Buffybot's Birthday Adventure
RATING: PG-13 for sex.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, to [email protected]
PAIRINGS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I'm going to say yes.
PROPS: Miss Murchison and Chartophile for the beta. Thanks!
SPOILERS: None. This is set pre-season 6.
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I’m just poking fun.
Chapter 5 - Something Very Big
They could all hear it now. A low thunderous sound, shaking the ground, and vibrating in their ears. The leaves of the trees around them began to move, making a sinister rustling sound that grew and billowed around them.
“Is it an earthquake?” asked Tara doubtfully.
“No, Tara!” said Buffybot, her ears quivering eagerly. “It’s a creature, a big one, and it's moving towards us. Isn't it great?”
"It's coming straight here!" cried Xander-dog, pressing himself against Anya’s calf, his tail between his legs.
"Good!" cried Anya. And she turned and ran towards the sound, her spear in her hand, trailed reluctantly by Xander-dog, stopping only when she reached the edge of the clearing. "Tara - you blow it up, Xander - you bite it - and I'll stab it to death."
"Ooh!" Buffybot ran up to stand beside Anya on the path, her eyes alight. "Can I hit it with my axe?" she asked hopefully.
Anya spared her a glance. "Just don't get in the way of my spear arm."
"Guys," began Tara, coming panting up beside them, "let's not jump to conclusions." She darted a nervous glance up the track. The earth beneath their feet began to make a booming sound, like a drum being hit with a huge hammer. "Maybe it's friendly," said Tara weakly. "Um, we should try talking to it before we do anything else." She straightened her blouse, and ran a self-conscious hand through her hair. There was a pause, as they all listened to the noise getting louder.
"Are you guys all nuts?" barked the Xander-dog. "Whatever in hell it is, it's enormous! Mayor-sized! Run, run for your miserable lives!" And he turned tail and dove into the undergrowth.
Anya and Tara looked at each other. The noise was getting awfully loud, and the pounding showed no sign of slowing down. At that moment the trees furthest along their line of sight cracked with a horrible sound like a thousand pistol shots and toppled sideways. A figure appeared on the newly created horizon, and began pounding towards them, spraying broken trees on either side, like a boat ploughing through choppy seas. The noise was incredible.
Buffybot stared. It couldn't be, could it? It was! The creature walked on two legs, its short arms ending in three-fingered hands with sharp foot long claws. The rest of its massive body balanced on a huge tail, which was swinging as it walked, sweeping full grown trees with it. Its scaly head was huge, twice as big as the Buffybot herself, and full of huge serrated teeth, which were bared. It peered short-sightedly up the path with one small reddish eye, its head tilted towards them.
"Ooh!" cried Buffybot, thrilled beyond belief. "It's a dinosaur! A really, really big one." She rifled mentally through her uploaded Encyclopaedia. "It's a Giganotosaurus!" she cried, enraptured. She glanced sideways at Tara; sure her friend would be as thrilled as she. But Tara was not there. Buffybot looked to her other side. Anya wasn't there either. Strange.
Tara's voice came suddenly inside her ear, several times louder than normal. Buffybot jumped, and then relaxed. Tara was projecting her voice into the cell phone Buffybot kept conveniently installed in her head. Golly, that had given her a fright, she thought indulgently.
"Run, Bottie!" screamed Tara, "It isn't going to stop for you. And you're on the path."
Buffybot's mouth made a little 'oh', as she gazed at the rapidly approaching monster, and then she switched on her sprint function and charged into the undergrowth, ripping her own little path in unconscious imitation of the oncoming Giganotosaurus. As she ran, the trees behind her toppled, one falling to her left, then another to her right, and finally, the canopy of an adolescent jungle tree landed squarely on top of her and she disappeared into a mass of branches, lianas, soaking wet moss, giant leaves, and a rain of very pissed off little tree frogs.
..............
Buffybot blinked. She was lying on her back in a tiny space. It was dark, and very wet, and something heavy was resting on her chest. She switched on her night vision and tucked in her chin to try and peer down the length of her torso. A tiny tree frog, perched on her nose, stared back at her from jewel-like red eyes. Agalychnis callidryas she noted absently. It was very pretty, but unfortunately it was also blocking her view. And even more unfortunately she couldn't lift a hand to gently prise it off, or move her head to dislodge it. She tried wriggling her nose. The tree frog hung on grimly with its enormous suckers. She tried sneezing. The tree frog only blinked. Finally, she started a chorus of 'Cream' by Prince, reproducing the falsetto perfectly. The frog was gone in a blink. Awwww, thought Buffybot, I hope I didn't hurt his little froggie ears.
