after the fleeing troupe, racing at full tilt.
Tara pressed her hand to her heart. "That was a bit of a surprise," she said weakly. "I didn't think the spell would apply to monkeys." She heaved a sigh. "I've obviously still got a lot to learn."
Buffybot was hopping up and down, desperate to join the chase. Suppose Anya speared a monkey? Or Xander-dog bit one? They were both naturally inclined to chase and kill things after all. But clearly Tara, although Leader of the Expedition, needed some Support and Affirmation from her loyal lieutenant.
"I think you know ever so much, Tara - and you have an attractive curvy figure, too. And nice earrings."
Tara laughed, then looked into the green darkness of the forest. The sound of an excited ex-demon and her equally excited dog thrashing through the undergrowth was still clearly audible, and from time to time came a blood curdling yodel, or a shrill yelp. "We ought to go after them, I suppose."
"Yes!" agreed Buffybot, delighted at the success of her pep talk. "Let's run really fast!"
Tara closed her eyes for a minute. Ajapa yoga was very nourishing for both mind and body, but it didn't really prepare you for running through jungles - especially jungles thrown into ruin by the passage of a giant dinosaur. Still, she could at least try. She broke into an awkward run, picked up speed across the clearing, ran into the chaotically tangled mass of branches, vines and moss on the ruined forest floor - and promptly tripped over a fallen liana, and cannoned into a giant leaved palm.
"Oof!" Tara sat up, her head spinning. Her lip was sore. She touched her fingers to her mouth, and looked at the smear of blood.
Buffybot jogged back from her position 50 yards ahead.
"Ooh!" she said. "You fell over and cut your lip!"
Tara bit back a hasty reply. Stating the obvious was not a crime, after all, she reminded herself. Just very annoying. “Perhaps I'll just try another spell.” She looked across at Buffybot, who was shifting anxiously from foot to foot. "There’s no way either Anya or Xander is going to catch a monkey,” she said kindly. “Did you see the speed those hairy little guys were going through the trees on those long arms of theirs? They’d have outrun Tarzan.” She took Buffybot's proffered hand and pulled herself shakily to her feet. "Anyhow, I've got a good idea.”
Buffybot glowed. Whatever Tara's idea was, it was bound to mean even more fun!
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