Buffybot's Birthday Adventure
RATING: PG-13 for sex.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, to [email protected]
PAIRINGS: None.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first - but I'm going to say yes.
PROPS: Miss Murchison and Chartophile for the beta. Thanks!
SPOILERS: None. This is set pre-season 6.
DISCLAIMER: These characters are not mine, but I’m just poking fun.
Chapter 4 - What Do We Do Next?
Buffybot jogged through the jungle, slashing merrily at the leaves in her path with her trusty axe. She had made a full survey of the immediate area, taking her compass and her binoculars, and her axe of course. The track they had landed upon ran on outside her survey area in both directions, with no indication of where it went or where it came from. Off the track the forest quickly became immensely dense, and shadowed by the canopy above. She had cut her way through the undergrowth, and found many unfamiliar plants that might or might not be poisonous, and some fallen wood that was unfortunately rather wet, plus many hundreds of thousands of ants, beetles, spiders and worms - and three very cute little frogs living in pools at the bottom of big palm leaves. And then, unexpectedly, she had stumbled onto the banks of a huge roiling brown river. It was a good thing she had tuned up her gyroscopes the week before, thought Buffybot complacently, because, with no warning of the river's presence, she'd nearly fallen in - and no one had taught her to swim yet. As it was, she'd caught hold of a liana dangling beside her, and dragged herself back upright on to the bank. Just like Tarzan, she thought, excited, or Jane at least. Just for a moment she yearned for a leather bikini and tree house to call her own.
But maybe being a brave explorer was even better. After all, discovering things was super fun, and the whole survey had been ever so interesting and educational. It could only have been improved if some evil demons had shown up for her to chase and dismember with her shiny axe. She wondered briefly if Anya would eat them if that happened? It might keep the monkeys safe anyway.
She made her way back into the clearing. Tara stood with her back against a tree, twirling the sunglasses in her hand, and staring at the flattened jeep. Buffybot joined her, and waited politely to make her report to the Expedition Leader. (Establishing a clear chain of command.) But Tara was looking abstracted, and after a few seconds had passed she couldn't resist the urge to interrupt. “What are you thinking about, Tara?” she asked, hoping it was either surveying, woodcraft, or entomology - or ideally all three.
Tara sighed. "Just more of the same." She turned, "Hey, Bottie. Find anything good?"
"Yes!" said Buffybot. She puffed out her chest proudly. "I found 26 different species of beetle inside a 100 yard radius on my survey! I've never been to a tropical forest before - and it's great."
Tara scratched her sweaty scalp and examined the insect bites on her arm. The humidity in the forest was extreme, and the temperature was rising as the morning wore on. Xander-dog was lying panting in the shade of a tree, while Anya sat fanning herself with a leaf frond, her back firmly turned to him. "It's certainly an experience," she said mildly. "So tell me what else you found."
...................
Buffybot gazed around her, wondering what else she could do to help. The afternoon was growing hotter, and the humans in her party were showing signs of distress. She'd built them a really great lean-to shelter to shade them from the sun, and then she'd gathered water collected in the hollows of trees, and in leaves, and had dug up various interesting roots. Her friends had drunk the water, and sat under the lean-to, though they hadn't seemed very interested in the roots for some reason - but they still didn't seem very happy.
Tara was nearby, scrying for any signs of intelligent life nearby in a bowl of water Buffybot had cleverly crafted out a huge flower bud. Anya had found a sap giving plant and rubbed it on her face as a primitive form of sun block. Unfortunately she had missed the tip of her nose, which was glowing bright red, and the parts she had smeared with plant sap seemed to be turning blue. Buffybot winced. Anya wasn't going to be pleased when she next looked into a mirror. Presently, though, she sat whittling a stick into a throwing spear, a grim expression on her face - apparently planning some terrible mayhem. And Xander ....
The Buffybot came and sat down next to Xander-dog, and ruffled his ears. "I'm sorry Anya's mad at you," she said.
Xander-dog sighed, and stretched out on his stomach, kicking his back legs behind him.
Buffybot giggled. "You look real cute when you do that."
Xander-dog looked up at her through his eyebrows. "I was lying on my side earlier,” he said gloomily, “but some evil mosquito thing came along and bit me on the belly. They keep trying to get in my ears as well. It's not easy being a dog." His head drooped, and he rested his muzzle on the ground between his paws.
"Poor Xander," said Buffybot. "I've got some After Bite to rub on your tummy if you like. And I'm sure Tara will manage to work out how to turn you back into a man - somehow. She's real smart."
"She says it's too dangerous for her to try without knowing what spell made me like this in the first place," said Xander-dog. He snapped idly at a passing butterfly, which jinked away with insulting ease. He sighed, a deep whuffling sigh, and twitched his eyebrows.
"It must be ever so exciting being a dog, though," said Buffybot encouragingly. She could tell that Xander-dog was falling a prey to despair. Her book of Wilderness Tips had warned her that Keeping Up Morale was a common problem on expeditions in the wilderness. What Xander needed was to try and see the upside of things. "I wish I could be turned into a dog," she said, "I'd go around smelling everything, and chasing sticks, and getting people to stroke my ears. And I'd bark a lot. It would be great!"
"You're enjoying all this, aren't you?" said Xander-dog. He pointed in a circle with his muzzle to indicate the clearing, the lean-to, the crushed jeep, and the encroaching jungle all around them.
“Ooh, I am,” said Buffybot, nodding her head vigorously. “We’re marooned in a rainforest, which is ever so interesting. I’m really hoping there are monkeys. But not where Anya can see them," she added, "because she wants to eat them."
"She wanted to make me into a stew," said Xander-dog. "That doesn't look good for our future relationship does it?" And he looked up at her with big brown eyes, looking utterly piteous. "Mrrrf!" he sighed softly. And it was a very sad mrrrf indeed.
Buffybot put a sympathetic hand on his furry back, and stroked him. Xander-dog flattened his spine under her hand. "Ergh," he said, "that feels amazing. No wonder man’s best friend decided to cosy up to us."
There was a peaceful moment as Buffybot ran her fingers up and down Xander-dog’s spine. Then Buffybot looked at Xander-dog and Xander-dog looked at Buffybot. "Do you hear that?" he asked.
"Yes!" Buffybot got to her feet, excited. She swished her axe in a big arc, making Xander-dog flinch, and duck to floor level. "Tara, Anya!" she cried. "Something's coming. Something very big."
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