It's a spur of moment to write my feelings all along. You have been asking me why when I felt sad, when I lost my temper on you, when I kept silence. I never gave you any reply at all but 'Just leave me alone'����

It had been a while you let me be. You granted my wish. You didn't ask anymore. And I felt the loneliness inside me. How I wished somebody will be there for me. But you didn't feel the way I had been feeling since the day I knew you. You never felt the same like I did at all. Never�.

You can no longer stand my moodiness. You felt tired. You felt like a fool chatting with me. You felt it's a pressure to talk to me. You felt tired to wipe away my tears. It's just so difficult�. I never expected you to say that. It really hurt me to know that those were all your feelings all along. I felt sorry to have been holding on you and let you suffer in silence. It's sad to hear that from you but at least I knew that's your true feelings and I shouldn't be too selfish. So I let go�..

I knew you couldn't make up your mind. I knew you didn't know which stand to take. I knew you couldn't bear to say it out. I made the choice. I walked away�..

It has been more than 3 months since the last time you left me a message. It's a birthday wish. How I wished I never received your message. It just broke this fragile heart. Since then, I have not been willing to accept and hear any birthday wishes. They just reminded me of you.

I thought I could forget you, but I fail. I have been deluding myself. The day we had an argument, I knew that we will have such ending. However, it never came across my mind to be so fast. Now, we pretend that we no longer know each other, you never ever exist in my life at all and all we have been through it's just a dream. The happy days we spent together, your care and concern, your joke which made me laugh and �..All vanished into the air.

I thought I could forget you the day we said goodbye cos I didn't shed a tear. But I didn't, I never ever can. The pain and hurt that I feel can never be healed. Your shadow never leaves me.

Let me let go�..

Time flies. Another year will soon be over. The coming Christmas will be another lonely and freezing moment.

Can't help to stop this feeling.

Missing you.

Thought I will return to my old self. But I didn't. I don't know why another came after another left. Perhaps, that's life. It is unlikely to have the best of both worlds. That's why I m now alone for long time. No matter how I get along with others, you always cast a shadow. I can't free myself from you.

I have been deluding myself when I say all is over.

When I told you about history repeated itself, you assured me it would never be. But, it did.

 

---#---

 

It's ALWAYS you

I am writing this to remind me of someone. Someone who I feel it’s my greatest happiness in life to be able to know. For confidentiality, I will just use ‘C’ to replace the name.

In my gloomiest day, C just appeared. I did not know C and C did not know me. Perhaps, fate brings us together. A word of ‘Hi’, made me feel your presence. That’s how we started…

A simple greeting started our first conversation. I really enjoyed chatting with you on that day, but I wondered if you felt the same, too. Since then, I had been longing to chat with you. During the day, how I wished the time can spin faster and when night came, how I wished the time can stop. That’s at least how I felt at that period of time. Did you feel so, too?

Everyday I would sit in front of my computer and waited for you. We would chat all night long if you did not ask me to sleep. That’s because of you. You just captured all my attention till I forgot the time. Some friends wondered what I was doing in my room as I had often locked myself in the room since then. Some friends also asked me why I often had panda eyes when I wake up in the morning. I never told them the reason. I just returned them with a smile. That’s our secret.

Every word you said, I felt your sincerity and honesty. I was very glad that finally I found someone who I can share my happiness and sadness. Thinking of you always made me smile. Really…
Sometimes, when I was walking, I would just smile to myself. I was so worried that people might think I am crazy or mad. But I could not help, but to smile whenever you came across my mind.

It’s all because of you…

When I heard that you were not happy, I also felt sad. I hated myself for not being able to help and console you. I just felt the pain in my heart and cried silently. If only I could express myself...

I am very thankful that till now I still have your companionship. Though you cannot be on my side, but I believe that you will always be there when I need you.

Lastly, I want to tell you that I will always be there for you.

It’s always you...