Keoki's BioLink

Keoki Kalikikopa Kamehameha...that's my name. I was born on the Hawaiian island of Lanai on July 18, 1976. It's said that I popped out of the womb with a head of firey red hair said to resemble the lava flows of the great Kiluea and rumored that my first bottle contained Killion's Irish Red and thus I was given the nick name of the Redheaded Stepchild. I spent most of my youth taking surf lessons from the big Kahuna, hangin' loose on the sweet shores of my home. I went to few school classes but always with sand caked in my hair. Heh heh...it was a typical childhood. When I was in high school I paraded around in the loudest Hawaiian print shirts I could get my hands on...part of my signature style that made me the Keoki I am today. Also at this time I joined up with my cousin Kalikikopa and a few friends to form a band called the Freaky Tiki. I was the drummer--and yes, it's true...drummers ALWAYS do it better.

But I digress, the Freaky Tiki. We were a garage band mostly. Although we did have one hit that got some airplay on KPOI. Got a few gigs across the harbor at this place called the Lahainaluna Lounge. What a DIVE! Stale beer, earthy aromas, chalk dust in the air. And our loud music over the top of it. After sets me and the boys would shoot pool and take advantage of the free drinks we got. That's where I learned my trade: Pool sharking. That's right...I'm a hustler at heart. I found that I had a gift and no matter how much I drank...I would still wipe the floor with the guys putting down wads of money on the table. By the end of the night those poor bastards would be in a puddle of their own sick under the table and I'd be walkin' out with some extra cash.

The band broke up in 1993 due to Kalikikopa's roaming ways and we just couldn't go on without him. The rest of the guys decided to start their lives and try to better themselves whilst I was still sharking and going around to surf contests to make my fortune. Surprisingly enough I made quite a bit of bread doin' all that. I'd go across the islands winning surf competitions then hustle at some local bars that same night. Plus, I was gaining quite the reputation. I don't like to brag but I'll take this oppurtunity to do a little--I was phenomenal. (Still am, too.) Women liked to take me out to drink, guys liked to hang out with me and offered me their pull-out couches, and I bodysurfed through life for quite a while. Then one day I was back in Lahaina for a contest and I found that my dear old haunt--the Lahainaluna Lounge--had been boarded up and was for lease. Inspiration. *insert Wile E. Coyote light bulb moment here* So I consulted my Magic 8-Ball. "Magic 8-Ball," I said, "shall I buy this hellhole and make it my own?" And the reply came--"It is decidedly so". So I did it. And there was much rejoicing. *insert yea's here*

Today, my friend, you sit in the place where I reached enlightenment, where I first tasted success and Everclear. The very 8-Ball that prophesied the Hall is in its place of reverence behind the bar. My pool cue prowess is still the stuff legends are made of. For the most part though I prefer to keep a low profile. So, while I'm always hanging around the Hall, you may never see me. And if you do, you may not know it's me. I may pour your drink. You may run into me in that dark corner by the toity. And who knows...I may just hustle you for all you're worth at one of the upstairs tables.

I'd like to take this time to tell my dear friends in the Krew that I love them very much. All the travels we've had, all the havoc we've wreaked...all of it. I love you all more than you'll know. Kemi, my doll, you are a light in my eyes. Phoenix, you're a sick kid! Kalikikopa, I miss you, buddy, and I know Kemi does, too. Make it back by when you can. Everyone else--you're the best Krew I could ask for. Drink with me and celebrate with me forever.