Page 9
SPIKE: Well, duh. Where have you been all night?
XANDER: [about Spike] Do you think we should have put a leash on him?
BUFFY: Yes, let's tie ourselves to the crazy vampire.
D'HOFFRYN: Behold D'Hoffryn, Lord of Arashmaha, he who turns the air to blood and reigns - Miss Rosenburg. How lovely to see you again. Have you done something with your hair?
SPIKE: Please! Invite me in! I'm parboiling out here!
BUFFY: No!
SPIKE: Wait, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, the other night in your room, tell them what I did.
WILLOW: You said you were gonna kill me then Buffy.
SPIKE: Yeah, bad. But the part where I couldn't bite you.
WILLOW: It's true. He had trouble... performing.
ANDREW: You're leaving me. I hate when you leave me. One time you died and I became a Mexican.
BUFFY: Giles, are you breaking up with your car?
GILES: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty.
BUFFY: Little two-door tramp.
ANYA: If I get vamped I'm gonna bite your ass.
XANDER: [to Olaf] You are one crazy troll! You're asking me to choose between my girlfriend and my bestfriend... that's insane troll logic!
BUFFY: I swear it's not what it looks like... it's magic weed. It's not mine.
CORDELIA: Eew, what does this do?
GILES: What?
CORDELIA: What does this do?
GILES: Uh, it, uh... extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutated cells.
CORDELIA: Wow. What does this one do?
GILES: Um, it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors.
CORDELIA: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do?
GILES: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
CORDELIA: Boy, there's a demon for everything.
XANDER: Whoa, Giles has a TV. Everybody, Giles has a TV. He's shallow like us.
OZ: I got to admit, I'm a little disappointed.
GILES: I, ah, uh...
WILLOW: Well maybe it doesn't work. Like a piece of art.
CORDELIA: I demand an explaination.
XANDER: For what?
CORDELIA: Wesley.
XANDER: Uh... Inbreeding?
OZ: [thinking] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist. [outloud] Hmm.
WILLOW: I worship Beelzebub. I do his biddings. Do you see any goats around? No, because I sacrificed them.
XANDER: Flowers for m'lady.
BUFFY: I think they call those balloons now.
XANDER: Well... put them in water. Maybe they'll grow. - "KILLED BY DEATH"
RILEY: The key element to world domination? Coffee makers that think.
BUFFY: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those Blasto-guns. And the next thing I know, it's raining monsters.
XANDER: Hallelujah. - "GOODBYE IOWA"
[Xander is dreaming]
SPIKE: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a Watcher. Says I got the stuff.
GILES: Spike's like a son to me.
XANDER: That's good. I was into that for a while, but... I got other stuff goin' on. You gotta have something. Gotta be with movin' forward.
BUFFY: Like a shark.
XANDER: Like a shark with feet and... much less fins.
SPIKE: And on land.
GILES: Very good!
GILES: Angel, do you know if this Spike fellow goes under any other name? [turns and finds Angel gone, library doors shutting]
XANDER: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy.
DRACULA: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
XANDER: No, we're not going to 'leave you'. And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three - three victims! Mwa ha ha!
BUFFY: Angel was cured.
GILES: I'm sorry?
BUFFY: When I killed him, Angel was cured. Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um... something went through him... and he was Angel again. He didn't remember anything he'd done. He just held me. Um, but I was... it was too late, and I, I had to. So I told him that I loved him... and I kissed him... and I killed him.
GILES: Spike, I have a mission for you.
SPIKE: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, sometimes our missions end up with you trying to kill me. I'm not fond of those.
NEXT PAGE