"Bottie?"
It was Tara! Speaking through her cell phone again. But how was she to answer? She sang another verse of 'Cream', even louder.
“It sounds as if she’s injured! Terribly injured!” It was Xander-dog’s voice, faint and far off (and a bit throatier than usual) but still perfectly recognisable.
“Don’t worry, Bottie,” said Tara’s voice inside her head again. “We’ll dig you out, somehow.” And the sound of dragging, and cursing, and the cracking of small branches began above her.
Buffybot looked around her, trying to work out how to help. Her night vision showed the ghostly outlines of branches and leaves, packed tightly all around her little refuge - and two flashes of reflected light. Buffybot stared. Saw two big brown eyes set in a mask of white, peeping in through the branches at her.
“It’s a monkey!” she cried, delighted. The face disappeared, and Buffybot was instantly sorry that she’d shouted. But still - a monkey! She hugged herself. This was easily the best part of her birthday so far!
And it hadn’t gone away far. A moment later, she caught a glimpse of movement again, and a thin, hairy and incredibly long hand appeared, followed by a thin, hairy, and incredibly long arm, that hinged at the elbow like a bizarre inverted crane, as the hand felt its way forward, over her face, tapped her on the nose.
“Hi!” said Buffybot.
The hand stilled, and then turned palm upwards, one long finger curling into an unmistakeable beckoning sign. The digit beckoned once, twice, and then pointed at a particular spot in the low ceiling of plant matter above her. Buffybot started wriggling mightily to throw off the heavy branch that lay across her chest. The hand hurriedly withdrew, and she thought she heard an angry chattering noise.
“Sorry!” she called. “I’ll be more careful.” And she commenced to wriggle more slowly, never taking her eye from the spot the monkey had indicated.
After a few minutes struggle - and the inspired decision to burrow down rather than up, Buffybot slid free of the pinioning branch across her chest and clambered towards the spot the monkey had shown her. She pressed her hands, and then her head against the green surface, and pushed upward into a morass of hanging moss, leaves, and small twigs. She commenced to wriggle through a shifting sea of greenery, on and up via the path of least resistance, until finally, her head burst through the smothering plant material into the outside air. She pulled her body through the gap, and then paused for a moment to pick pieces of pulped leaves, and other assorted muck, from her hair and clothes. It was always important to present the best appearance one could, after all.
Standing up, she surveyed the ravaged forest around her. Trees lay every which where, splintered and broken. Moss swayed in the breeze in raw open spaces where previously there had only been unbroken forest, and below her.... far below at ground level she spied her friends, all staring into the tangled mass of vegetation before them.
"Whoo hoo, guys!" she cried lustily, waving with all her might. "I'm up here! I'm fine - and I met a monkey!" She scrambled hurriedly down the huge outer slope of the fallen canopy and downwards to her friends..
Reaching the ground, Buffybot stopped and looked at her friends, who had come to meet her. Tara was sweaty, and panting, and scratched. Anya also looked heated, and red below the blue streaks on her cheeks . Xander-dog’s fur had been rucked in twenty directions, and it was full of burrs and twigs. Everyone was covered in tree sap and rainwater. Buffybot’s eye moved to the generous pile of torn branches and tree trunks flung behind them. She felt a funny flip flopping sensation in her chest. They’d all been digging! Trying to save her! Aww, she loved her friends.
“Thank you for saving me!” she cried, and flung herself on to Tara’s bosom. Tara smiled, and patted her back. "You seem to have saved yourself, Bottie."
"Oh, a monkey showed me the way out," said Buffybot. "Oh gosh, I forgot to say thank you. How rude." She looked all around for the white faced monkey to thank it for its help. But of the monkey there was no sign. Anya was here though.
“And thank you for helping to saving me, Anya!” Buffybot said, hugging Anya tightly.
Anya rolled her eyes, and peeled Buffybot's hands off her waist. “It was sheer self interest on my part,” she said. “You’re a tin can with a funny wig on to me.” Buffybot laughed, and punched Anya’s shoulder affectionately. Anya was so droll!
Leaving Anya cursing under her breath and rubbing her shoulder, Buffybot turned to Xander-dog and squooshed him in a big hug. “And you’re my big brave little doggie dog!” she said, planting a big kiss between his eyes. Xander-dog squirmed, even while his tail wagged.
"And now," said Buffybot, her eyes alight with enthusiasm, "let's chase the dinosaur!"
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