the works...

speakers.
There is no immediate difference in the volume of sound to be heard, but after a slight delay, passengers glance outside to catch a glimpse of the passing Concorde then they smile as they realize the sound is only their caring driver trying his best to entertain them through their journey. Mr. Ardhead smiles as well because almost immediately, he can feel the music take effect on his body. Firstly, he loses sensations in his skull, a peaceful numbness comes over him, but the rest of his body tingles. Then the exercise begins.

Every muscle in his body is given the once-over, starting with his eardrums. As soon as feeling returns to his head, a few seconds after he imagines he lost it, his head that is, his eardrums go into triple time, as if for an Independence parade. The reason Mr. Ardhead is still smiling, even though he is now in immense pain, is because his brain cannot get the message down to his face to grimace, his skull is shaking too much.

All this is good for his body though, because the constant shaking replaces the need for those weight-loss belts that vibrate. The music not only continuously shakes the entire body, it also pulverizes any fat cells into nothingness. Of course a brain cell here and there will also be lost, but that cannot be helped. Besides, of what matter are a few brain cells that were dying of inexertion anyhow, as compared to the great gains had when any bacteria that isn't shaken off is pounded into vacuity by the rhythmic sound waves.

Another pearl that these swine have trod upon is the acuity that was once given away by these musical mobiles. For example, the Ply-board Posse, it is said, is the most renowned of the 'improved intellect' people to be observed. These people entered maxis short and ignorant and emerged amazingly altered at their journey's end. No longer are the average person's chances of joining such an exclusive group as high now, for without the loud music, the average traveller cannot hope to leave a maxi taller, slimmer and with his seatmate's intelligence.

I, for one, cry 'Shame!' for I truly believe that the legislation condemning loud music in maxis has, in more ways than one, cramped my style. Time was when I could resort to public transport after donning attire straight off the clothesline, without any fear of reaching my destination looking the least bit wrinkled. Yes folks, the sound waves gave an excellent cold-press, unmatched by even the most experienced clothes-pressing mommy-person. I've now been