Re: Sex and the Single Fat Gay Negro or, That Darn Jo!
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1998

Ali's in the house!

Wow! I had absolutely _no_ idea that you had become such a "Rent"
girl in my absence. As Parker Lewis used to say, "Coolness!"

---Alison Cutler wrote:

> Kent, I have to say, being a Joanne/Maureen chica on this side of the >
49th, hearing of Angel again, has made a smile come to my face. Just >
beacuse he feels like part of my life.

I'm *so* touched to "hear" you say that.

My relationship with Angel is a big part of what first made me
interested in MSCL. Both The Show in general and Rickie in particular.
I met Angel THE VERY SAME WEEK that MSCL debuted (though I wouldn't
actually tune in until "Strangers in the House"). In my quest to
understand his RL counterpart better, Rickie's TV life gave me some
plausible pictures to contemplate as I speculated about the gaps in what I
knew about my Angel. His reality turned out to be far more troubling than
anything Rickie had to face. Nonetheless the real life/art parallels
became downright uncanny. I'll always remember the Wookie and I sobbing
(well, I sobbed while he sniffled), as we watched the last scene of
"Resolutions" wherein a desperate Rickie shows up at the door of Mr.
Katimski and his partner. Little did we know that we would soon *live*
that scene.

> With Chantel Kreviazuk playing in
> the background, and a huge cuppa hazelnut coffee,
> getting random hugs/backrubs from my bear, and a
> floundercat pouncing around my feet,
> this trip has been one of memories, and of defeated
> hardships.

Floundercat? Sort of a flat cat? This most be one of those Canadian
mutations.

Didn't know that Der was a bear, btw. I don't know if "regular" folk know
much about the so-called Bear Movement in gay culture. It overlaps the
older Chubby-Chaser scene. (If I'm ever feeling perverse enough, I'll
someday share with the Lists my tales of Girth & Mirth-New York, a chapter
of a national organization for large men and their admirers. Yes, Fatso,
you too can be a sex object!) Bears tend to be older, chubby, bearded,
often balding, and prodigiously hairy. My Wookie was/is a bear par
excellence. A good example of a bear pin-up is Al Borland on "Home
Improvement." Young bears of tomorrow are called cubs.

Though smooth as a billiard ball myself, with my new beard and
close-cropped hair, I'm trying to embrace the bear within myself.
There seems to be a surprisingly large and responsive audience for
this look. If given my druthers, I'd opt for smooth, slender,
clean-shaven and effeminate lads but most of my actual experience has
generally involved hairy, chubby, bearded and butch older guys. Funny how
little control we really have over these matters.

> The Joanne part of me is sooo glad that Angel has somewhere to stay. >
That Tom and Angel will have their day together. And although the >
relationship isn't a 'relationship', the friendship you guys have had >
over the ages, has made for deep roots...

Angel is like a cat; he always lands on his feet. He also knows that
*nothing* he does can make me reject him--though, heaven knows, he's tried
me in the past.

> "Lets make a resolution
> I'll drink to that
> Lets always stay friends
> Tho we may have our disputes
> This family trees got deep roots
> Friendship is thicker than blood
> That depends....
> Depends on Trust
> Depends on True devotion
> Depends on Love
> Depends on Not denying emotion"
> J. Larson.

Hearing you quote "Rent" so knowledgably and extensively brings tears to
my eyes. After the Wookie gave me my walking papers (after 11 tumultuous
years) so he could marry That Woman, I listened to "Rent" all the time.
I'd listen on my DiscPerson and burst out crying on the subway, the
street, at work or wherever. The one thing I kinda regret about being on
a prescription anti-depressant is that I never cry listening to "Rent"
anymore. :(

<snippage of stuff I'd love to discuss via Private E>

> Kay... this wasn't supposed to turn into a big >confessional, or a
homage to der. I guess, hmm... >memory lane got the best of me here....
thinking
>of your posts about angel, and now, finaly reconizing >where the name
reference comes from.....

