Phoenix's BioLink

Hello, lover, I'm Pheonix "Roger" Fiore. I escaped the snatch
on March 24, 1981 in Lincoln Nebraska. While I was there I attended a nice little Catholic school--Our Lady of the Cavernous Beaver. My porochial school misadventures included showing up to school wearing the plaid skirts and knee socks, wine tasting prior to Mass, and teasing the clergy. But that life began to bore me and I longed for a wider forum of expression...something more flambouyant where I could unleash my firey personality. So, on my 16th birthday I hopped the train to Whoresville and set out on my path. Somehow I ended up in Lahaina, Maui. I have no clue how...so don't ask.

So, when I was strolling about Lahaina Harbor I stumbled across this booming bar. I thought I'd see what kind of trouble I could get myself into. The bouncer didn't even look at me when I walked in. I found that this place had some madly gorgeous ladies all over the bar. So I'd dance with one for a while, get her to go back to the bathroom for a bit and then do it all over again. After about 2 hours or so of getting my swerve on I noticed a stack pyramid of shot glasses forming on the bar. Evidently (as I was later informed) Keoki and Vladimir had been watching me with keen interest. For every honey they saw me hit the bathroom with...they took a shot.

So I was scanning the bar, looking for my next conquest when I saw her...behind the bar...Katie. I decided I wanted to really lay it on thick with this one. So, I noticed it was Kareoke night and I felt obliged to participate. The music in the bar cut out, a rumble of voices rose up and then I jumped on the bar as Sir Mix A Lot's 'Baby Got Back' began to tear through the Hall. I began to strip, focusing on Katie and only Katie. In one fluid movement and a flourish of fabric I reduced myself to my leather underwear. Then, sassy as ever, I walked to the pyramid of glasses, removed the top, filled it with tequila and held a lit match over the glass. I threw it to the bar and flames shot up from the shattering glass. I pounced down to the floor and asked Katie, "would you like to suck my tongue now?" I won't reveal the outcome. But women began to stuff money down my pants and I won the Kareoke money for the next month. That was when Keoki asked if I'd like to dance in the hall as an employee. I was in a new place and it was pretty cool so I said why the hell not! But my only stipulation was this: I get a trapeze over the bar. He said I could have anything I wanted but he'd have to fireproof the bar.

Now a days I'm considered management. I dance nightly though I rarely strip--we ARE a family establishment you know. I am one of the best hitters on the Softball Team, I can kick anyone's ass at Phase 10 and I'm usually the one who comes up with those spontaneous road trip ideas.