You wanna know something weird? I gave the nickname Angel to my
friend A YEAR BEFORE I knew "Rent" even existed! I wanted to talk
about him on the List but I didn't feel it would be right to reveal
his name. I thought of calling him Rickie but decided against it. I
opted for angel because of "So-Called Angels" and because Angela's
grandmother greeted her as "Angel!" in "Other People's Mothers."

Around this same time, there had been a rumor that Jodie Foster was
interested in playing the role of the Angel in a proposed Robert
Altman-directed film version of "Angels in America," Tony Kushner's
extraordinary play about the state of gay life in the U.S. as we
neared the end of the Millenium. Also, my Angel had played an angel
during an elaborate grade school production. (He tells me that he
even flew!)

Now you can better imagine just how stunned I was to encounter Angel, a
beautiful young Latino drag queen in love with an older Black bohemian
failed academic (!), when I was first taken to see the original Broadway
production of "Rent." Now you have a better idea of how thrilled I was
when the Wookie and I met Wilson Jermaine Herridia, Broadway's first
Angel, right after seeing "Rent" for the second time.
Finally, you can imagine the near psychic overload I experienced upon
learning that Wilson Cruz--Rickie Vasquez himself!--was taking over the
role of Angel on Broadway. Everything had come full circle. Everything
was connected. There was some kind of cosmic order in the Universe. Life
made sense. There *was* some kind of God.

I'm totally bummed that I've lost access to most of my first year of
posts to the List. Much of the Angel file now exists largely in our
memories (and in my heart). My stuff from my original xanadu e-mail
address is just gone. Stuff on the Baseline server was zipped and
transferred to floppies so, once I find them and learn how to unzip
them, I should get some stuff back.

Its early sunday morning, and I guess, my main
> point (tho not referenced anywhere else in this post, but behind it
all)
> is that Angel is very lucky to have you my friend. Take care of each >
other. Its been a long road... and we're not off it yet. But some of
the
> best scenery is up ahead :)

And I'm very lucky to have him. Just as my health was starting to go
south and I was feeling so old and defeated, he (and the List) helped give
my Life new purpose. He made me feel young again. I hate to quote Elton
John but I can't help it.

I'm still standing
After all these years
Looking like a true survivor
Feeling like a little kid

What's that term that Rayanne's mother used to describe people whose
destinies were eternally bound together? They're in the same karass?
Carafe? Whatever. That's what Angel and I are in. Even if we're
apart, we'll always be together.

> vbbbmjjj <---- flounders contribution

Eek! A mutant fish-cat that types!

> Alison - the early morning sap who has no idea where this message is >
going - both e-mail wise and coherency wise :)

Same here. We saps have got to stick together (which, come to think
of it, shouldn't be too hard :).

> "Live in my house
> I'll be your shelter
> Just pay me back...
> with one thousand kisses
> be my lover
> and I'll cover you"

What's so ironic is that these positions are all so fluid. Angel's
needed me to cover him so many times but he's done the same for me--in
different ways. Now there's a STRONG liklihood that he'll be coming into
a large sum of money (a several hundred thousand dollar insurance
settlement from a serious car accident he survived on St. Patrick's Day;
some of the physical damage is permanent but continued physical therapy
should help greatly) by year's end. If he doesn't get as much dough as
his lawyer predicts, that's fine with me. But if he does, we plan to buy
my amazing and huge Jersey City apartment (the building has been slowly
going co-op for many years) so we'll have a stable base of operations for
our future endeavors.

Angel earned his GED in Tampa last year and I've been talking about
him to a grad schol classmate of mine who works as an Undergraduate
Admissions Counselor at my own New Jersey City University. I will do
everything in my (considerable) power to ensure that he gets his BA. We
both think that Theater would be an excellent field for him to
consider--as a minor if not a major. Heaven knows that he, like you, is a
true drama queen. (I'm also trying to get him to refine his verbal and
written Spanish so he could work as a translator.)

Thanks for caring, Ali.

Finally, let me quote the ever indispensible Beatles:

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love
You make

Ahhhh!

Let's be careful out there....

Love,

Kent
aka A Mr. Katimski of the List
aka A Tom Collins of the List

> "No day but today"